Headache of Impending Pooh

What a bizzarre and unpleasant day today was. It totally caught me off guard too because I was having such an amazing week over all. Stuff has just hit the fan in so many ways, I guess I should have seen it all coming, but I didn't. I really need a serious vacation, and by vacation I mean go away from here for a week and totally relax, but I have a grim feeling that I won't be receiving a vacation at all this year. That's kinda sad to think about, but oh well, maybe I'll just choose not to. It would also be nice to have a visitor or something like last year, but I don't think that will happen either. I'm in it for the long haul.

I suppose I should clear up some vaguearies for you that have been included in my last few journals. I usually don't do that, but being that I know the party involved does not read my journal, my reservations are a little less strict. The "thoughts" I've been attempting to conquer concern a relationship that I'm kinda trying my best to get over. It wasn't really that complicated or serious I guess. It was just a long long time of... well... nothing, and when I look back, there was probably only about three weeks collectively of mutual interest, but the process itself has carried on for almost six months. I can't seem to figure out why I allow myself to get caught up in stuff like this. I always see the warning signs right from the start, but I never listen, as if I expect it to maybe be different this time. Grrrr! It makes me angry to just think about it. It's a part of me that I have little control over, and I hate that. Why am I so caught up in something that really wasn't that big a thing? I wasn't even in love. Trust me, I know what that's like.

I still have faith in love though. Love can be the most beautiful thing if it is mutual, but one way it is the most destructive and agonizing part of existence that I have experienced. I think I just have relationship learning disabilities though. Pretty rediculous, huh? Yeah, well I don't know what else to call it. I just have to get this all off my chest or I'm liable to punch a hole in a wall or something. I'm serious! It was building up in me all day. Working out helped a little bit, but now I'm all angry again. I'm not angry at that person, but angry... angry at the whole concept of it. Angry at the fact that I'm still angry. Angry at the fact that I haven't been able to put it completely behind me yet. I can't say that it isn't getting better though. I'm able to focus more now-a-days and I have things to keep me busy most of the time, but it's just this once-in-a-while occurance that gets me pretty steamed.

Having said all that, I feel alot better... I'm not tired though. Me and my genious decided to take a nap at 10 o'clock instead of just going straight to bed. I guess my only option is just to lie in bed until I pass. Tomorrow is going to be so busy, I can't afford to be tired like I was today... and yesterday... and the day before that... and the day before that... I've got pictures to take, serious homework to accomplish, and duty tomorrow night that'll keep me up till one. Oh well, feels good to talk, even if my audience doesn't have a face. Peace and Love to you.