Early Morning Ponderings

I was rudly awoken this morning by an April Fools disturbance. It seems that our neighbor Heron girls decided it would be a good idea to "feminize" our bathrooms. It would have infact been a good idea if we cleaned them ourselves, but the fact of the matter is... we don't. Wit does. He's one of the most patient and hard working men I've met, and for the literal crap he has to put up with from us, I couldn't allow him to clean up that mess. So for the past hour that's what I did. I cleaned each bathroom with five minutes to spare before he arrived. No one else even saw nor knows of the prank. My heart goes out to people in that work field. Everyone looks down on them. People generally treat them less than human, but I understand what it is that they do. My family didn't always have money while my dad was starting his business. So to get enough to live off of, my mom had to give up teaching and become a maid. Being that I was too young to go to school at the time, I went with her almost every day and helped. It was either that or lifeguarding at the pool. I was cleaning houses and office building from the age of three until I was 15 years old. By then I was doing it independantly from my parents to make a little extra spending cash. Having done that though, I understand what it feels like to have people be completely inconsiderate of you and your job. It's really one of my pet peves, when I walk into the hall or the bathroom and I see that one of, or more than one of, my boys has left a mess. Who cares? They don't have to clean it up. Their mommies and daddies cleaned up their mess until they got here. Anyways... Aaron or Laaron as I call him, and What (yeah, that's a guy's nickname) helped out with the first floor while I cleaned second and third. After that, I couldn't go back to sleep though. I have a test at nine and it was six o'clock. So what I did was I took a shower and went down to the student life center to shoot some hoops. I got to thinking about basketball and how it used to be my dream to be in the NBA someday. It wasn't until I was cut from a middle school basketball team that my dreams stopped short. That was all I lived for was to make that team, but two middle-aged men who were trying to re-live their younger days and who took child sports far too seriously and compedatively decided that I wasn't good enough to even warm the bench. They wanted winners, and I was not a winner evidently. So I never picked up a basketball with any means of pride again. I let them win. I actually did have some talent back then, but nobody ever gave me the chance to develop it. It was only through TaeKwonDo that I was given any credit in life. I think it was because I was the school's first student. I didn't have to impress anyone because the standard started with me. Those were good days. I was good at it. I don't remember a single match that I lost, though I'm sure there was one or two along the way. I attained national recognition for my skill because someone found worth in me. That's all I really ever wanted in life was for someone other than my family to find worth in me. Families are biased, but there's something about others looking at you as someone who they can trust and depend on and look up to that makes you strive so much harder for your goals. I let coach Erman and coach Koans beat me. I let them determin a portion of my life that they never should have had control over. But then again, maybe God had different plans for me. I obviously wouldn't be the same person if I were currently a well renouned basketball star. My mind would be filled with completely different thoughts. I probably wouldn't even be at this school. So I don't count it all as loss I suppose. It is just unfortunate that children have to have their dreams squealched at such a young age by pathetic, shameful men who seek liberty from their failures by placing them on the heads of innocent and ambitious kids. I think that act and that act alone has made me into the relentless person that I am today. I will NOT be defeated! I REFUSE to let someone else dictate my life by denying me my dreams! It's funny how something so small can effect someone in such a big way. They probably didn't even think about it, so I guess I don't really judge them. Ya know, it's against all human nature to say so, but sometimes there doesn't have to be a guilty party. It's funny though, now that I think about it. I was taught some really bad ethics at this Christian school. I remember when I used to be what you might call a "tattle tail". If someone was doing something really bad, I would find an authority and inform them of it. One day I evidently crossed a line with one of the teachers by informing them of an injustice I another student had performed and that teacher punished me in his place. At the time I felt like I deserved it, but now I know differently. Injustice happens all to frequently, and I am a member of society. I have the right to have my voice heard because an injustice rarely effects one person within a society. It IS my business as well as the business of those around me. "You live in the same world." my high school principle used to say when he would incorporate group punishment. What kind of mixed signals was I receiving while I was growing up? Even this past year I was told by my highest employer of a plan for an honor system which would require someone to have integrity by requiring them to tell on someone who was disobeying the laws. Who is right? I tend to believe that neither of them is. First of all, it is not the job of peers to rat on their friends. We have highered authorities such as police or other means of law enforcement that are obligated with that authority in our society. If someone gets away with something, well then they get away with it. However... there are those who wish to have their voices heard, who refuse to stand by while injustice is being performed. More power to them. They are a dying breed in our society because of teachers like mine. But my argument is this: Forcing someone to have integrity is not integrity, it's just another law. The definition of integrity is doing the right thing even when no one else is looking. In example, it is not the job of a civilian to aprehend a criminal. That is what the police have been appointed to do. If a civilian wishes to aprehend a criminal however, I believe he should retain that right and not be punished in the place of the offender. But alas, screwed up ethics, screwed up morals, screwed up world. I am not in the least bit suprised.

Anyways, I just can't help think that God allowed all of this to happen this morning so that I could wake up and think about these things. I've never really adressed them before, and they really needed to be. I have to go now though because I have a test coming up shortly, and my stomach is less than happy about it's current empty situation. Peace and Love.