The Weekend

I'm so tired right now, but that's only a result of a fabulous weekend. Clayton came up from Durham to visit for the weekend which was nice. We also ended up going to Carowinds on Saturday with the Wongs. That was cool because I got to ride all of the rollercoasters that I used to have a phobia of when I was younger. I love rollercoasters now. But let me tell you... Walking around a themepark for nine hours on a 92 degree day is not exactly "taking it easy". I'm so tired from that, but it was really fun.

Today was interesting. I was having mixed emotions I guess, and you all know that I only get emotional about one thing. I ran into the girl this morning that I had such high hopes for during this summer. I was hoping for this amazing friendship that maybe a few years down the road might yeild something else. Maybe I should re-word that. I wanted companionship without the pressure. Maybe I should re-word that. I wanted companionship without the potential of being hurt. But it has taken me so long to get over her. Right now, even though I still long to meet my lifelong companion, I desire peace above all else. I am tired of fighting wars for women who pretend to but, in all reality, could care less. I would much rather save my sweat and blood for one woman who does care, wherever she is.

But this whole subject started with the comment of a pre-teen who evidently is very good friends of my first girlfriend's brother. By the way, my first girlfriend is married and lives in Las Vegas. He tole me that that's how he knew of me. He even called me out by name. He then told me that he knew all about me through this guy. That means he knows alot about who I was five years ago. Those were my darker days I must admit, and it really bothered me that that's all he knew about me, but those are consequences of bad decisions. But I was also explaining to Grant and Heather my last relationship from this past year and what I had learned from it along with my discouragements.

Being around them or being around Biran and Mary gives me encouragement that if I could only find the right girl, I could have as happy of a relationship as they do. I am confident that this will come to pass some day, but I still don't feel comfortable thinking about it. I'm just too closed at heart. I've spent so much time on this journal alone just erasing paragraphs that I felt exposed too much of my emotional side. I either need to a.) work on altering that aspect of myself, or b.) find a girl who is fine with that, but who i also might feel comfortable sharing with. That would be cool. But for now I am going to work on forgetting about all of this. I have work tomorrow. That is a focal point. I have a festival to plan. That is a focal point. I have a worship service to organize for next Sunday. That is a focal point. I have much to focus on to keep me busy and out of areas in my mind where I shouldn't be.

Work will be hot tomorrow though as it will reach temperatures of 105+ degrees. Pray for me because I'm going to need it. This place has no airconditioning. Also pray for anyone in the roofing business as they have it much harder than I do. Peace and love.