Filling Shoes

I wanted to write a response on a movie I saw last night. I went to see "The Painted Veil" with Viking. There weren't many people there to see it, so it seemed like a gamble, and it started off a little rough, but I have to say that it was probably one of the most impacting movies I've ever seen. It was as if I was looking into the eyes of a late 30's version of myself, only it wasn't really me, it was Edward Norton. The movie got me thinking about my ideal image of manhood and how that might look applied to my life. I feel like I have most of it down. I have age down. I know I'm young, but I'll be 23 soon and you can't really catagorize that as a kid or even a teenager anymore. I have the knowledge part down too. I know enough now to be able to function on completely independantly (maybe not in Alaska, but you get the idea). There is one thing missing though. It is, in my opinion, essential to complete the image of a man, and I just don't have it down yet. It's the passionate drive, the desire to work a that one thing that compells you to distraction from everything else. It's not selfish either. It's almost always in the service of others.

When God made man, the first thing he gave him, even before woman, was work.

I just don't have that passion yet but I feel like I should. I feel it stirring in my blood. It's like having a place on your gums for a tooth and feeling it just under the skin, but it hasn't poked through yet. Maybe it's because I'm in school and I just don't have time to be devoted to any one thing. I think that probably has a great deal to do with it. Either way, I don't feel like I would be worthy of the fruition of some of my other desires until that part of me has come to maturity. I know it's not exactly up to me, but that's how I feel.

This week is going to be pretty heavy. I have three tests and a full work schedule. I'm going to take it with a smile though. I need to rejoice more in my discipline than I normally do. As any regular reader knows, I am very proned to letting work and stress get under my skin rather than realize how they continually shape me into someone stronger and wiser, hence, I complain a lot. And for someone who hates bitching as much as I do, it's ironic that so much bitching comes from me.

I wrote a poem in class last thursday about that. Sucking it up or getting sucked up by each and every situation. Funny, I'm sitting in class writing page length poetry instead of paying attention. Obviously my passion must be somewhere in that field of focus.

I'm just gabbing on and on now. I need some sweet sweet sleep. Peace and love.