Drained and Weird Feeling

I feel pretty drained today after another long day at the warehouse. It is so hot and strenuous there, and I feel so burnt out, but I gotta keep going. Thanks to debt I won't be able to have money for a long time. I'm spending all of this time technically working for other people. I try not to think of it that way though. I'm sure I'll be alright in the end.

I've been feeling kind of odd though as I've mentioned in past journals. Sleep hasn't been too good at night, but I've been feeling amazingly positive for the past few days in every aspect of life except for the relationship part. I feel reality slowly gripping my throat and the only way I could avoid it would be to sink into such a deep state of denial that I would be... well... pretty messed up. It's uncomfortable, but the pain will only be temporary I'm sure. It's just one of those moments where you realize just how wrong you have been for so long, how you have seen hope where no hope ever existed. I just want this summer to be over... Ha, that sounds familiar. Wasn't I crying the same thing at the end of last semester. "I just want this semester to be over!" Yeah, so maybe I get myself involved in more than is necessary. Is there a way for me to just forget about it though? I tend to see so much trouble in the present and so much light in the future. I think that's my problem. The future won't be any easier than today. It's all just a matter of learning to cope with it. But I'm not so sad to return to school. Sure there was a girl situation that existed there that was slightly painful, but that is so over now. I was thinking about that today. I was suprised that I so quickly moved on after we parted ways.

But I think I'm in one of those moods again where I'm just sick of dealing with females period. I feel like hanging out with my guy friends doing guy things and not worrying about relationships for a long while. Maybe this is me not being lonely, or maybe this is me just being plain fed up with girls who are SO AFRAID that I might like them. I seem to remember that being more of a middle school mentality, and anyways, don't flatter yourself. I've tried so hard to be friends with girls this summer... but it always just turns awkward for one or both of us. I really don't think it is possible. I think "When Harry Met Sally" is absolutely correct. There is a gap there that can't be crossed with friendship alone.

Anyways, as far as priority goes I'm burried under responsibility. I'm working like a mule and getting very little done. I'm so soar and tired right now, but when I sleep it isn't very good sleep. I'm also incredibly bored most of the time. I've been finding it harder and harder to be entertained lately, maybe because I'm so distracted by other things. But I really just want to spend some time at the beach alone for a few days. That would be really nice. Really nice, but really not likely. Will the hopeless romantic in me just die already!?!

Peace and love