I Already Thought I was Going Fast as it Was

I'm scared to death right now. I feel like I shouldn't be, but I am. I can place it too, right on the nose. I'm afraid of what it is that I'm being called too. I'm afraid of leaving, and what's more, I'm afraid of winding up alone. But I won't stop in the face of fear. I'll jump off, even though it might hurt for a while. I just really feel like there's one last thing I need confirmation on before I leave that would determine if this is indeed my calling. It seems like such a complex ordeal to me, but it's not. I know it's not. It's just when you find something you really like and time becomes vital, well, it's enough to worry anyone. Sometimes you feel like what you want is what is best for you, but situations like this will set clear definitions of truth, and every time I have been here in this position before, what I have wanted has proven faulty. This is one of the hardest areas of my life to have faith in. I have no foresight or patience here, or any kind of plan that I have confidence in.

Having said that, I must be in the perfect state to have God do something amazing because I am now completely helpless. I'm going to be praying for peace, wisdom, and deliverance.

In conclusion,

"If I were to speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy and could fathom all mystery and all knowledge, and if I had a faith that could move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I gave all of my possesions to the poor and surrendered my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease. Where there are tongues, they will be silenced. Where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

That's the chapter I have been memorizing all week. It's I Corinthians chapter 13, and I apologize if it's not spot on. I'm pretty sure it's close though. I just see so much reflection in that chapter as to what has been happening in my life and in my heart this past week. If I could only tell you fully.

Oh, by the way, if you want to hear the sermons from my pastor at my church (they are amazing), then I'll tell you how. First you need Itunes, which is a free download if you don't already have it on your computer. Once you open Itunes, go to "Store" in the menu section, and from there select "Podcast". After that just enter in a search for "Midtown Fellowship" and then you'll find it. Subscribe, download, listen. It's a great sermon.

Peace and love.