Persecuted not Abandoned

so election day is tomorrow and our new president will be selected. it's funny how i don't even really care anymore. i'm so sick of politics. after studying it and having a pretty good understanding of what goes on, it curdles my stomach to even listen now. instead i'm more concerned about passing that math test tomorrow or that paper i have due in three days. that is what is at the forefront of my mind. not that i haven't done my part or anything. i cast my vote. but i just want this to be over. i'm prepared to accept whoever wins and whatever ensues as a result of that. i did have some good news today though. i got in to the audio I class that i've been needing. i'm really excited about that because that's just one more thing that makes me want to stay here and not leave for the time being. i was seriously considering transfer next semester if i didn't get that class. i could go anywhere else and easily find my way into the classes i need for alot less money, but the size of the student body here in ratio to the class availability is just rediculous. also i noted today that the caf upped it's grade from a 63 to an 87. still not great, but better than what it used to be. as for my math test tomorrow, i feel doomed. i went to two math labs today and didn't understand a thing that was said to me... and this was one on one instruction. it will be a sad day the day i fail my first course, but as long as i have blood coursing through my veins, i shall continue to give it my best.

adversity has been something close to me lately. i've seen so much of it in such a short amount of time that i just can't help but give a better part of my time thinking about the principles of it. i recall my problems as a child being so simple, but seeming so complex at the time. i look at myself now and i feel as if i'm going to pass out from all of the stresses that i must face and then i recall the younger days. that's what gives me strenght. i'll look back on this when i get older and marval at how simple all of this was. but problems won't be solved with time. old problems will fade and new more difficult problems will take their place. that is the trend of life. it never gets easier. i have accepted that and am learning to cope with it right now. you look at people who are older than you and you think to your self how it looks so much easier. after all, they don't have to deal with this or that, but you do. it doesn't seem fair sometimes. but that's because our vision is so narrow. but why should we let adversity get the best of us? who said we had to be in pain our entire lives? learning to deal with it is important. you have to realize first off that you're not the only one. everybody has to face their own trials, and what might look easy to you in someone elses experience, might be the hardest thing they've ever gone through. but sometimes i think we get attatched to the wrong methods of overcoming. humor, for example, seems to me to be an opiut drug. it solves nothing, but it sure makes you numb. ecclesiastes talks about a wise man living in a state of sorrow while the foolish man lives in the house of laughter. that kind of makes sense to me now. people laugh about way too much. things no longer are taken seriously, and the next thing you know, people are staggaring around drunk and unaware. even God becomes someone to laugh at. things begin to look surreal. but everyone is more like an angry drunk in that when you try to take away their fun, they are bitter against you and lash out. i think that's why people hate true Christians so much. it's easy to be at peace when all is dark, but problems are pointed out when there are sources of light. people don't like to see problems. they would rather sleep comfortably in the ignorance of situational ethics.

but basically i've been going through alot of adversity lately and i've come to one conclusion. it will never be too hard. i'll know it was too hard when i'm dead, and even then i won't care. but for now i will learn to the best of my ability. i will do what i am called to do and i will do it with joy, not necissarily happiness, but joy. that's all i've got to say tonight. now i must study more for my test, but i hope all is well where you are. peace and love.