Must Focus Must Focus Must Focus

Ah, what a well earned and relaxing weekend this shall be. I worked so hard today but it was most definitaly satisfying. I'm getting to know the boss-man pretty well and I'm learning how to help out in more practical ways, using higher education and all... Today the work involved inspection of swayed leather chairs looking for certain ones that were covered in mildew. It's a pretty big problem that we hope to get to the bottom of, but this work is much easier on the joints and the muscles as it requires less heavy lifting. I'm building more muscle though, so I'm thankful, also the pay isn't bad either.

After work I slaved away on the computer trying to establish contact with the new incoming freshmen on my hall through facebook. I've gotten responses from several of them, and I'm encouraged that this year will be good. I've noted that several of my new residents are Christians and so I'm thinking about starting a Bible study to help them cope with the changes that they will face in college. Changes that I faced but had very little mentoring to help deal with. Oh, but wait till you hear this. I am a rediculous moron!!! :D There was also this one girl... She's pretty cute, she's a Christian, and she's from Raleigh... but this is me we're talking about. I don't meet girls over the internet... plus, what was it that I promised myself earlier this summer? No dating girls this year? Ah, whatever, it probably wouldn't work anyways. Plus, we all know the freshman girl theory. They're not ready to date until they're juniors. But MAN I've got to learn to focus! I can't turn my attention to every single girl that meets my very strict... very particular... very picky dating criteria... Arrg STOP IT!!! I've learned NOTHING!

Honestly though, I can't take risks right now. I'm in the process, the very difficult process, of learning how to be friends with girls instead of dating the ones that really interest me. I'd learn so much more about them if I would be satisfied with friendship. Plus, I bet that girl thinks I'm a stalker anyways. I did write her a message, which I never do... So we'll probably not get any responses on that line.

After work today was great though. I went to Liberty with Karl's dad and had a few wings and a few beers. We talked about his life before and after marriage, and I shared my concerns on life and my feelings after loosing Phillip. It was good to fellowship. It's always good to fellowship with older people than me. It's interesting to get their perspective on things that I'm going through that they've already been through.

I miss school though. I'm so excited about RA'ing this year and being back with the things I've taken out of this summer. I still haven't been able to reflect totally on the Ghana trip, but I'm getting there. I'm realizing that my spiritual starvation right now isn't just coencidental with my present tolerance of sin. God is not distant from me as I sometimes feel, but I have become distant from him in my indulgances. Once again, I need to be brought back to a point of focus.
I have received so much encouragement this summer in my strengths and my dirction. I feel like all I really need now is a sense of focus. For instance, I've had several people commend my leadership skills as of late. Several people have also noted a characteristic of mine that I never really considered. They agree that I have a peace about me that easily spreads to others that surround me. I never really considered that, but I wouldn't discard it immediately. I'd like to pay closer attention to that possibility. I've also had amazing feedback as a worship leader. I have ministered to people in ways that they have never been ministered to before and I consider myself blessed to have received such a gift. But back to focus. Can you immagine how well refined men would be if they spent time focusing fully on the thing that meant the most to them. What would I be like if I spent all of my time focusing not on women, not on grades, not on entertainment, but on God? An interesting concept with a very attainable answer.

But where do I begin? I must conclude that the answer is discipline. I must come under self discipline in order to gain a more powerful means of focus. I began to develope discipline in my life during last semester, but when Phillip died I became reasonably and excusably distracted. I never really was able to mount back up after that because I felt too strange, like waking up from a world you thought was a dream and realizing that you were conscious in reality for the very first time. Death is a new reality to me that I still haven't finished placing yet. I also have realized more and more how I hide my true feelings away with my pain in an unapproachable cell. New realities that I thought belonged in my life and were comfortably familiar to me, but really had no place at all. This all is an answer to a dream God gave me one night in Ghana. A person I knew and was comfortable with began to rot away and turn into someone that had no business in my affairs. I'd give you more detail, but my friends are waiting for me in the other room. Peace and love.