Working it Out

I have been doing just what the title of this journal says. I've been working it out. There has been quite a bit of difficulty in getting back to school that I have yet to completely master, but I'm working on it and with high spirits.

I have found great peace in not worrying over anything. Worrying, as I have learned, is the key symptom of someone with a lack of faith in God. Think about it. If I were to live by the statement I claim, which is that the one almighty God who loves me enough to allow his most beloved die for me holds the best purpose for my life and has control over all things, then that doesn't leave much room for worry. It's all taken care of. The worry comes from when I try to take control back from God. So this is a concept that I have been practicing as of late. I need to be determined, I need to understand the consequences of my actions, I need to learn from my mistakes, but I do not need to worry. It's amazing how easy life can get when you don't worry about anything. Think about how much stress and fatigue comes from worrying.

Speaking of stress and fatigue, I am less stressed because I am fatigued. I've been working out alot lately with a good group of guys. Every day for atleast an hour we've been hitting the gym in attempts to get "swole". I don't remember how long I was in the gym Sunday. Yesterday I was in for 2 and a quarter hour, and today I was in for an hour and three quarters. It goes without saying that I'm quite soar, but I'm also happy. It keeps me thinking positively rather than my usual state of meloncholly introspective self-destruction.

Never-the-less, I am still confused about where God will be taking me. I can't really even talk about it for several reasons. I don't want to trouble anyone with it and I also don't want it to be a rumor that spreads around giving people possibly false expectations. This confusion doesn't have me worried though. The time will come when I will know and that time just hasn't come yet.

The same things goes for my relationships. I'm not worried anymore. I've looked at myself in the mirror and have come to realize two things. I can try with all my worth to make things work, but it ends out much like a swim in quick sand. The harder I attempt, the faster I sink. I am thankful to God that he has continuously foiled my plans of love that I have worked so hard to establish though. Why? Because I would much rather marry the one He picks for me than the one I pick for me. I could potentially marry the wrong woman if God wasn't so watchful over my decisions. I do not know who my wife is, if I know her already, or if I don't, but I feel that I will know soon, which is exciting. I am, however, full of resolve even in the light of this understanding. I'm not going to make any extra effort anymore. It will come like the sunrises and sets, without my help. I'm not saying that I'm going to become uninterested in girls anymore... perish the thought! I despise that hiding away tactic that people perform because they are afraid to have to deal with love period. If love comes my way, I will be discerning, but I won't shun off women and hide like I did last year. I'm also not going to talk about it anymore, or atleast try. That is something difficult for me to do knowing my past history, but only those closest to me will be told completely, and only if they ask.

Classes start tomorrow so I have to start mapping my way to each class and figuring out what books I actually need, and what books I can live without. I also need to formulate a time with the fellas as to when I can get a weight training partner on a day to day basis. It was encouraging to hear people complimenting us on our shape only after three days of suicide workout, but I expect to far surpass what I reached in high school. I need to get some protein though, that is... when I get the money to afford such things. I'm going to be using every last penny to pay off my phone bill this month and to buy books, so i can't foresee getting protein anytime soon. That's fine though. It is good to train to a certain level of fitness before you start taking suppliments. Speaking of sppliments... which sounds an awful lot like supplies... I need to go to the grocery store and buy a few necessities. I've also been on a new diet, actually making myself eat and drink healthily in hopes to put on some weight. In the creative department... well, I just finished rearranging my room a little bit. I ended up finding a mouse skellaton under my fridge, but thankfully there was no odor. I also installed a new graphics card into my computer that was given to me by Trevor Manning. Thanks Trevor, it runs great. Anyways, for those of you who have endured my journal this far, thank you for your time. It is you who care about me in that you actually want to know what I'm up to. Peace and love to you.