Extreme Dreams

I'm having an exceedingly harder time concentrating these days. I can usually get good and distracted on something deep and meaninful, but now I just seem to get good and distracted on absolutely nothing. I'm really needing Friday and Spring Break to get here fast. It's sad. I know it's my senior year and that it should be my most amazing spring break ever, but I don't have the money for it nor do I have the time. I'm going to be staying at the house doing my very best to get caught up so that I don't completely kill my GPA this semester.

I really falling under heavy weight, if I haven't already voiced that loud enough. The key indicator is extreme dreams. I've been having several. Today I had two which really stuck with me. One of them, last night, was me sitting in front of a piano. I was in a room full of people who I didn't know and for some reason I just started playing. I don't know how to play the piano very well, but in this dream I started playing and the most amazing music came out of it. My hands were wroking very fast and everyone stopped and stared, but not at me. They just stopped and stared, wide-eyed into space, as if they were looking into their souls or into their past. Even I began to fall into a transe. Imagine that, falling into a trans while already in a trans. When I was done, the once busy room filled with conversation was silent and still. Then I woke up, a few minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off.

My next dream was later while I was taking a nap. I was talking to a man who I know in reality, but he had this deformed small premature baby holding tightly to his neck. It didn't seem human it was so deformed and somewhat covered in patches of thinning hair. It's head was too small for its body, but he loved it and was trying to take care of it. He seemed extremely worried about something and he couldn't calm down. We were sitting on a couch trying to hold a conversation and then suddenly something startled him, a noise or something, and he lept to his feet, but the baby couldn't hold on and it fell. While it was falling I reached out my arms as fast as I could and I caught it before it hit the floor. The guy then sat back down on the couch, put his face in his hands, and started to cry. I held the baby which seemed rather fatigued from the entire experience. It was no longer than the length of my elbow to my wrist and I noted the extreme deformality of its head as well as it having a few teeth coming in. That's when I woke up again.

Over all, I really just feel mentally defeated and dumb. My classes are really hard to grasp this semester and my professors don't really seem to have much patience for me. I've never struggled like this in my classes as an entirity. I usually do so well under pressure, but not now.
And my mental defeat is leading to me neglecting other responsibilities and relationships. I'll make it through though. I'm determined to keep my chin up. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I think that's my problem. Have you ever carried something really heavy and you prepare yourself for the endurance that it will take to get it from one place to the other? But right when you see the destination your mind starts failing, convincing you that you can't make it and then your arms get tired and you just want to drop it a few feet short. That's the best description I can think of as to describe where I'm at right now.

I have to study now for my two tests tomorrow. Peace and love.