Weight of the World

I've never written so many journals in such a short period of time, but I feel like I really need to write. I just got off of work early today because I will be spending the rest of it in class. This only happens on Tuesday, so it's not so bad. But I was wiring an electronics gear rack today. It's a big box where different electronic equipment sits. I don't know how else to describe it. In the tech field, everyone just calls it a rack. I enjoyed working on it. I like that the company requires it to look good back there, not to have just a bunch of wires hanging out everywhere. Anyways, the tedious labor that I had to put into placing each wire in just the right spot gave me something to learn and something to focus on. I still couldn't help but think of all of the change taking place around me. I want to be more involved in the deeper parts of my friends' lives. But the thing is, I have to be allowed. I can't just demand it.

Anyways I was also thinking about how I let the weight of the world come down on my shoulders. Again, it's another of my characteristics that tends to be a result of my control oriented nature. I will never win an argument with anyone because I hold myself responsible for everything and because of that, I tend to be easily led into guilt. I should have more confidence in myself. I'm not dumb. I know my friends might joke about it, but I don't think they really think I'm dumb either. I'm not a very good listener, that's for sure. I can talk up a storm, but I could use a little development in the listening and memory department. But I'm feeling a lot of stress right now, and I don't really think the majority of it is legitimate. On the other hand, bad things have been happening to me lately that really haven't bothered me at all. My stolen iPod, my dwindling bank account, my living situation, and the parking ticket I got today just for being a Belmont student (I'll explain later). None of that stuff bothered me. Anyways, the parking ticket I got was in a lot at Vanderbilt in a building I am currently working in with TI. The ticket, which was a warning and not a full ticket, said that I didn't have a permit. Now I do have a huge Belmont parking permit on the back of my car, and that plus the fact that none of the other workers in the lot who don't have a permit didn't get a ticket (I drove around and looked) seems to indicate to me that the V-po that gave me the ticket just doesn't like Belmont students. Whatever. I happen to be good friends with one of the commanding officers at Vandi, so I don't think it'll be a problem.

Anyways, off to lunch then to class.