I'm In My Way

How full of highs and lows today was. I'm greatful for both.

I've been waking up at about the same time every day for the past two weeks and, to be quite honest, the earliness bothers me less and less. I find that all I need is a good laugh in the morning to get me going for a little while... sometimes caffeen does the rest. This morning was no different. Matt and I both had to be at Belmont at 9am sharp for Country Showcase recording. This one is a big deal because we'll be taking the mix and giving it to Channel 4 to be broadcasted on television. It's a large responsibility that I'm thankful to be a part of. But man... that truck is small and hot for 12 hours out of the day.

But while being there I was full of ups and downs. One of which was my blatant immaturity at handling a situation of being exposed to someone who, when I last left, I did not part well with. I know how I should behave, but sometimes my deeper feelings just completely bypass my front-guard. At least... I became increasingly aware of that today.

But after the showcase Matt and I went to see a movie with the girls, and it was really good. The end hit me hard though because of something that visually happened that reminded me of Phill. The feelings are still there for me as I'm sure they are for everyone who knew him, and they can be dug up in the most odd places at the most odd times, but I held it back there. I didn't want to have to explain to anyone why I was so upset. I don't like that either though because then I leave everything up for assumption. Why do I make things that complicated? Ahhh but anyways, to give the film credit, the ending did twist around to make things better and give me something positive to end on.

And now that I'm home, I have checked my e-mail and found an unexpected word of encouragement from an unexpected person. I don't get that much. I mean I've always gotten that from my family, but from outside sources, I don't get that too much. Sometimes it's nice to realize that the simple things I do, the things that I might not even consider myself good at, might have a huge impact on someone else.

So I conclude with this. I get in my way an awful lot, and I'm not one to make excuses, but, I'm young yet and still have a great deal to learn, and for that I am truly thankful. Peace and love.