Second Wind

Last night in great haste, I briefly mentioned coming about my second wind. I was thinking about that in the shower this morning. The shower is the only place I can go where I know nobody will bother me, so generally I do most of my thinking there. I also find the rythm of the water and the warmth to be quite peaceful. But anyways I was thinking about this new determination that I have come by. I am blessed to have it, and I've already been noticing changes in my outlook on current situations. I realize that I am more often than not complaining about something rather than being greatful. It is a shame to be so consumed by life that all you notice are the negatives instead of the positives, but more often than not that is what we fall in to. It is so easy to do. You merely allow the current circumstances to luer you in and drown you out. Certainly there have been alot of things this semester to bring me down, but I bet I could have found lively meaning each and every day to combat the negative if I had only considered the mindset to do so. This morning I caught myself arising to a negative mood as usual. I felt bad about the exam I had to take and I was exhausted to boot. A few hours later at breakfast after the exam, I burned my thumb really bad. What happened was I put strawberry sauce in with my wafful batter to make a wafful and when it finished cooking I noticed that the strawberry goo stuck to the wafful iron. To remedy this, I grabbed a fork and scraped it off, picking the goo off of the fork and eating it. I eventually came across some goo that was not quite cool at all. It was molton hot and it stuck to my thumb and continued to burn until I could lick it all off. That was no fun. I'm pretty sure it hit a nerve because my thumb went numb for the most part, but that too was something to look at negatively. After the burn I had a two hour lab to go to that drained the life out of me. I was so exhausted I nerely passed out in class, but I was able to refrain. Getting back to my room I crashed into my covers and pillow and was asleep in a mere matter of seconds. It was fabulous! I had the most wonderful dream! I can't remember a dream that has made me feel better than this one did. When I awoke, I felt calm and at peace, but also positive about life. I felt that determination feeling again. I felt like I could beat whatever it was that I had to face today and tomorrow and for the rest of the semester. And if I fail, my life will not be over. It will only haunt me if I let it, but I will know one thing. I gave it my best. But I've always risen above adversity. I feel most like the biblical character of David. I am the youngest of my family, and I have overcome some of the most impossible odds. It makes me feel important to think about that. Not in a sense of I'm better than you, but in a sense that God must really have a plan for me. I've almost died numerous times, I was thought to have a fatal disease at birth. I was also thought to have another fatal disease at a later date. I don't remember the name of it, but I had all of the symptoms for it and if I did indeed have it, I would be dead right now. It kills you in your early 20's. I also had to overcome asthma, almost dying of that when I was thirteen. I spent a week in the hospital. My learning disabilities have been another obstical that I've had to overcome. This explains why I'm a 20 almost 21 year old sophomore in college. Tight situation after tight situation I have beed delivered through, so I feel important to God which gives me determination to thrive. It's alot like the Big Fish mentalitly. If you've ever seen the movie, there is a part where the kids go to see the witch's eye to find out how they will die. The main character says that knowing how he would die could possibly be depressing, but if he were to look at it the right way, it might proove to be a good thing. In knowing the way of his death, he would know that he could survive everything else, living life to it's fullest. I feel that way with God. God has his plans for me, including my time and place of death. I am His. I belong to Him, so my future therefore is in His hands. And who else would I rather have possession of my future than an all-knowing God who loves me? This gives me determination. I can fail sure enough, but I cannot be destroyed unless it is God's plan for me, and in that case, I'm fine with it. So I am now working on my focus. I wish to look at the picture and see the color and creativity of it rather than pointing out the obvious cover ups and mistakes. I also hope that tonight my dreams will be as pleasant as they were today. Tomorrow and the rest of the weekend I will not be here, nor will my cell phone be on. I am going on a retreat with the fraternity and I'm going to cut loose for a change. Not being on campus for a weekend means no responsibility to worry about and no impressions to be made. I'll even get to do some fire juggling which will be fun. So until Monday (or maybe Sunday night) Peace and Love.