Live Like It

I was in and out of a discouraging funk today. I want adventure, but it doesn't seem like anyone else around me is interested. I think I'm going to have to go back to the old days when I just did stuff by myself. I'm not saying always, but sometimes I just need to get out and do something crazy.

Right now I feel like my life can be summed up pretty much in two categories. Either it's working, or it's watching TV. I don't get out much.

Tonight was a little bit different though. Vike and I went to see Weeman's band Disco Arts Collective play in East Nashville. There weren't many people there, but it was still fun and different. It was in a really old house, which I thought was awesome. But the music was great. The first band that played was just two guys on electric guitars... Well... one kept switching between electric and drums, but you get the picture. They played songs that put me into a trance. I got to thinking about all of the different people I have been throughout life. I thought a lot about who I was now. I try not to be dissatisfied with things like "self". It's mostly mentality, how you value yourself. But there are things about me that I'm really embarrassed about. Not being able to spell very well is one, not being able to remember people's name is another. There are also traits about me that I think I falsely advertise. I think it to be funny when I talk to someone who lets off that they're surprised that I'm a nice guy. I think a lot of people think I'm arrogant and no good. But this is new. I don't recall anyone getting that idea from me in high school. Most people thought I was nice and pleasant to be around. I think it's because I have started to socially retract. I have allowed myself to stand on the outskirts of a room instead of in the middle. I have allowed myself to stay away from meeting new people, when I used to be pretty good at it.

I'm tired of not meeting new people. I know a lot of my friends would feel uncomfortable at that, but I don't think I'm going to let that stop me. I'm going to make more of an effort. I keep saying that it's a new chapter in life, but it's high time I started living like it. I have great potential to be a friend to many, not just a few. I know that about myself. I want to attain that again. I'm tired of just being comfortable all of the time! I'm tired of watching TV with people. I'm 23 damn years old! I have a lot more ahead of me than that! I just feel like I'm wasting so much time!

So I'm going to make steps to make changes and see if anyone else follows or not. Here's hoping.

Peace and love.