New Skin

Okay, so I've made a few changes to my blogs as of today... and I hope that they add a bit of aesthetic value to this weary journal. Hope you like it. I don't really even know if I do right now. We'll see. I think the larger font will make it more reader-friendly...

Hah, my mind is completely blown right now. I could best compare it to one of those money machines that they have at some fairs. What you do is you stand inside of them and they turn it on and all of this money scurries around in the wind and you have to grab onto some of it. What you grab you can keep. Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, that's how I feel. All of those thoughts floating around in my head and I'm excited to see them all, but I can't seem to grab onto as much as I would like.

I've been thinking a lot about post graduation and what I will do when... well... when I'm a post graduate. I think sometimes that I would just love to leave Nashville and start over again. Raleigh would be ideal. But then sometimes I think to myself about those factors that could convince me to stay. There are only two possible ones that I have given consideration to, but I suppress them for several reasons. First of all, where I live is strongly dependant on meeting certain demands. Primarily I need to get a good job that can support my loan payments as well as my own place to live. Also, I can't be in love with music and live here in Nashville at the same time. It's too critical and my passions have weakened so much because of that. I want to be in a place where people are still mystified by the power and passion communicated through music. Finally, I would be staggered if I stayed. I'm sure I would have lots of fun staying here for several more years, but I fear that I would shrug off responsibility and try to stay in the demographic of "fun-times college years". I am a progressive person by nature. I look forward to growth and new challenges and I associate this place with an old stage of growth. I felt the same way as a senior in high school. I grew up in High Point and it served well for that, but then came a time for my passions to desire change. I had to leave. Now I'm here and I've done a fair share of growing, but my passions are stirring again.

I don't know what kind of decisions to make. I honestly feel like these kinds of plans are what help people sleep at night, but are as certain as... well... uncertainty. I can't say either way, but I can make predictions. Arg... if only you knew the full of it. My heart is really being torn down the middle right now. But I guess that in itself is a form of growing. Peace and love.