Ye Olde Pembroke

I'm over at the Pembroke house right now havin a little fun away from the dorm. The week over all has been pretty good thus far. I've still got two days left before the weekend, but I'm not incredibly worried. The work isn't too difficult yet and the sun is finally shining.

Gas prices were crazy today, but that was to be expected. What wasn't expected was the lines of cars in the lots trying to topp of their tanks and seeing all the gas stations that had sold completely out of gas due to the hurricane. I spent the better part of an hour trying to fill up my empty tank and eventually did when I resorted to leaving the large community of Nashville and head for a small suburb.

There have been a few challenges facing me this week. Mostly there lies the challenge of facing my past. I don't know why I'm so awkward about this person, but I honestly don't feel like looking into it. It's not a problem that I have to live with because it will be gone this weekend. I'm also a little bit anxious about the turn of events tomorrow. I don't want to be because I just want to have fun, but then there's that part of me that wants to blow everything WAY out of proportion. That's the part of me that I have to do away with. I'll never get anywhere in life if I keep on writing the future down as fact. But the story behind that is I met a really neat person last week that I'd really like to get to know. She's actually relaxed and someone who I could see myself casually hanging out with. The only thing I'm really worreid about is me not being able to BE casual about it. So here's hoping.

Everything else remains hopeful in my life as of now. And even the things that might seem to be heavy on my mind aren't really that weighted. I'm just weird in how I express myself I guess. But to you I pray a wonderful day. Peace and love.

Breaking News!!!

You can now post a comment and NOT even be a member of the blogger society... just in case there are actually people out there that read this thing...

Wasting ALOT of Time...

It is late, but I don't mind. I one two o'clock class tomorrow, so I got no reason to go to bed early. I've been wasting some time though running some quizes that I got from one of my friends bloggs. Pretty funny stuff if you ask me...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

So that was that. Honestly, it's not too far from dead on, probably based off of chance cuz I really don't think these things are too incredibly accurate normally. But yeah, that seems like me...
But anyways, then I worked a little bit on my workout project. Here are the results from me on my freshman year of school and this year... The on the left is freshman year 2003. The one on the right is now 2005. Same chilli pants... same goofy grin.



So yeah... I'm pretty much bored right now... but look out... cuz when I get bored... I start scheeming...

Peace and love.

Monday... (sigh)

Sad news today. Maximus, the fish, was dead this morning. Some sorta disease ate away the left side of his body (gross). But he was brave to the very last. Right now I think I'm going to invest in some food. I've got this 3 hour class tonight that I'm not really looking forward to, but when did I ever look forward to class?

As for the rest of the day... hmmm... I think I'm going to have to distract myself from thinking about the possible future. I really just need to learn to let go of what I have no control over and just enjoy the ride.

The hurricane is almost here though. It's not going to be as strong as I had hoped, but it'll still be more storm than Nashville is used to. We are going to have to discuss tornado drills, but I honestly don't think that tornados will be a problem. It would however, be quite stellar if there was no school tomorrow. Maybe some power outages would be neat as well. But anyways, I think I'm gunna go waundering outside for a while until I find food. Peace and love.

Weekends: They Come and Go

Okay, first things first. I'm way super excited about this Thursday and I'm going to leave it at that. Second of all, I have a pretty amazing work load this semester, so I'm pretty pumped about that. Third of all, I'm workin out harder than ever before and I feel great. Mitch is too and he's really slimmed down alot over the summer. We should do wonders as a team.

Discouragements rest on my job as an RA. This is prooving to be a bit more challenging than I had anticipated, largely because of the demographic that lives in Pembroke this year. There are a few guys who have grabbed on pretty quick to the traditional character. But then there are the guys who are in "camp mode". They can't do anything but ask every girl out that they meet and go crash every party in town because it hasn't quite clicked yet that these are the people that they will be in close contact with for the next four years. It's a problem that needs mending, but right now I'm tempted to see if it's just their lack of understanding as to what college really is. I think a mid-term would crack a few skulls, but also the fact that they've only been here just a little bit over a week. College is still a novelty to them and it shows big time. The freshman character usually consists of a bunch of folks who want to look like they're in college so they try... and end up trying too hard. I went through that phaze just like I expect most of them to, but I'm really hoping it's just that... a phaze. That way things might turn for the brighter side and not seem so dismal.

My other discouragement lies in my confidence (weird, I know). Nothing seems to bother me. No confrontation, no challenge seems too out of reach. That can be good for alot of things, but it can also get someone into alot of trouble. My will power is far stronger now than it was even at the end of last semester. I'm afraid of where such a strong will could lead. Mostly I just want to relax my mind like I did over the summer. I wasn't worried about anything. I just let stuff happen and I dealt with it then. Right now I seem to be dangerously thirsty for challenge. I guess that means I'll have to figure out a way to convert that thrist into something completely positive.

Anyways, I'm pretty pumped about this hurricane that's comin our way. I love hurricanes. It's just amazing to watch their consistent and incredible power. Stuff like that really brings me into a unique way of thinking about God.

I'm hopeful for the sunshine though. I'm really looking forward to some blue fall skies. It's medium seasons that I can really get into. I never feel more alive than I do in the spring and in the fall... but if I had to name a favorite, I would probably say spring. Spring brings about thunderstorms which inspire me every time. I can just stare at the sky for hours on end if there is a good light show and enough wind involved.

But right now I think I might just take some time to be silent and reflect. Alot has happened this weekend and I have made quite a few decisions that need contemplation. I am continuing my mission of discipline this year in hopes to get my heart, mind, and soul in the right place. It's not easy as anyone knows, but I feel obligated. It's like a given quest for me. But anyways, I hope that all is well where you reside. Talk to you soon. Peace and love.

Me and My Big Mouth

Last night was pretty great. I went over to the Pembroke house and met up with most of my friends from last year. We had our share of laughs and good times... a few photo opportunities as well, and I got to meet some new people on top of that. But somewhere along the way, the topic of relationships came up, and you know I've always got something to say about that. So... I did, and I think I said too much. I don't like to talk about that kind of stuff in large groups, but it sorta just came out. I don't know. Maybe it was good that I said what I said, or maybe it was bad. It's really too early to tell. I felt good at the time about talking about it, but then I thought to myself "Man, that was WAY too much information for this audience." Oh well. I'm just learning to stretch and grow I guess. If it was a bad idea, I'll learn about it soon enough.

I did have a crazy dream last night though. Instead of having RA duty shifts, I dreampt that RA's had gladiator death match shifts where we had to fight in an arena for Belmont's amusement. That's why we had alternates, just in case we died. I was nervous in the dream because I knew that today I would have to fight the match of all matches. I was in grave danger of being defeated. So I spent the rest of the dream thinking up strategy of how to defeat my foe. Then I woke up because I thought I was going to be late for my gladiator death match shift and get fired. But then I realized just how foolish I was... ... ....

As for the rest of the day, I don't know what I'll do. I have a desk shift in which there shall be no killing, but after that, I'm not sure. Let me know if you think of anything. Peace and love.

I Don't Want to Buy Books

Why do college books cost more than any other kind of book? Why not? But that isn't an answer that satisfies me. That is why I am taking the stand along with thousands of other college students to not buy books that I don't want. I guess that means I won't be buying the majority of my books...

The classes today were not too bad. I've got to get used to focusing again which might be difficult, but I always seem to get there somehow. Dinner was nice too. I went to the house with the guys and I cooked wings and then we watched a movie and talked n stuff. That's about the extent of my night though. My head hurts right now so I think I'm going to take some medicine and get some sleep. Peace and love.

How You Holdin Up

How am I holding up? Pretty good I must say. Classes start tomorrow and I think I'm ready, but I suppose it will take a little bit of time before I get used to my schedule. I feel alot less burdoned this year, that's for sure. I think it is going to be a good year just because things will be in more moderation than last. The only thing I'm worried about is all of the grand plans that I have and not being able to keep up with them all. I don't want to be a quitter if ya know what I mean.

But I went to a men's Bible study tonight and it was pretty good. They really pour out there hearts to eachother there which threw me off guard at first, but I joined in later on. That's really a new concept for me. I don't like sharing with people, but if I do, I find it easier to share with people who I don't know that well. Next week I'm going to see if more of the guys want to come.

Right now I'm trying to survive the initial soarness of beginner workouts. I enjoy the pain though. I've come to enjoy it because I know that when I feel it that means I'm gaining something. I'm actually discouraged if I don't hurt all over after I work out. My goal is to gain massive weight this semester. Most people would say "No problem." but for me it really is. I have only gained two pounds since I got here my freshman year. That's not much weight. I do have more definition, but that's never been much of a challenge for me.

So classes are tomorrow. The upperclassmen will show up on campus. I have rock-star parking. The freshmen will learn their place in the social hierarchy starting tomorrow... and I'm hungry for food. Good night, and peace and love.

Free Day

Today was the first day in almost two months that I didn't HAVE to do anything. That means that I slept in until 11:30 with no regrets. When I woke up I went out to eat with the guys at SATCO and then came back and didn't do much of anything then either. At around 3:00 I went to work out with the guys and let me tell you... I am soar right now! After that I came back and showered. Matt arrived shortly there after and Mitch and I piled in his car and went over to Jaymie's apartment for Cowboy's birthday party. It was good to see everyone there. I mean though I may have been in Nashville for two weeks, I still haven't seen everybody yet. But the idea caught me tonight that I want some fish in my room. So I ventured out to Walmart and got cheap fish stuff and five small fish. Right now I stand at already flushing three of them down the toilet. They died within five minutes of being introduced to their new habbitat. I don't expect the others to live through the night.

But things are getting back on pace for me as far as this environment goes. I will once more be emersed in class on Wednesday so tomorrow is the last day to get all of those last minute chores done. I suspect that I will still sleep in and all, but during my awake hours, I'll probably be busting hump.

Oh, and I got this picture today from Aaron. It was taken during RA training.

Fun times. That's Stan on the right and a new guy I think named Mike on the left. They arrested us for being CRAZY AWSOME!

But for the next few days I suppose I'll be focused on getting to know the guys on my floor. It's a little hard not having any upper classmen around, but alas, I think things will get worked out once the date auction rolls around. Anyways, that's all for me tonight. I'm gunna turn in. Peace and love.

Settling In

Praise God! I made it through move in day and I don't feel completely strung out. Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty tired right now or atleast tired enough to take a nap (which is rare in my case) but I'm still mentally on top of the game. It will be a while until the freshmen are comfortable though. The parents will have a difficult time leaving their little ones behind and once they do, the freshmen will look to us. Am I prepared to handle that. YES I AM! This year is going to be awsome! But I know it's hard for them to settle down. Shoot, I feel nervous that their parents are here. The reason being is that these guys don't care about their living conditions. They just want to make this place home and settle down. But their parents see things differently. They want to be sure that this building is going to stay standing around their little angels. They want to make sure I'm going to babysit them 24/7. They want comfort and so it is my job today to give that to them. I can only immagine that it is difficult for them to let go. They just want to help afterall. I mean I look at myself when I'm worried about handing over authority. I want everything to be perfect. It's a natural trust issue really. We all want to make sure that our "babies" are taken care of. This is just at a much larger scale. But alas, I look at these guys and I know exactly what they are going to go through. This is the beginning of a crazy transition for them. They will undergo more change in the next few months than they have in several years. They will struggle with things that they thought they were founded in. Some will thrive and some will fall. It is a sink or swim. Unfortunately it is no longer up to the parent. At this point in time they have a very limited influence on their child's life. That is natural. Their child has to learn how to make thier own decisions.

Well, that is my social observation of the day. That and the several attractive young ladies that have moved next door. Peace and love.

And Training Again Draws to an End

Well, in attempts to not screw up this year I think I've made pretty good decisions so far. Maybe I haven't been met with the same temptations as last, but thank God either way. I feel alot older not simply in just the way I look, but also in the sense of obligation I have and a self understanding that I feel has better equiped me to handle my life at the moment.

I do still feel my weaknesses, but I find that I have more control over them. The greatest of these I have come to an understanding of since Africa. I have shut myself off from people even more since Phill passed away. I don't even know my own emotions anymore. Mitch asked me yesterday what was bothering me because I looked "down" to him. I had to actually stop and figure it out. I didn't even know what was bothering me. I really want to work on that because I'm sick of people seeing me as "strong" when it's more of a fake strength. I mean sure I have strengths and stuff, but I could spend more time developing them I suppose. It's just that I shut myself off in such suttle ways that I don't even realize when I'm doing it. I suspect there is a greater lesson in this than I am picking up right now...

But tomorrow the new faces move in. My boys will be here tomorrow night and I will be met with the task of getting to know each one of them. Not only that but we both will have to adapt to eachother. Come to think of it... who should adapt more... me or them? Hmmm... But I'm mixed about it. Last year I had guys moving back in that I already knew, so I was looking forward to it. This year, the only guys that are moving back in that I know are already here. All the faces that come abord tomorrow will be new. That will require a great deal of social energy that I pray God provide me. I've been so drained of it this week in little "ice breaker" "team building" activities. See, I'm the kind of guy who looks at all of those activities from a different angle. I don't like being "peppy". That's just not my thing. Now I'm generally not a depressed guy, and sure, if I'm around negativity, I get sucked down sometimes, but for the most part I just like to be relaxed and take things as they hit me. Some people like that stuff though. That's fine. But I don't like it when I'm shoved into the same oven as them. I don't like to be forced to be a cheerleader. I'm not a cheerleader, I'm a realist.

When I was a kid, there was pleanty of time to see things as light and unconsequential. The world wasn't complex, so why then should my thoughts be? I could't feel the pain of the people around me. I only knew of myself. But now I understand that I have surroundings that are quite frequently filled with different types of people who have a story just like me. I feel like if I were grinning ear to ear all the time that it would be insensative. It shows in my rolemodels. They know when to be excited, when to be sorrowful, when to be funny, and when to be serious. They don't get stressed out over trivial things, and they take life as it flows, but they do it well. There is a depth to them that can't be figured out just by placing them in social environments and observing. They have to be truly known to be known. That is the kind of character that I desire for myself.

So tonight I need to refill my social energy bar before tomorrow. But other than that I AM TIRED! I need to get my laundry and go to BED!!! Peace and love.

Ha Ha hee hee

My room is finally done! I suppose there are a few more things that I could set up here and there, but they are more for show than for usefulness. The only thing I can really think of are untangling my lights and putting those up. But again, that's not completely necessary right now.

My general mood is good. Much better, I suppose, than that of last year. I feel more confident in that I know what to expect out of training and I'm looking forward to meeting my new residents. Everything seems to be running so smoothly. Now there are a few kinks in a few hoses, but none of the hoses belong to me. There is a new RD around campus who came in just like my old high school principal. She thinks that she can come in with an iron fist, change policy among seasoned and experienced RAs and expect them to follow along whole heartedly. What she doesn't know is that some of those RA's are already speaking of rebellion. That's what happens when you are consumed by your power as a leader. I was the same way when power was new to me, but being an assistant manager at a pool and being an RA has really helped me out of it. Good leaders stick up for their employees. They make them feel like they are valued more than policy while still keeping policy precedent. They show respect and trust that the employee can and will do things without being commanded. They only interfere if something goes wrong or if there is new information that needs to be communicated. Me's thinks that this RD is trying to impress the big dogs with their performance, but when you play the butt kissing game, you have to have skill. You have to mask the fact that you're kissing butt because nobody likes a butt kisser. This RD doesn't do a very good job of masking. I'm hoping that maybe they catch on before the year starts. I like their employees and they have always supported Pembroke, but if things don't change soon... I'm gunna have to support their needs. But maybe I won't even have to. Maybe the big dogs already know. It sure sounds like they do. Here's hoping for a good year.

Was I so confident last year? I guess I was before I met her... After that my confidence plummited down the side of a mountain. Bad relationships make me doubt myself, but when I'm not in a relationship I have so much more to give. I can achieve so much more. That is why I like being in this situation. I don't have to worry about someone else liking me or not. I can instead utalize that part of my brain to do something more productive. I'm not down on the situation though. I know that one day I will meet this spectacular girl who won't draw me down into a slump, but rather pick me up and enhance me. We will compliment eachother. I guess that's my problem though. I've never experienced that, so I look at relationships as a waste of time. I saw a picture of her today though and it caught me off guard a little bit. A distant part of me is still a bit hung up on her for some reason, but when that part of me decides to venture outside of its very small living space, I generally slap it around a bit and send it back to its metaphorical cage.
Oh, but the girl over the summer... as that stood, I realized at the beginning of the summer that I had never fell out of love with her but burried it so deep that I didn't expect it to resurface. Well that all changed when I actually hung out with her, but now... hehe... now that is all changed. Never before have I seen her so clearly as I do now. I talked with one of her friends about the way she was treating me, and she told me that she wished I had told her sooner because she would have told me to stay away. It's funny... even she complained about abuse in their friendship. I don't get that. Is she just so used to having people chase her around that she is actually snobby enough to consider her friendship to them as a privilage? Thoughts like these tend to burn out love pretty fast. Now... I don't even care what her problem is. I doubt I will even see her again. And thus ends a very large chapter of my life... time I wish I could get back, but being that I can't I might as well disect them and learn something.

But you know what I long for? I long to be free from thinking about that period. I don't want to be a slave to my past relationships or even ideas of my future ones. I want my next relationship to be meaningful and to interrupt me instead of me seeking it. I suppose that would be like a deer walking up to a hunter with a gun... but so be it. I'm sure it has happened before. That reminds me. When I was a kid of about six a doe walked up to me and started liking my head... Now ladies, if you start liking my head all of the sudden... I'd have to say that would be pretty weird. Think of another more suttle means please. But yeah, that's what I long for.

So how tired am I? On a scale of 1 - 10 I'd have to go with a 9.5. And that is going to be pretty consistant for the rest of the week. Training requires early mornings and I require late nights. Not a good combination if you ask me. But it was a pleasure informing all of you on my thoughts. I promise they will become more coherant as the school year picks up. But until then, enjoy nonsense and rediculouse antics. Peace and love.

A Little Hectic, But I'm in the Mood

My room is almost set up just the way I like it. It's been hard work to put together, but I feel so close to that warm light at the end of the tunnel. Training started today and not five minutes into it, we Pembroke boys were already receiving a tongue lashing... which means that we have been upholding our status as the people's champion. I didn't feel too thrilled to participate in the childish games they had set up for us, but I suppose a good majority of my life in the professional world will be spent with a fake charisma about me. I might as well learn to accept it. But I shouldn't be completely negative. It was good to see alot of the old faces, and it was good to help train the new ones. I suppose if I enjoyed anything it would have been the way they set up the RCR training this year. They had examples instead of a confusing lecture.

In other news, my parents came today and brought me the rest of my furniture. My dad is growing a beard which is pretty weird, but it looks good on him. It was the first time I've seen them since before they left for Peru almost a month ago. We haven't had much time to sit down and talk because I've been doing so much running around, but I did get to glance at some of their pictures and it was pretty neat to see how different Peru was to any of the exotic countries I have been to.

Chubbs also moved in today to Ye Olde Pembroke. It was good to see the old man. He's lost alot of weight and seems to be doing really well these days. All of us guys went to Walmart tonight to get some last minute things, and then we met at Wendey's with even more of the folks and ended having a regular reunion.

Now, however, I am pretty tired. I'm going to bed. Got church and work tomorrow. Peace and love.

Here in Beloved Pembroke Once Again

For the past week I've been at school working my butt off with the other guys, trying to get the dorm ready before training. I must say tonight, after cuts, bruises, strains, and buckets of sweat, that we have reached success. Right now I'm sitting in my room trying to sort through all of my stuff. I have alot of little things that drive me crazy to look through. I feel like I need a big trash can or something... I dunno

Training starts tomorrow though. I'm not really looking forward to it. Why would I need to be trained for something that I did for the past year 24/7? Whatev. I'm going to have a positive attitude about the whole thing. Anyways, my parents are coming up tomorrow to bring the rest of my stuff. That'll be good.

I've gotta sleep now though. Peace and love.

Reflective, But Time To Say Goodbye

Tomorrow is it. The last day I will be in High Point for a good long time. I guess there are always things about this place that I will miss, but most of those things are no more. They are memories of the way things used to be. That's back when my life seemed complicated, but it really wasn't. It's funny how relative complications can be, but I'm sort of glad God designed it that way. So what exactly will I miss?

-I'll miss all those nights with my closest friends before they all moved away. Most nights we never really had any good ideas, but then there were those nights where we would come up with creative ways to trash our other friends' yards.

-I'll miss the youth group that I used to be a part of. I'm talking about pre-worship leading youth group. I always took that for granted.

-I'll miss the feeling of driving home down that long stretch of road between my house and hers after our first kiss... A short lived experience mostly full of pain, but I'll miss it.

-I'll miss sitting on the dock with the guys, smokin a cigar and eating wendy's even though we shouldn't have been out there anyways. I'll also miss sitting around the fire pit with those same guys after watching a really good movie.

-I'll miss my family and my dog.

-I'll miss the way everybody at my church knows me.

-I'll miss being so close to both the mountains and the beach.

Right now I couldn't find a better song to listen to than Jimmy Eat World's "My Sundown". This is my sundown in this, my previous world.

"I've said my goodbyes, this is my sundown. I'm gunna be so much more than this. With one hand high you'll show them your progress. You'll take your time, but no one cares."

Every time I come back here I feel more and more distant. But that's just part of growing up. Less people recognize me. There are less and less familiar faces. I am leaving this place and going to the next. Fewer people understand who I have become. I'm growing and shrinking all at once.

I suspect tomorrow I will be pretty reflective, but pretty busy at the same time. I want to go and visit Phill's grave before I leave, but I don't know if I have the strength. I'll just do my packing and make the judgement call after that.

But the whole court process went well today. It took a greater part of the day to get to the bottom of, but it was about jury duty after all, and that check stubb I had turned out to be just what I needed to get out of the case that the state was going to hold against me for "not showing" to jury duty. I was releived. Thank you for your prayers.

I suppose I leave Sunday early morning with a car full of stuff and a hand full of confidence. I will show Belmont University that I, Nathan, have not yet begun to display my full capabilities. They have underestimated me and judged me poorly. They will know that they made a mistake. And why should I exert myself to my fullest potential over that? No good reason really. It will be forgotten one day. It's just that when people doubt me it only fuels me to work that much harder. We Pembrokians will make an impact this year 2005-2006. Peace and love.

Court Order???

Today was pretty average for the most part. I went to work, had lunch, went back to work... but the weird part was getting home. There was a yellow slip on my door. I expected it to be some sort of package as there were several delivered to my house this week. It was not, however, a package slip. Instead it was slip notifying me that a sherrif came around to deliver some sort of order to me while I was at work. They didn't say what for... they just left the slip. So now I'm left all day to freak out about what I could have possibly done wrong to have a run-in with the law. The wosrt crime I ever committed was when I was five years old. I stole a walnut from the grocery store and my mom even made me take it back and give it to the manager. Other than that, I can't think of anything. I did wind up at the wrong courhouse for jury duty this summer, but they said that would be cleared up and that I would be fine. I even got a paycheck for being there. The check stub is what I shall use for evidence against the order it that be what the order is for. Anyways, it will be hard for me to sleep tonight. I've always been secretly paranoid about what if I did something wrong that I just didn't remember, sorta like a brain lapse, and I got in huge trouble for it. That thought crosses my mind whenever I have to walk through those detectors that pretty much all stores have at their enterances. I try real hard and sometimes even feel around to make sure that I wasn't a casual idiot and stuck something in my pocket that I was looking at just out of habbit. Thus far it's never happened, but I'm still nervous about tomorrow. I find out around eight o'clock. I'm mainly just hoping that it doesn't effect my going back to school or my wallet. If I have to pay money out of my own pocket for one of their screw ups, then I'll be a little bit put off. I'm already having to take my last day off of work to get to the bottom of this. But needless to say, sleep is going to be hard to come by tonight. I'll be tossing and turning all night until I know what it is. It's like a horrible christmas presant.

Other than that, I'm really soar. My back and legs and chest hurt from lifting so many boxes. I'm kinda glad that I'm done working there. It was a good job and all, but I need to get going.

But who knows... maybe, somehow, this whole thing is going to turn out to be some sort of good news. Maybe it's a good order... .... .... or maybe it's just an order like every other order distributed. I need some prayer y'all. I need some prayer and some peace and love.

Part Two

Okay, later tonight... I just finished cleaning and packing a little bit... I mowed the lawn n stuff, and now I'm relaxin... eatin baby carrots, and thinkin about life. I see all sorts of things falling through the cracks right now, but I'm trying not to be pulled back down. I like the view from here. I feel confident and on top of things.

WOW!!! Chubbs just got a full-time job in Nashville! I'm so pumped dude. That means he'll be livin in the house!

Peace and love.

Four More Days

I'm over at the Canters' house right now. It's good to be with lots of people for a change, but I'm not being very responsible right now. I should be at home doing work and preparing to return to school... but I'll get to it, I promise. For now I'm in a relaxed mood, while still being incredibly anxious to get back to school. I can't wait to see all my peeps! I'm still not sure when I'll leave... like what time... but I'll cross that bridge ten minutes before I cross it probably. I love being a random person. Back to the party. Peace and love.

Helplessly Watchful and Dreams of Heroism

It's hard to see a friend in pain. It's hard to watch them and feel completely helpless. I got to spend some quality time with one of my friends tonight that I haven't seen in quite some time. We had fun and talked alot, but then it came down to serious discussion. He's really going through difficult times right now. He's having to make decisions that I would have never thought he would have to be making. I just want to jump in to his cockpit and do it for him, but I can't. I can only encourage in a limited understanding of what he's going through. But more than that, I can pray for him. I want him to be alright. I don't want him to have to suffer any more. It's a hard position to be in.

But the week is underway. I have alot of work to do between now and Friday that I'm really trying hard to get done. I think tomorrow I'll be mowing the lawn and doing a little more house work. I still have to get new tires for my car, and I need to pack above all else! That's alot of confusion on top of planning a festival, but God will get me through it. I feel confident of that. ... Oh! I just spilled a sugary drink on my desk and keyboard... hope that doesn't come back to haunt me.

Ah, but right now I'm listening to Chopin. I love Chopin's pieces. They could sing me to sleep on a roller coaster! But my eyes are almost as heavy as my heart right now. I need some good sleep and some good God time. I need to focus in the midst of all of the hum and buzz of life.

Lately I find myself caught in the desire to do something amazing. To be caught up in something brave and much higher than myself. I want to conquer and to achieve victory, but I also want to share that with someone. My dreams and visions are that of a warrior. I feel called to greatness, but how do I start of from here? I know that sounds random and rediculous, and maybe it is... but that's how I feel right now. Anyways, I hope all is well where you reside. I must venture to the land of slumber. Peace and love.