Bars, Stripes, Curves, and Circles

This is just so strange. I can't be too detail specific right now, but I never expected something like this to arise. What wisdom do I have to make these kinds of decisions, what strength? I only pray that I can be quiet and observant enough to receive the answers to my questions.

For any one who was wondering, life has this fantastic consistency to be inconsistent and unpredictable despite all preperations and suppositions. And what's more, matters which apply to relationships also apply to several other venues of life as well. And me? I try as hard as I can, but I just seem to screw up again and again in relationships, so here's hoping. I'm really glad I have tomorrow off. I need to think.

But what about the Fourth of July? I don't know what was in to me today, but I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't want to watch the fireworks. It just didn't mean anything to me. I know that sounds unpatriotic, but perhaps I am. What it means to be an American to me seems so hopeless. I see how much we hurt others, what unshakable institutions we have in place, the electoral college, ivy league, iron handed corporation, the church losing it's purpose and meaning in a post modernistic society where no one truth exists. What hope is there, really? I have to search within mankind, within myself, to understand what is so redeemable about mankind that God consistently stays with us. It does not make sense to me. It just does not make sense to me anymore.

"The greater the circle of understanding, the greater the circumference of darkness."

I believe it was Albert Einstein who managed to break down everything I feel into that one quote. The more I learn and experience, the more unfeasible the idea of redemption becomes. If over 6.5 billion people on this earth revere themselves as god, as the determinent of their own truth as well as the ardent followers of their teachings, where does that leave us as a whole? A man's words and actions are only a skin thick surface to the lifetime of depth of his heart, and much of the time, those words and actions aren't even congruent with his true inner dwellings. To me, it would be a great God who could manage to find one redeeming quality in the whole lot of us, both Christian and non. To me, it will be quite interesting to behold how God might make a heaven out of so much opposing diversity. I have brothers and sisters who all pray to the same God who see almost no commonality in value. And that only states my concern with those who claim to be born again. What about all of the bitter, all of the unknowing, all of the preconceiving, all of the apathetic? What works must be done to settle this existence by a manner of glory desrving of the God who rules over it?