Punch Me in the FACE!

I have erased what I was typing three times now. I don't know what I want to say but that I want to say something. Everything has been so mixed up today and I'm so tired so I suppose my thoughts are merely reflecting that right now. My spirits still remain high. Maybe reality hasn't quite reached me yet, or maybe I'm just prepared for it. Maybe I'm not going to worry about it until it happens, or maybe I'm just a little more confident about myself as of late. I'm going to assume that it's a little bit of everything, but let's skip the technicalities and move on to the details.

Today I suppose the expected happened. I didn't really expect my friends to be able to come visit me and record, and sure enough my expectation was met today. It's just been that kind of year so the predictability wasn't too difficult. I expected the drama as of late to come to a head, and sure enough it did. It's not all bad though. First off, to the name callers I decree two things. First and foremost, grow up. This is college, and immediately following college comes real life. Second, throwing temper tantrums is something we did when we were too young to be able to articulate in an understanable manner, our true feelings. It was a vain attempt to get our way by making others around us SO annoyed that they would give in if we would stop crying. It reminds me of the first girl I dated. She had an potentially fatal eating disorder, and when we broke up she stopped eating and wouldn't until "I would go back out with her". I ended up buying her a chicken sandwich and agreed to go back out with her if she ate it, and she did, so I upkept my part of the bargain. What choice did I have? But I no longer had any respect for her after that, and I also made no permanent agreement. We broke up again shortly after. Ever since, I have been extremely callous to that manner of deligation. I have no more to say on that topic.

As for other news. My 21st birthday is coming up in a week. I'm getting a little nervous because lot's of people are coming up to me saying that they will buy me a drink. I'm very appreciative, but I can't have that many people buying me drinks. I have made a vow to myself that I would never get drunk, and I can't even hold much alcohol. If you haven't noticed... I'm not a very big man. I might have two drinks, maybe three, and then I'm callin it quits. I have a more European approach with drinking. In moderation it can be very healthy, but in America the only reason anyone drinks is to get hammered. In my opinion that is just plane stupid. It is an attempt to run away from what is real and often times painful. Plus... I've heard that Americans have horrible taste when it comes to alcohol anyways. So I guess I'll try some stuff out now and then, but I really just don't like alcohol in general. I had a beer in Germany and I've had wine before, and when it first hit my lips, it was like a big disappointment. People tell me it is an aquired taste, and I say to them... so is piss. Wine I kinda like, but not enough to get drunk off of. Wine just feels good to my throat and stomach. Ahh, so I'm a geek. I'm not a fan of alcohol... and I care because...

Well... nuff said for tonigh. I need sleep. I'll talk more tomorrow. Peace and love.