A Moment

My body is tired right now, but no other part of me, so I suppose I will write until the rest follows suit or until I run out of things to say. Today was another one of those days where you can go outside and enjoy the weather and be at peace about life. And then, once you've been there for a while, you start to challenge yourself with deeper thoughts, defining thoughts. I've been going from one place to the next for the better part of the day. Some of it has been contemplating where my sense of humor has gone. I cherish silence and seriousness so much right now and I don't really know why. Some of it has been wasted on thinking about the distant past. That's not who I am or even who I could be, so why should I think about it? And then I started to think about self definition. I said something that I know I shouldn't have said as a result of my impatience. The verbal action I took as a result of my impatience was an action I'd like to reffer to vaguely as a "moment". It's a moment that very honestly reveals to you what you are. I could best associate it with that "moment" when an unconscious victim has cold water splashed in his face. It's a sharp awareness that teaches you something new, maybe good or bad, about yourself. I've been having alot of "moments" lately. I don't know where all of these lessons are pointed to, but it's best not to make suppositions, instead, you should simply keep yourself prepared.

Maybe I cherish silence and seriousness so much these days because it's something I don't have very often. My diet of food here consists of pizza and rootbeer almost every day, but when I was younger, pizza and rootbeer were greatly sought after. It seems to be the economic laws of supply and demand incorporated into the soul. I've noticed that here, everyone around me is always looking for the next joke, the next punchline so they can laugh. Why is that? From my own understanding and experience, I see it as a shield. At a more extreeme level, it's the same reason people get drunk or do drugs. It's a shield. And the automatic come-back from most people who partake in this laughing desperation is "you shouldn't take life so seriously." I disagree. Life is very serious and it is timed. We are fools if all we do is sit and laugh about it all of the time. We have no deep relationship. We simply fool ourselves into believing that the relationships we have are "deep". If you can't share your soul with a friend without them laughing about it, they are not your friends. If you don't feel comfortable around your friends unless you have enough alcohol on hand, they are not your friends. Some say friendship is relative. The only people who say that are the ones who have never experienced true selfless friendship. So throw out the bottle and throw out the humor. What is left? If anything is left it could well be considered friendship, all depth aside. But pressing for depth is a very desireable goal. Friends that pass the test of fire will help you endure life. Also, I've never heard the phrase "he laughed himself to life."

Peace and love.