Lifted

well, i did okay on my math test today, so that is off my mind for the time being. also, i'm pretty sure, though i don't want to jinx it like cnn did in 2000, that bush won the election, so once again, even more off my chest. i will go ahead and say that though today was stressful, it was good. i am learning to alter to my new environment quite well i think. i know this semester isn't about to get easier, but i feel more confident and less distracted. my heart still continues to feel some sense of pain though, the reasons shall be held confidential, but such is life. there will always be things that i want, but that i just can't have. but i can deal with the loneliness for the time being. i just have to alter my means of expression which, though it isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, i can push myself through it. the funny thing about this very instance for me is... i'm not questioning the future like i usually would be. i am fully confident that God has the best in mind for me even though i can't see it right now. though i may not be as enticed by what life has to offer as i usually would be, i find joy in that i know things are in more control than i could ever hope for. the joy i have i am holding on to tightly. though i may appear lately to be dead, walking around campus, i have not given up all joy. things are just extrodinarily real to me right now and most serious. it is by no means wrong to experience times like these. they aren't bad for me but rather healthy. things have been coming into perspective lately like they never have before and i realize that i'm going to have to make huge decisions that will make for magnanimous changes on my current path. for the past few days i have been longing for someone to talk to, but i wouldn't know what to say even if i got that chance. i think right now the best thing i can get is more sleep and more quiet time. i am slowly gaining more of a sense of peace though, and that's all i really want. peace and love.