Sleeping Pills and Payin Bills

I woke up this morning a bit confused. I've been having a really difficult time sleeping for the past two months, and now I'm so tired I'm finally willing to do something about it. I took two tylonol pm last night before i went to bed hoping that it would knock me out for the entirity of the night. Didn't work. I woke up in the middle of the night simply feeling drowsy and in the midst of a really bad dream. It was set in surgery, only I was the patient. There was something wrong with my heart so the doctors put me under and started working. The only problem was, I wasn't sedated enough and as they cut me open and spread my ribcage apart with their clamps, I could feel it all, the cutting and the cracking of my bones, and the open-air beating of my heart. My eyes were stuck open the whole time, I was paralized so I couldn't move or scream. I just lay there afraid and in pain. I managed to fall back asleep, but morning came much to quickly. The pills hadn't worn completely off by the time I had to get up and pull myself into my cloths for work. I was late, of course, and everybody was running around, but I was just strolling initially, like I was in my own world. I got a bit faster as time moved on and people started losing patience with me. I didn't really care though. People have been snapping at me a lot lately and I'm stomaching it, just not letting it get to me. Usually it really does bother me when someone is displeased with me. I want to be a pleaser, but part of me is aware that I can't and that it shouldn't be my sole priority.

I ended up working harder today than I ever had before. I just zoned out and did my job without personal feeling and hesistation. I ended up making more than I've ever made there before too. That was nice. I ended up treating myself to a dinner out for a change. I've been living off of soup and scraps for a really long time now. Viking and I went to Las Palmas. We talked, but my meal didn't fill me up. I even went to town on the chips and nothing. After that we went over to his place and he and Joey and I watched The Wonder Years. I love and hate that show all at the same time. It's a beautiful show that was a huge part of my childhood, but I think I took far too much female advice from Kevin Arnold than I should have. I hold him directly responsible for all my failures;) But it was good. Now I'm just listening to music and waiting for these pills to kick in. Yeah, I'm trying again, but this time a little earlier. Maybe the pills will have a chance to ware off by morning. Maybe they will keep me asleep this time through. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day though. I'm scheduled to work an 11 hour shift. That'll be interesting. Can I make it? We'll see. Peace and love.