I'm Well... I Think

Here it is! I finally got the link for my pictures for you, http://community.webshots.com/user/guyandguitar so either save it to your favorites or reffer back to here to keep up to date.

So yesterday I was pretty sick, and even this morning I felt like death was pretty much eminent, however, after dinner and a good two hour nap, I feel revived and refreshed. I don't think I'm running a fever anymore, but I've never been good at guessing my own temperature. Other than that, I played a little catch-up today and I've got every major thing done this week that I need to worry about. There is one take home quize in business law that I expect to spend a few hours on tomorrow and Wednesday, but I'm pretty sure I'll get that done without a hitch.

Taxes are crunching down on me for the first time in my life. Never before have I made so much money in a year, and never before have I been so careless with that same money. Lot's of firsts in the financial department, and I now understand why the IRS is so incredibly loathed by society. I got another tax form and now I barely have enough money to buy a stamp to send it home. Some of the reason I'm so lacking in money is because I have greater financial need now. I have a phone bill and a car to take care of which consumes atleast $100 a month... and being that I only make about $100 a month... I'm sorta in a bind. I'm going to Vanderbilt tomorrow to check on some medical studies, but it will really be hard to do that with the kind of schedule I'm working off of. I really don't want to go into debt, and I'm going to try everything in my power not to.

It always seems that as a semester progresses, everything in life becomes more arduous. There are so many uncertainties that I'm going through right now. I was talking to someone about that last night for a good long while... Sometimes it helps to talk about such things, but I really have to be careful who I talk to about that. Sometimes things can become ten times more complicated when communicated to the wrong person. I think all there is left to do is to just do it and not think about it anymore. It's sort of like looking off of a high dive platform into the water below. You just have to close your eyes and do it. I am going to wait until I'm fully recovered before I make my first move, but it should be fairly soon. Also, I'm going back to the gym tomorrow. I expect to be pretty off because I've been out for three days, so we'll just have to see where I'm at. Hopefully, if I'm remembering correctly, my muscles will be stronger and better rested so my workouts will be more efficient. I'm planning on cutting back on cardio though. I think the protein is going out the window when I run so hard. I managed to get my mile time down to 6:15. The worlds fastest man ran it in 4 something if that gives you something to compare to. I got it down an entire minute last week. I started at 7:30. I'm really beginning to take shape though, and mentally I'm more on top of things. I can converse better most of the time, and I seem to be more articulate.

My problems aren't going to go away though. Nothing is going to solve them but God. Even if $1,000 feel in my lap tomorrow, I'd still be struggling with more than just that. The concepts of life never get easier, they just get progressively more difficult. It is then that we have to learn to cope... of course I've said that a million times, but every day the reality of it strikes me like a punch in the jaw. I'm out of my anti-girl funk though. It didn't last as long as I thought it would have. I don't know where I am right now, but we'll see. I don't know why it is so hard for me not to have someone to think about. It's been like this for me since I was in kindergarden, and every year from then on without faultering. Some have stayed in my mind for longer times than others, and I have only been truly in love once, but that's enough for me. Sometimes I wonder if this will prove beneficial in the end or if it will tear me down. I can't presume to know all the answers so I might as well not waste the time trying to figure it out. God knows I have better things to be thinking about right now than the distant future, something I have very little control over. I gotta get my head back into the present battle. I'm pretty wrestless right now though. I think all that sleep finally payed off but now I can't go to sleep anyways... and I have an eight o'clock tomorrow (gross). Whatever, I'm just going to lay in bed and try not to think about all this stuff. A nice dream would treat me quite well tonight. Peace and Love.