I just spent the entire day studying for a pre-calculus test tomorrow. Matt and I went to Wendy's for a few hours and then came back and got a bit of tutoring in. Now it's almost three in the morning. We've already decided to skip our 8 o'clock class to rest our brains, but the test will come. I feel ready to rise and meet it.
I watched "A Clockwork Orange" today for philosophy class. The philosophy behind it was interesting, and I know they were trying to make a valid point, but the movie was still disgusting. It's not a movie I would like to see twice. I think I'll write my midterm on "The Godfather" instead. Once this math test is done, I'll be able to focus more on that paper and get it out of the way, leaving the rest of the week to daydreaming. Just a few more days until Arizona.
I've been thinking for the past few days on how college seems to rob us of our passion and dreams. It brings you to a new reality that you will only amount to getting by. I find that education aims its pupils towards what is known and not towards what is unknown. You learn to become obediant and fall in line with the rest of the world. I see dying faces when I walk across campus, people who once had dreams but now have accepted their mediocre existences. I see that in myself, and I have written on it progressively several times. It's a theme that keeps returning year after year, stronger and stronger. I long for excitement and adventure more and more. I know now why it is that youth are prone to be activists. They don't want to believe that they are just a cog in a wheel so they grab hold of an ideal and fight for it in attempts to stay on top of the water instead of sinking to the bottom with the rest of them. And slowly education peels back each white-knuckled finger from their tight grip on the dreams they once viewed as pinnacle. Their arms are then wrapped around a job and security. So American education is a mystery book we pick up and read starting at kindergarten. Teachers work for years trying to convince us that we are so much more. College is the final chapter, a horrible end to such a bright beginning. I've always prefered writing over reading anyways.
Peace and love.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
A Moment
My body is tired right now, but no other part of me, so I suppose I will write until the rest follows suit or until I run out of things to say. Today was another one of those days where you can go outside and enjoy the weather and be at peace about life. And then, once you've been there for a while, you start to challenge yourself with deeper thoughts, defining thoughts. I've been going from one place to the next for the better part of the day. Some of it has been contemplating where my sense of humor has gone. I cherish silence and seriousness so much right now and I don't really know why. Some of it has been wasted on thinking about the distant past. That's not who I am or even who I could be, so why should I think about it? And then I started to think about self definition. I said something that I know I shouldn't have said as a result of my impatience. The verbal action I took as a result of my impatience was an action I'd like to reffer to vaguely as a "moment". It's a moment that very honestly reveals to you what you are. I could best associate it with that "moment" when an unconscious victim has cold water splashed in his face. It's a sharp awareness that teaches you something new, maybe good or bad, about yourself. I've been having alot of "moments" lately. I don't know where all of these lessons are pointed to, but it's best not to make suppositions, instead, you should simply keep yourself prepared.
Maybe I cherish silence and seriousness so much these days because it's something I don't have very often. My diet of food here consists of pizza and rootbeer almost every day, but when I was younger, pizza and rootbeer were greatly sought after. It seems to be the economic laws of supply and demand incorporated into the soul. I've noticed that here, everyone around me is always looking for the next joke, the next punchline so they can laugh. Why is that? From my own understanding and experience, I see it as a shield. At a more extreeme level, it's the same reason people get drunk or do drugs. It's a shield. And the automatic come-back from most people who partake in this laughing desperation is "you shouldn't take life so seriously." I disagree. Life is very serious and it is timed. We are fools if all we do is sit and laugh about it all of the time. We have no deep relationship. We simply fool ourselves into believing that the relationships we have are "deep". If you can't share your soul with a friend without them laughing about it, they are not your friends. If you don't feel comfortable around your friends unless you have enough alcohol on hand, they are not your friends. Some say friendship is relative. The only people who say that are the ones who have never experienced true selfless friendship. So throw out the bottle and throw out the humor. What is left? If anything is left it could well be considered friendship, all depth aside. But pressing for depth is a very desireable goal. Friends that pass the test of fire will help you endure life. Also, I've never heard the phrase "he laughed himself to life."
Peace and love.
Maybe I cherish silence and seriousness so much these days because it's something I don't have very often. My diet of food here consists of pizza and rootbeer almost every day, but when I was younger, pizza and rootbeer were greatly sought after. It seems to be the economic laws of supply and demand incorporated into the soul. I've noticed that here, everyone around me is always looking for the next joke, the next punchline so they can laugh. Why is that? From my own understanding and experience, I see it as a shield. At a more extreeme level, it's the same reason people get drunk or do drugs. It's a shield. And the automatic come-back from most people who partake in this laughing desperation is "you shouldn't take life so seriously." I disagree. Life is very serious and it is timed. We are fools if all we do is sit and laugh about it all of the time. We have no deep relationship. We simply fool ourselves into believing that the relationships we have are "deep". If you can't share your soul with a friend without them laughing about it, they are not your friends. If you don't feel comfortable around your friends unless you have enough alcohol on hand, they are not your friends. Some say friendship is relative. The only people who say that are the ones who have never experienced true selfless friendship. So throw out the bottle and throw out the humor. What is left? If anything is left it could well be considered friendship, all depth aside. But pressing for depth is a very desireable goal. Friends that pass the test of fire will help you endure life. Also, I've never heard the phrase "he laughed himself to life."
Peace and love.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Set to Confusion
The sun was out today and will be tomorrow. The warmer weather has been inspiring and spring break is only a week away. There are several things I must accomplish before I am to arrive in AZ, but I think I'll use the last bit of breath I have to push it out and then sit back and relax. That means that this weekend will be a little strenuous, but if I can work hard enough just this little while, I'll be relaxed for the rest of the week.
Wow, I'm thirsty right now. I'm thirsty and I'm tired. I don't know what I want to do. The waterfountain is all the way on the first floor, so that would mean that I would have to walk all of those stairs just to get there to a warm waterfountain... Who wants to do that? Not me. I'll look for another excuse to go down there.
I think I realized today just how socially worn out I am. I think it's the dorm life. I'm growing out of it. It just doesn't seem right for me anymore. Something new and less busy perhaps. I'm beginning to appreciate silence more and more these days.
And now I'm confused. It's all working out fine until out of the blue something changes and redirects your attention to a pure form that you missed because you were so intent on looking down the road. But now you're down the road and everything you were looking for is here and seems less appealing than what it did when you were younger. So you look back and notice something there that you didn't notice before. It's something that could have been and then wasn't and then is again, but not really. You loose grip confusing dreams for reality and reality for dreams back and forth like a small boat in stormy waters until the blurryness from your eyes melts the two immages together, neither of them seem right now, but one is. Are you confused? I am.
Peace and love.
Wow, I'm thirsty right now. I'm thirsty and I'm tired. I don't know what I want to do. The waterfountain is all the way on the first floor, so that would mean that I would have to walk all of those stairs just to get there to a warm waterfountain... Who wants to do that? Not me. I'll look for another excuse to go down there.
I think I realized today just how socially worn out I am. I think it's the dorm life. I'm growing out of it. It just doesn't seem right for me anymore. Something new and less busy perhaps. I'm beginning to appreciate silence more and more these days.
And now I'm confused. It's all working out fine until out of the blue something changes and redirects your attention to a pure form that you missed because you were so intent on looking down the road. But now you're down the road and everything you were looking for is here and seems less appealing than what it did when you were younger. So you look back and notice something there that you didn't notice before. It's something that could have been and then wasn't and then is again, but not really. You loose grip confusing dreams for reality and reality for dreams back and forth like a small boat in stormy waters until the blurryness from your eyes melts the two immages together, neither of them seem right now, but one is. Are you confused? I am.
Peace and love.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
My Brain Hurts
Calculus hurts my brain even on days that I don't have it. That's unfortunate. I've got bags under my eyes and pretty much every sign of stress that I can carry, but hey, I'm not dead, so that's good news! All of my muscles are puddy though...
What did I do today? Not what I set out to do, that's for sure. I ran alot of errands and worked the front desk. During that time I did manage to squeeze in an hour of the Cosby Show. I really like that show. Speaking of shows, the show tonight that I ran audio for was pretty good. I've found a fondness for running the light board, but I really would like more time behind the mixer. I think I really need to feel more confident in myself in that setting. There are so many eyes watching me, but I know what I'm doing and I forget that sometimes. I mean I've been running live sound for years and years. I just didn't know alot of the technical terms for things. I think it's also hard to be in a class of all different skill levels, but hey, now I know how the people who know more than I do feel.
I really want to get some time in the studio. I feel ready to put my music to the test. That's right. I'm actually going to put it out to the public and let them taste it for a little bit and see how they like it. I've always been afraid that people wouldn't like my music and in turn that's sorta saying that you don't like me. My music and I are one entity, though one lacks actual consciousness... that's right... I do... especially in calculus. But I'm rather optomistic right now. I've been writing a whole lot more and I think I can do something with it. I have to market it cleverly though or nobody will buy into it. I've got my ideas. That's really all I'm good at... ideas. Now if only I could find a way to motivate myself to pull off all of the ideas that I have. I bet I would be doing pretty well by now. I just loose interest so quickly. The initial rush of having a good idea is great, but then it takes actual hard work to pull off and that's when I get bored. I loose sight of the prize. Wow, I'm like that in several areas of my life now that I think about it.
But these days I'm staying up far too late. I really think most of my stresses are due to lack of sleep, but that is one thing consistant about college life. I do ever enjoy sleep though. I just wish it didn't have to end so abruptly in the morning. I wish my body didn't hurt so bad when I woke up. I wish my alarm clock wasn't so annoying. You know what I'm talking about. If you've ever seen those commercials where people start of their days. There's an alarmclock ringing and they slap it and hop right out of bed. My friends, there are two, maybe more, sounds in this world that will make a man's skin crawl. The first is the fingernails down the chalk board, and the second is the droning/screaming/pounding/ringing sound of an alarm clock pushing you through the back door of your dreams out into the cold wet gutter.
But all this talk of sleep and alarm clocks has got me falling in and out of consciousness so I will leave you now. Peace and love.
What did I do today? Not what I set out to do, that's for sure. I ran alot of errands and worked the front desk. During that time I did manage to squeeze in an hour of the Cosby Show. I really like that show. Speaking of shows, the show tonight that I ran audio for was pretty good. I've found a fondness for running the light board, but I really would like more time behind the mixer. I think I really need to feel more confident in myself in that setting. There are so many eyes watching me, but I know what I'm doing and I forget that sometimes. I mean I've been running live sound for years and years. I just didn't know alot of the technical terms for things. I think it's also hard to be in a class of all different skill levels, but hey, now I know how the people who know more than I do feel.
I really want to get some time in the studio. I feel ready to put my music to the test. That's right. I'm actually going to put it out to the public and let them taste it for a little bit and see how they like it. I've always been afraid that people wouldn't like my music and in turn that's sorta saying that you don't like me. My music and I are one entity, though one lacks actual consciousness... that's right... I do... especially in calculus. But I'm rather optomistic right now. I've been writing a whole lot more and I think I can do something with it. I have to market it cleverly though or nobody will buy into it. I've got my ideas. That's really all I'm good at... ideas. Now if only I could find a way to motivate myself to pull off all of the ideas that I have. I bet I would be doing pretty well by now. I just loose interest so quickly. The initial rush of having a good idea is great, but then it takes actual hard work to pull off and that's when I get bored. I loose sight of the prize. Wow, I'm like that in several areas of my life now that I think about it.
But these days I'm staying up far too late. I really think most of my stresses are due to lack of sleep, but that is one thing consistant about college life. I do ever enjoy sleep though. I just wish it didn't have to end so abruptly in the morning. I wish my body didn't hurt so bad when I woke up. I wish my alarm clock wasn't so annoying. You know what I'm talking about. If you've ever seen those commercials where people start of their days. There's an alarmclock ringing and they slap it and hop right out of bed. My friends, there are two, maybe more, sounds in this world that will make a man's skin crawl. The first is the fingernails down the chalk board, and the second is the droning/screaming/pounding/ringing sound of an alarm clock pushing you through the back door of your dreams out into the cold wet gutter.
But all this talk of sleep and alarm clocks has got me falling in and out of consciousness so I will leave you now. Peace and love.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Set Sail
Okay, I'll just do that then. I'll set my sail. I'll just let this stuff go and let the wind cary me where I should go. Today the sun came out and so did my optimism. It wasn't exactly an easy day, but then again, I didn't really have time to dwell on the stuff that has been bothering me.
Other than that... there's not too much to say. Oh, I did end up hanging at the house last night working with Matt on calculus. We worked on it for four hours and only got five problems done! What's that all about?!?
Well... I'm afraid I'm a bit short winded today. Peace and love.
Other than that... there's not too much to say. Oh, I did end up hanging at the house last night working with Matt on calculus. We worked on it for four hours and only got five problems done! What's that all about?!?
Well... I'm afraid I'm a bit short winded today. Peace and love.
Monday, February 20, 2006
A Pile of Rocks
The rocks just keep building up higher and higher. I can either be insensative or I can die under the weight. What do you do in a situtation like this? I finished building a calendar last night and it was reveiled to me just how much I have to do in a week. That's only the concrete, not to mention all of the things that come up as spur of the moment or even homework. And then there are personal things compiling on top of all of that. One thing after another after another. I know this always happens about this time in the semester, but the period between breaths always seems longer than the one before. I might not get a spring break this year, come to discover, but I have no right to be upset about that given the current sitation. I will just have to learn to reconstruct without having time to be at peace. God knows what the future holds. I haven't given up yet. Peace and love.
It's Difficult, but Worth the Time Spent
I have run into another brick wall, but this one is different from the others. I finally know what I must do, and though it is not what I would like, I have to pain through it. But as a result of my mentality this weekend, I've been blessed with several new songs. I just finished writing one that almost made me cry. It's in a very simple form right now, but I hope to make a better recording tomorrow. That actually makes two recorded songs in one weekend for me, which is outstanding. But I don't think I've ever written a song so powerful before. It's funny how simple it is, but how much it chills every part of my body when played. It's like an atmosphere comes out of it that can't be avoided. Even though I know I should work on some math tonight. I want to just sit and write more songs. I don't know what I'll do. I just can't believe those words came out of me...
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Thoughts
Sometimes if you sit still long enough, things pop in to your head, new thoughts that have never come your way before. Sometimes they're good, and sometimes they're bad, and you never know when they will come and they always leave at the most inopportune times. I'd like to think that I'm pretty real with myself. I'm not happy all of the time and I'm also not sad all of the time because I'm honest with myself. I'm not perfect. That's not to say that people who are happy all of the time or sad all of the time aren't (real with themselves that is). That's just to say that I don't understand those people. But when thoughts come my way that convict me, I don't discard them. I analyze them to test their legitimacy. I want to understand the best I can who I am. Sometimes those thoughts hit me so hard that I can't be happy and when people try to cheer me up, it just makes it worse.
I can't figure out why I get hung up on the stuff that I do. I just keep going back and re-analyzing. Sometimes I feel like I could rekindle some hope. These times are so crazy. I guess tonight it hit me when the band that was plying at the show I was running sound for started talking about the subject and how it all worked out for them in the end. I just don't have that kind of hope. I do it to myself though. I dug this mindset for myself and now I don't feel like I could get out if I tried. I forgot to install an elevator... oops...
I've still got my sense of humor. That's helpful. I can just look out the window and laugh. My mind works like that. If my guard is down, it doesn't take much to throw my emotions from one side of the field to the other. Sunshine helps though. Tomorrow I won't be so fortunate to have the sun beaming down upon my head. It will be cloudy and rainy. Thanks Nashville.
I'm about ready for bed now. I had a weird dream last night. Several actually... now that I think about it. In one of them something hit me in the back of my head and knocked two teeth out of my mouth. I felt my gums where they were and found the teeth on the ground. One of them was broken into pieces, but I saved them both hoping that I could get to a dentist before they were permanently gone. I was also at this huge house with a spa and a swimming pool and a huge room with a finished stone floor and windows that stretched down to the ground. They looked like upside-down u's. Like this IUUUUUI only there were several more and they were on both sides. In the center of the far wall there was a huge stone fireplace. Then out of a door came a woman dressed in a white fur coat with stockings on and skin colored high heels. She had her brown shiny hair pulled back tightly and put in a bun. Over her eyes were large framed brown sunglasses. Her husband came with her. He had shoulder length two toned blond hair and a pinstripe suit on. They just walked into the room and posed in the middle. I remember thinking "how fake" and continued on with the dream.
Hope I have more of those... Peace and love.
I can't figure out why I get hung up on the stuff that I do. I just keep going back and re-analyzing. Sometimes I feel like I could rekindle some hope. These times are so crazy. I guess tonight it hit me when the band that was plying at the show I was running sound for started talking about the subject and how it all worked out for them in the end. I just don't have that kind of hope. I do it to myself though. I dug this mindset for myself and now I don't feel like I could get out if I tried. I forgot to install an elevator... oops...
I've still got my sense of humor. That's helpful. I can just look out the window and laugh. My mind works like that. If my guard is down, it doesn't take much to throw my emotions from one side of the field to the other. Sunshine helps though. Tomorrow I won't be so fortunate to have the sun beaming down upon my head. It will be cloudy and rainy. Thanks Nashville.
I'm about ready for bed now. I had a weird dream last night. Several actually... now that I think about it. In one of them something hit me in the back of my head and knocked two teeth out of my mouth. I felt my gums where they were and found the teeth on the ground. One of them was broken into pieces, but I saved them both hoping that I could get to a dentist before they were permanently gone. I was also at this huge house with a spa and a swimming pool and a huge room with a finished stone floor and windows that stretched down to the ground. They looked like upside-down u's. Like this IUUUUUI only there were several more and they were on both sides. In the center of the far wall there was a huge stone fireplace. Then out of a door came a woman dressed in a white fur coat with stockings on and skin colored high heels. She had her brown shiny hair pulled back tightly and put in a bun. Over her eyes were large framed brown sunglasses. Her husband came with her. He had shoulder length two toned blond hair and a pinstripe suit on. They just walked into the room and posed in the middle. I remember thinking "how fake" and continued on with the dream.
Hope I have more of those... Peace and love.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I Need Rest Like Pretty Bad Yo
I am tired.
Let me introduce you to more of my friends. First off, we have The Viking.
He is fast and strong and over 2000 years old. That means he was down with Jesus... like seriously, they wrestled and stuff. The disciples thought Viking was crazy. Not much has changed. He's still pretty nuts. He lives at the house and likes frisbee and World of Warcraft and Harry Potter books. Some people call him Jeremy Stephens, but those some people had funerals on cold rainy days.
Next up we have Burly Mike. We just call him Burly though, and by this picture I hope you know why.
He's also livin at the house with the others. Burly has hair almost everywhere and can yell like a champ. He is what we college students call a "professional" in that he (and also Viking) have real jobs that pay real money. Way to go Burly. Oh, and I like milk. I keep it in my fridge sometimes... until it goes bad that is.
That's all for tonight I think. I've got more pictures, but I don't feel like posting them right now. I'm more interested in going to bed. The rest of the day from my first post was down hill. I started loosing consciousness at around 7 o'clock and I don't really remember much after that. I did go and pass out a bunch of our dorm Valentine's Day cards. I suppose I could show you that real quick... Actually... I'm not sure if that's going to work right now. Tell you what. I'll work on it at some point, but right now I'm going to bed. I look forward to tomorrow. Peace and love.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Slowly Slowly
I've finally slowed down enough today to be able to write shortly on the goings ons. Last night at about 2am I freaked out like CRAZY because when I looked at my syllibus for Philosophy it said that I missed a test that counted 25% of my grade last thursday because I felt like sleeping instead. The night was restless because you just can't sleep very well when that's the last bit of information you get before you hit the sheets.
When I woke up, I was crabby and running late. I managed to throw on a hat and some cloths and get to class only a minute late which is pretty good for waking up 10 minutes prior and having a five minute walk to class and still managing to brush my teeth before.
Then came philosophy. I got there still pretty nervous about the test only to find out that there was no test even in sight as far as the professor had announced. That was good news for me. I spent the rest of the class debating my professor as to why Utilitarianism is stupid. If pleasure = happiness = good and that an individual's persuite of such pleasure creates good for the whole then that means that murder and slavery are a-okay. There seems to be a problem with that equation to me.
Other than that, I'm pretty busy these days. I have my eyes fixed on spring break, but we'll see how soon that day arrives. Lots to do before then I'm afraid. Right now I'm going to rest before I have to go to the studio. I'm learning Pro-Tools techniques tonight. Last night, in preperation, I went down to the studio just to play on it for a while. I have alot to learn. But I have managed to write three new songs over the course of one hour over the weekend. One of them is already recorded and the other two are still in the final stages. I've just been to busy to pay them much attention. Here we go. I'm outta here. Won't be in till late late late tonight. Peace and love.
When I woke up, I was crabby and running late. I managed to throw on a hat and some cloths and get to class only a minute late which is pretty good for waking up 10 minutes prior and having a five minute walk to class and still managing to brush my teeth before.
Then came philosophy. I got there still pretty nervous about the test only to find out that there was no test even in sight as far as the professor had announced. That was good news for me. I spent the rest of the class debating my professor as to why Utilitarianism is stupid. If pleasure = happiness = good and that an individual's persuite of such pleasure creates good for the whole then that means that murder and slavery are a-okay. There seems to be a problem with that equation to me.
Other than that, I'm pretty busy these days. I have my eyes fixed on spring break, but we'll see how soon that day arrives. Lots to do before then I'm afraid. Right now I'm going to rest before I have to go to the studio. I'm learning Pro-Tools techniques tonight. Last night, in preperation, I went down to the studio just to play on it for a while. I have alot to learn. But I have managed to write three new songs over the course of one hour over the weekend. One of them is already recorded and the other two are still in the final stages. I've just been to busy to pay them much attention. Here we go. I'm outta here. Won't be in till late late late tonight. Peace and love.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Snow'd
Today was an interesting day. I spent most of it in the studio with Matt's family who came up to record. The songs were good and the session went very well, though it was rather long. I need to learn all I can while I have the opportunity. After college, I'm not neccissarily guarunteed a studio to work in and master.
It shouldn't suprise me, though, that I've been exhausted today. I was up so late last night. I went to a session that Matt and Stuffy were playing in and that Aaron was producing. After that we went to the house and had soup and watched tv. By the time the show was over and the soup was gone, it was 2:30 am. I started to go to bed, and then Burly got home. We ended up talking for a while about stuff. I was telling him how jaded and numb I've been feeling about certain stuff lately, but it's not depressing at all. He seems to think that I'll pull out of it and I seem to be feeling rather indifferent about it. In fact, I think the numbness has brought me to feel so good for the past few months. I don't know... I'm tired. I shouldn't be talking about stuff like this right now.
I do realize that I need some motivation pretty bad. I'm getting sucked in to that black hole that school does so well. I'm so busy that I feel like I'm on auto-pilot all the time. I think spring break will be good to get me back on my feet.
But it snowed today. I was glad to see it, though it wasn't much. There's something about the beauty of falling snow that is inspiring to me. I just went outside and stood in it for a while. I was the only one around and it was just quite with the street lights making it visible as it drifted down from the clouds. I do wish more of it had stuck, but this is Nashville and I have to get used to the fact that it doesn't really snow that much here ever. Speaking of which, when I went to the grocery store last night to pick up some food for the weekend it was packed! There were people there buying bread and milk and weeks worth of food for the "storm". I laughed because anyone who is familiar with snow and how freezing water works would know that anything that would have fallen last night or tonight wouldn't have stuck, and anything that did would have melted by the next day. The temperature here just bounces at such polar extreemes. Anyways, what were you planning on doing with all of that bread and especially all of that milk?
Now I suppose I should say my peace about Valentine's Day. I've been immersed in it for the past few days and it really makes me want to vomit on something new and clean. This is the only holiday that I refuse to take part in and will continue to do so. It just seems so completely shallow to me. "Hey, I think we need a day out of the year where we can do special stuff for the one we love!" Wow... great idea. It seems to me that it's completely based around girls. I don't know how it became that way, but it did, and now it victimizes them. They feel like if someone doesn't do something for them on Valentine's Day then there is something wrong with them. Do you recall my theory about this? I write at least two journals on it a year. Whatever. I think it would be inappropriate for me to discuss that theory right now. Plus, again, I'm tired. But to make things short, I'm sure it's great for the girls that have boyfriends, but that seems to be the only group of individuals that gets anything out of it. Guys have to pay an arm and a leg and plan like crazy to pull something off, so it's not a walk in the park for them, and it ESPECIALLY isn't cool for single girls. So I say let's get rid of it. Pretend that the day doesn't exist and make the majority feel good on what used to be Valentine's Day. Guys will save money, women won't have self examination crying parties with their other single girlfriends, and everyone will be awesome except for Hallmark and the Tissue Company. The only thing I really like about Valentine's Day is the heart candy. But it's not really the heart that does it for me. It could be in the shape of buttcheeks (if you turn them up-side-down, they are) and I would still like it. In Summary: Everybody chill out. Stop buying all of that cheezy crap. Girls, stop looking for reasons to feel like you suck. Guys, you don't have to wait for a day out of the year to do something special. Single guys, don't let em stick it to you when you don't really care. We can win in a state of apethy, but not if we have a bunch of you panzies walkin around being bitter. Nobody likes "that guy".
There. My peace on the holiday has been said. Now I shall go to... sleep. (I didn't want that to rhyme). Peace and love.
It shouldn't suprise me, though, that I've been exhausted today. I was up so late last night. I went to a session that Matt and Stuffy were playing in and that Aaron was producing. After that we went to the house and had soup and watched tv. By the time the show was over and the soup was gone, it was 2:30 am. I started to go to bed, and then Burly got home. We ended up talking for a while about stuff. I was telling him how jaded and numb I've been feeling about certain stuff lately, but it's not depressing at all. He seems to think that I'll pull out of it and I seem to be feeling rather indifferent about it. In fact, I think the numbness has brought me to feel so good for the past few months. I don't know... I'm tired. I shouldn't be talking about stuff like this right now.
I do realize that I need some motivation pretty bad. I'm getting sucked in to that black hole that school does so well. I'm so busy that I feel like I'm on auto-pilot all the time. I think spring break will be good to get me back on my feet.
But it snowed today. I was glad to see it, though it wasn't much. There's something about the beauty of falling snow that is inspiring to me. I just went outside and stood in it for a while. I was the only one around and it was just quite with the street lights making it visible as it drifted down from the clouds. I do wish more of it had stuck, but this is Nashville and I have to get used to the fact that it doesn't really snow that much here ever. Speaking of which, when I went to the grocery store last night to pick up some food for the weekend it was packed! There were people there buying bread and milk and weeks worth of food for the "storm". I laughed because anyone who is familiar with snow and how freezing water works would know that anything that would have fallen last night or tonight wouldn't have stuck, and anything that did would have melted by the next day. The temperature here just bounces at such polar extreemes. Anyways, what were you planning on doing with all of that bread and especially all of that milk?
Now I suppose I should say my peace about Valentine's Day. I've been immersed in it for the past few days and it really makes me want to vomit on something new and clean. This is the only holiday that I refuse to take part in and will continue to do so. It just seems so completely shallow to me. "Hey, I think we need a day out of the year where we can do special stuff for the one we love!" Wow... great idea. It seems to me that it's completely based around girls. I don't know how it became that way, but it did, and now it victimizes them. They feel like if someone doesn't do something for them on Valentine's Day then there is something wrong with them. Do you recall my theory about this? I write at least two journals on it a year. Whatever. I think it would be inappropriate for me to discuss that theory right now. Plus, again, I'm tired. But to make things short, I'm sure it's great for the girls that have boyfriends, but that seems to be the only group of individuals that gets anything out of it. Guys have to pay an arm and a leg and plan like crazy to pull something off, so it's not a walk in the park for them, and it ESPECIALLY isn't cool for single girls. So I say let's get rid of it. Pretend that the day doesn't exist and make the majority feel good on what used to be Valentine's Day. Guys will save money, women won't have self examination crying parties with their other single girlfriends, and everyone will be awesome except for Hallmark and the Tissue Company. The only thing I really like about Valentine's Day is the heart candy. But it's not really the heart that does it for me. It could be in the shape of buttcheeks (if you turn them up-side-down, they are) and I would still like it. In Summary: Everybody chill out. Stop buying all of that cheezy crap. Girls, stop looking for reasons to feel like you suck. Guys, you don't have to wait for a day out of the year to do something special. Single guys, don't let em stick it to you when you don't really care. We can win in a state of apethy, but not if we have a bunch of you panzies walkin around being bitter. Nobody likes "that guy".
There. My peace on the holiday has been said. Now I shall go to... sleep. (I didn't want that to rhyme). Peace and love.
Friday, February 10, 2006
What's This Cold?
It finally got cold... wow. My right hand, especially, has been cold lately. I don't know why that is. Maybe my muscles are just TOO BIG FOR BLOOD CIRCULATION ;p But leave it to Belmont to turn off the heat on one of the coldest days of the year. I tell you what, Pembroke gets the shaft far too often. Oh, and get this, our water fountains are still broken, but Belmont decided to install new exit signs through the building even though the older ones still worked. I guess they just didn't look as cool. But the water fountain is still at the bottom of the list. That is why, if it is not fixed by the end of next week, I am going to order the part and fix it my self. I already got ahold of the manufacturers of the waterfountain, and it won't be too expensive.
Oh, new friend to introduce. Everyone meet Aaron Proffitt "A.P."
A.P. is the RA guy that lives right below me on second floor. I try not to make too much noise... but I still do (hehe). He plays bass in the band along with Matt on drums and me on guitar and vocals. I think we have a show scheduled for April Fool's day. (Is it posessive fool or plural fool?) He, like Matt, is one of the original second floor group from freshman year (only he's a senior... a senior that will do, as we call, a victory lap next year). He really didn't like that picture because he thinks it detracts from an intelligent impression but TOO BAD... I'm using it anyways. The picture was taken down at the front desk... because that's where I've been working for the past two hours.
I had my RA interview today for re-hiring next year (not counting my chickens before they hatch). As I told the guys today, I still lack one huge piece of the puzzle that would allow me to live off campus next year... a job. But in the interview I was asked why I wanted to return as an RA. I said "I know this is a bad analogy, but I'm going to use it anyways. It's like Shawshank Redemption where the guy was let out of prison. I've been in this metaphorical prison for so long, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I got out." Then one of the RDs said "...Well... that guy ended up hanging himself..." so I looked at them with a serious face and said "... I want you to think about that then..." It's a good thing they knew me and my sense of humor and knew that I was joking. They laughed about it, so I think I'll get re-hired.
Oh, I skipped a class this morning. I was too tired so I caught up on my sleep. I also managed to get to the airport to finalize my tickets to Arizona. Brain, I'm coming, so be ready.
The suprisingly best part of the day was math class. We had a sub fill in for our regular because she was out of town. But this sub was refreshing. She was good because she was synical. She new she was teaching us garbage, but she taught us anyways. That's what I needed. I needed to see that synical math learners can succeed. Now I have motivation to keep going. But not only that, she managed to teach in a manner that I understood. Yay!
Well... I'm out. Peace and love.
Oh, new friend to introduce. Everyone meet Aaron Proffitt "A.P."
A.P. is the RA guy that lives right below me on second floor. I try not to make too much noise... but I still do (hehe). He plays bass in the band along with Matt on drums and me on guitar and vocals. I think we have a show scheduled for April Fool's day. (Is it posessive fool or plural fool?) He, like Matt, is one of the original second floor group from freshman year (only he's a senior... a senior that will do, as we call, a victory lap next year). He really didn't like that picture because he thinks it detracts from an intelligent impression but TOO BAD... I'm using it anyways. The picture was taken down at the front desk... because that's where I've been working for the past two hours.
I had my RA interview today for re-hiring next year (not counting my chickens before they hatch). As I told the guys today, I still lack one huge piece of the puzzle that would allow me to live off campus next year... a job. But in the interview I was asked why I wanted to return as an RA. I said "I know this is a bad analogy, but I'm going to use it anyways. It's like Shawshank Redemption where the guy was let out of prison. I've been in this metaphorical prison for so long, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I got out." Then one of the RDs said "...Well... that guy ended up hanging himself..." so I looked at them with a serious face and said "... I want you to think about that then..." It's a good thing they knew me and my sense of humor and knew that I was joking. They laughed about it, so I think I'll get re-hired.
Oh, I skipped a class this morning. I was too tired so I caught up on my sleep. I also managed to get to the airport to finalize my tickets to Arizona. Brain, I'm coming, so be ready.
The suprisingly best part of the day was math class. We had a sub fill in for our regular because she was out of town. But this sub was refreshing. She was good because she was synical. She new she was teaching us garbage, but she taught us anyways. That's what I needed. I needed to see that synical math learners can succeed. Now I have motivation to keep going. But not only that, she managed to teach in a manner that I understood. Yay!
Well... I'm out. Peace and love.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
A Day of Technological Discovery
I'm still on a quest to discover my new computer's full potential. I've been working alot with it today. other than that, I did most of what I set out to do. Not much action going on here though. Lots of the same ol same ol. My neck feels like it's sunburned right now which is weird, but whatever.
Wow, I've realized that my journals just keep getting shorter and shorter. I've been going through a very dry spell. I also think I've been more proned to keeping my thoughts to myself lately. I don't know what my deal is. Well... I do, but I should probably just write that in my private journal.
I think the biggest thing is that I could totally use more sleep. I think that would bring me into a level of smoother efficiency. Speaking of efficiency, I have a management test tomorrow that I haven't started studying for yet. I don't feel nervous about it though. I think management is common sense stuff. I actually have a hard time paying attention in class because it just clicks for me. That's not to say that I'd make a great manager yet... maybe someday, but I like working the bottom lines for now. I think that's the best way to learn how to lead.
And another day has come to pass. I'll talk tomorrow maybe with more to say. Peace and love.
Wow, I've realized that my journals just keep getting shorter and shorter. I've been going through a very dry spell. I also think I've been more proned to keeping my thoughts to myself lately. I don't know what my deal is. Well... I do, but I should probably just write that in my private journal.
I think the biggest thing is that I could totally use more sleep. I think that would bring me into a level of smoother efficiency. Speaking of efficiency, I have a management test tomorrow that I haven't started studying for yet. I don't feel nervous about it though. I think management is common sense stuff. I actually have a hard time paying attention in class because it just clicks for me. That's not to say that I'd make a great manager yet... maybe someday, but I like working the bottom lines for now. I think that's the best way to learn how to lead.
And another day has come to pass. I'll talk tomorrow maybe with more to say. Peace and love.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
What's This Button Do?
Well... where was this picture taken and why. I shall tell you. It was taken in my room from my... new computer! I'm so excited. This thing runs like a dream! and I don't know what to do with all of this extra space. What I'm going to have to work on, though, is this new keyboard. It doesn't have the "clack clack clack" key noise that used to lul me into passivity. It's also very soft and dainty and small. Basically typing feels very weird right now, but that's okay, because this is a Mac and not a PC!
So I'll be including more pictures in my post now. I can slowly introduce you to my friends as they come over so you can finally see what some of them look like. And by the way... let me introduce you to my friend Matt.
Matt, everybody. Everybody, Matt. Matt hangs around Pembroke frequently, working the desk, and furthering the world in long haired excellence. He is a drummer/bass player from SC and likes to hunt, play music, and be beaten by the rest of the guys for no good reason what so ever. Now you know... and knowing is half the battle (G.I. JOEEEEEEEEEEE)
But anyways, today I tried to go to the airport to get my ticket exchanged, but the ticket desks were already closed, so I'll be going in again tomorrow to try once more. Viking went with me tonight though. He was tellin me about riding his bike to and from work. Bikes are fun.
Now I shall sleep because today I was dog tired the entire duration. I might find a day soon where I can just sleep in and not have to worry about anything, but that might be a while. Anyways, peace and love.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Before Midnight
I've come to understand another facet of why I hate math so much. I am the product of abusive math teachers. That's not to say that math teachers physically beat me in school. I remember math teachers all throughout my school going years would yell at me, embarrass me in class, and get very annoyed with me whenever I asked a question. I was always slower at math than the other kids. Now whenever I have a question in math class, I keep it to myself. I just can't get over that possibility of being yelled at and embarrassed in front of everyone. That's pretty weird considering that I don't really get stage fright easily. I've goofed up infront of thousands of people and I still go back for more. Weird how that works.
Today was pretty fast. I finally turned in my ticket voucher for a round trip to Arizona over spring break. I'm going to visit Brian and Mary and see part of the country that I've never seen before. I'm really looking forward to it.
Hah, it's funny. Right now I want to talk about so much, but I just don't have anything to say. I mean, I could talk alot without having anything to say, we all know that, but I just feel slightly small right now. Maybe my mouth could stand to close for a while and my ears could stand to open. Sometimes I just lack the patience. It also might have to do with the large amounts of self-confusion I'm enduring right now. The past always seems to come up as an issue at the wrong times. Maybe tomorrow I'll find some clarity. Peace and love.
Today was pretty fast. I finally turned in my ticket voucher for a round trip to Arizona over spring break. I'm going to visit Brian and Mary and see part of the country that I've never seen before. I'm really looking forward to it.
Hah, it's funny. Right now I want to talk about so much, but I just don't have anything to say. I mean, I could talk alot without having anything to say, we all know that, but I just feel slightly small right now. Maybe my mouth could stand to close for a while and my ears could stand to open. Sometimes I just lack the patience. It also might have to do with the large amounts of self-confusion I'm enduring right now. The past always seems to come up as an issue at the wrong times. Maybe tomorrow I'll find some clarity. Peace and love.
Monday, February 06, 2006
When It Comes, I Will Smile
The weekend is over, and it was a rather rough weekend to be had. I mean I had some good times, but I came to realize how complicated some of my difficulties are... more complicated than I would have ever given them credit. It all seemed to spill out last night while driving back from the house with Stuffy. It came out in complete raw honesty that even threw him back a few steps. So when I got back to my room I just turned off my light and played my guitar, trying to write something depicting accurately how I felt, but then not being able to. The emotion just left all of the sudden as if it had never been there in the first place, but I didn't want it to leave. I wanted it to stay so I could figure it out. I felt rather ripped off because I felt like I was making headway but then it just vanished into nothingness. I felt like a blank tape, so I went to sleep.
This morning I woke up still feeling emotionless. I went to church and sat on the floor in the back. I like sitting on the floor. But the whole service I sat there and thought about what it was that I said the night before. I came to understand it in a weird sort of way, as if part of me knew about it, but the other part wasn't paying any attention. But I did look around the congregation for a while. I realized in that moment that there were 500 plus people providing a comfortable distance for me from the pastor. Maybe I should rephraze that. There were 500 plus excuses providing a comfortable distance for me from the pastor... but then I got to thinking. That's a sword that cuts both ways. There are also 500 plus individuals between him and one person. What would happen if just two men were put in one room with the same things to say that were on both of our minds? What would be accomplished and what would be destroyed? The thought alone makes me feel uncomfortable, but maybe it should. Too many people walk through the doors of the church looking for someone to blame for their lack of growth or for their failures, but it's all mental. None of those people fight back. It's the same reason why we feel so at ease to exhert rage against someone who serves us injustice on the road. They don't fight back... most of the time... you're safe in your car aren't you? You're safe in your mind aren't you? And the answer came to me that yes, I am saddened by the state of the church. So many people stand in those buildings who wouldn't be there if someone wasn't going to think ill of them if they weren't. But am I a problem or a solution? I do not find neutral grounds in such an affair.
I understand now one of the reason why we are to rejoice in persecution. Persecution is not a curse at all. It is a refining fire that yeilds devotion and sincerity and does away with social agendas. To put it simply, it helps you make up your mind as to who you serve.
But tonight was a wonderful cap on the weekend. It was good company, good fellowship, and a relatively decent football game. I haven't seen the group that unpressured and relaxed in a long time, and it was a nice change of pace. I also got to help fix the guys' toilet and put up some decorations in their house to bring it together. We also finally put up the "Ye Olde Pembroke" sign in front of the house. It really brings it together. Now all that's between me and a good day tomorrow is calculus homework. Hope you all are doing well. Peace and love.
This morning I woke up still feeling emotionless. I went to church and sat on the floor in the back. I like sitting on the floor. But the whole service I sat there and thought about what it was that I said the night before. I came to understand it in a weird sort of way, as if part of me knew about it, but the other part wasn't paying any attention. But I did look around the congregation for a while. I realized in that moment that there were 500 plus people providing a comfortable distance for me from the pastor. Maybe I should rephraze that. There were 500 plus excuses providing a comfortable distance for me from the pastor... but then I got to thinking. That's a sword that cuts both ways. There are also 500 plus individuals between him and one person. What would happen if just two men were put in one room with the same things to say that were on both of our minds? What would be accomplished and what would be destroyed? The thought alone makes me feel uncomfortable, but maybe it should. Too many people walk through the doors of the church looking for someone to blame for their lack of growth or for their failures, but it's all mental. None of those people fight back. It's the same reason why we feel so at ease to exhert rage against someone who serves us injustice on the road. They don't fight back... most of the time... you're safe in your car aren't you? You're safe in your mind aren't you? And the answer came to me that yes, I am saddened by the state of the church. So many people stand in those buildings who wouldn't be there if someone wasn't going to think ill of them if they weren't. But am I a problem or a solution? I do not find neutral grounds in such an affair.
I understand now one of the reason why we are to rejoice in persecution. Persecution is not a curse at all. It is a refining fire that yeilds devotion and sincerity and does away with social agendas. To put it simply, it helps you make up your mind as to who you serve.
But tonight was a wonderful cap on the weekend. It was good company, good fellowship, and a relatively decent football game. I haven't seen the group that unpressured and relaxed in a long time, and it was a nice change of pace. I also got to help fix the guys' toilet and put up some decorations in their house to bring it together. We also finally put up the "Ye Olde Pembroke" sign in front of the house. It really brings it together. Now all that's between me and a good day tomorrow is calculus homework. Hope you all are doing well. Peace and love.
Friday, February 03, 2006
A Black Streak on a Runway
And then there was the math test. All of my highs in life this week met their fatal end at the hands of a seemingly impossible calculus test that took all the wind out of my sails. Now I feel completely burned out. Into the introvert we go, when we come out, nobody knows.
I really just want to be in the quiet for a little while so I can recollect. My idea of a good time right now would be a movie, some good food, a couple of beers, and close friends. Grrr... but I hate feeling like this because I know others depend on me, and letting them down only makes me feel worse. Vicious cycle? Maybe.
But I worked out most of my agression in the gym today. Maybe I worked myself a little too hard because now I have absolutely zero energy left. So now I'm going to go get something to eat and work the desk for a few hours. That should be fun... Maybe I'll play some old video games or something. An activity that involves no thought would be ideal. Well... hope you all have a splendid weekend. Peace and love.
I really just want to be in the quiet for a little while so I can recollect. My idea of a good time right now would be a movie, some good food, a couple of beers, and close friends. Grrr... but I hate feeling like this because I know others depend on me, and letting them down only makes me feel worse. Vicious cycle? Maybe.
But I worked out most of my agression in the gym today. Maybe I worked myself a little too hard because now I have absolutely zero energy left. So now I'm going to go get something to eat and work the desk for a few hours. That should be fun... Maybe I'll play some old video games or something. An activity that involves no thought would be ideal. Well... hope you all have a splendid weekend. Peace and love.
Pressure Gage
I must say that the past few days have been rather pressured, but it all comes down to tomorrow. I'd probably feel ten times better if I didn't have a calculus test in the way.
But tonight was the PMA vs. SAI recital and I played "Helplessly Lovely", one of the songs I wrote. three of the judges had nothing to say except for my shirt clashin with my guitar and that I was chewing gum. Whatever. The two judges that mattered liked it and told me they were very impressed to hear such music come from a non music major. That made me happy.
Matt and I then tried to study calculus, but before that we made egg drop soup, and then we sat down and realized that we both have an equal level of discouragement when it comes to the subject, so we didn't get much done. I'm going to try my best to study tomorrow, but we'll see how much I can retain.
Other than that, I don't have much to put down. I probably will this weekend, and who knows... maybe the sun will come out and brighten things up a bit. I hate clouds :(.
Peace and love.
But tonight was the PMA vs. SAI recital and I played "Helplessly Lovely", one of the songs I wrote. three of the judges had nothing to say except for my shirt clashin with my guitar and that I was chewing gum. Whatever. The two judges that mattered liked it and told me they were very impressed to hear such music come from a non music major. That made me happy.
Matt and I then tried to study calculus, but before that we made egg drop soup, and then we sat down and realized that we both have an equal level of discouragement when it comes to the subject, so we didn't get much done. I'm going to try my best to study tomorrow, but we'll see how much I can retain.
Other than that, I don't have much to put down. I probably will this weekend, and who knows... maybe the sun will come out and brighten things up a bit. I hate clouds :(.
Peace and love.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
So Amazing
I can't begin to describe the feeling I had throughout the day. I was met with all sorts of different negativities, but it just rolled off as if I were just some waxed surface of optimism. I feel full of something good, something God sent that I can't really describe. Maybe I finally have the courage to move forward. But today just seemed like all of the right things were happening, not just for me, but for the people around me. One of my friends finally talked to a special someone, and it went really well for him. I was really pulling for him, so I'm glad it worked out.
My room is a mess, much like my obligations, but strangely enough, it's not effecting my mood at all. I'll probably do some cleaning tomorrow, maybe some organizing on top of that. Who knows... I might even get a little help from my buddy Frank Sinatra. See, I clean, dance, and lip sync while Frank sings. That's pretty much how it works, if you didn't already know.
I was over at the house tonight and had a good conversation with Burly as we were the only ones there for a while. I got to talk a little bit about my past, which I don't do too often. It's nice to have an actual person listen every once in a while. I mean, this journal is great and all, but it's not everything. And anyways, I feel like I've gotten to know Burly alot better in just this past year. We never really used to have much deep discussion, but now it's more of a frequent thing. On my way back though, I saw the remnants of a horrible accident that the police were trying to clean up. There was a collision between a car and an SUV both involving student aged people. There was debris everywhere and the SUV was up-side-down in the middle of the road. It's funny how fast people my age can look like decently self-managed adults one minute, and scared shaking little children in the face of trauma the next. I immagine life was casual for them a few minutes before, but when I saw them they were sitting on the curb huddled over with wide tearful eyes watching the police secure the area. I wanted to stop and help in fear that they might have been Belmont students, but I didn't have my phone with me, so even if I did, I would have just gotten in the way, not to mention that the police probably wouldn't have let a complete stranger approach the scene.
That's always sobering. You can think you know everything. All of your theology and philosophy is worked out the right way and then calamity strikes. You transform from a "civilized" and "cultured" human being into a wounded animal. I think of that because in philosophy class this morning there was a heated argument among the class. I say argument and not debate because you don't bring attitude to debate, you bring evidence. This argument went on and even though I felt strongly for one side, I didn't say very much. As soon as I spoke I could tell that the atmosphere wasn't one of acceptance, so I just sat there and smiled to my self thinking how silly all of it seemed. People were arguing and making enemies over a class discussion that has essentially been debated for the better part of the century. If there was one "right" that everyone could have agreed on, it would be more likely that someone of age and wisdom would have figured it out and presented it already, not us unexperienced "know-it-all" "damn college students" as Jimmy would say. So I sat there for the rest of the class and secured my beliefs around the subject and left content and unflustered. I would just bet that the argument had by several of those students this morning, and the philosophy that they were taught, would have meant absolutely jack crap if they were in the situation of the wreck victims tonight.
And to lull myself to sleep tonight, I shall get quite, maybe do some reading, and prepare my mind for tomorrow. I've been having a really good dream series this week, so I'm sorta excited to get back to sleep and see if I have another good one. Peace and love.
My room is a mess, much like my obligations, but strangely enough, it's not effecting my mood at all. I'll probably do some cleaning tomorrow, maybe some organizing on top of that. Who knows... I might even get a little help from my buddy Frank Sinatra. See, I clean, dance, and lip sync while Frank sings. That's pretty much how it works, if you didn't already know.
I was over at the house tonight and had a good conversation with Burly as we were the only ones there for a while. I got to talk a little bit about my past, which I don't do too often. It's nice to have an actual person listen every once in a while. I mean, this journal is great and all, but it's not everything. And anyways, I feel like I've gotten to know Burly alot better in just this past year. We never really used to have much deep discussion, but now it's more of a frequent thing. On my way back though, I saw the remnants of a horrible accident that the police were trying to clean up. There was a collision between a car and an SUV both involving student aged people. There was debris everywhere and the SUV was up-side-down in the middle of the road. It's funny how fast people my age can look like decently self-managed adults one minute, and scared shaking little children in the face of trauma the next. I immagine life was casual for them a few minutes before, but when I saw them they were sitting on the curb huddled over with wide tearful eyes watching the police secure the area. I wanted to stop and help in fear that they might have been Belmont students, but I didn't have my phone with me, so even if I did, I would have just gotten in the way, not to mention that the police probably wouldn't have let a complete stranger approach the scene.
That's always sobering. You can think you know everything. All of your theology and philosophy is worked out the right way and then calamity strikes. You transform from a "civilized" and "cultured" human being into a wounded animal. I think of that because in philosophy class this morning there was a heated argument among the class. I say argument and not debate because you don't bring attitude to debate, you bring evidence. This argument went on and even though I felt strongly for one side, I didn't say very much. As soon as I spoke I could tell that the atmosphere wasn't one of acceptance, so I just sat there and smiled to my self thinking how silly all of it seemed. People were arguing and making enemies over a class discussion that has essentially been debated for the better part of the century. If there was one "right" that everyone could have agreed on, it would be more likely that someone of age and wisdom would have figured it out and presented it already, not us unexperienced "know-it-all" "damn college students" as Jimmy would say. So I sat there for the rest of the class and secured my beliefs around the subject and left content and unflustered. I would just bet that the argument had by several of those students this morning, and the philosophy that they were taught, would have meant absolutely jack crap if they were in the situation of the wreck victims tonight.
And to lull myself to sleep tonight, I shall get quite, maybe do some reading, and prepare my mind for tomorrow. I've been having a really good dream series this week, so I'm sorta excited to get back to sleep and see if I have another good one. Peace and love.
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