Future Contemplation

So it turns out that I survived the week. It was a rough one, but it's over. I'm glad it's over. This week I don't really have much of an idea as to what is going on. I'm glad. I really don't like knowing what I'm going to do all of the time. I'm sick right now though. It might be food poisoning or horrible horrible allergies, but my stomach is really complaining pretty loudly about something.

Friday night in class I got caught off guard. My professor asked me what my dream job would be. I sat there... and sat... and sat some more. I had a puzzled look on my face, that kind of face that you make when you mentally leave the room in order to retrieve something important. I couldn't think of anything. I was disappointed in myself and a little surprised. I lost my dreams. Everyone was looking at me like they were surprised too. I'm the kind of person who should have a dream. I have the ambition and the charisma to achieve anything I put my mind to. I should have a dream. I don't though. I've never been able to find one. It feels like I'm going to end up the guy who "settles" for what he can do well. I guess no one grows up wishing they could be a paper-pusher or a desk jockey. They might have had dreams or they might not have, either way they settled for what they knew they could do instead of reaching for something uncertain and more beautiful.

I'm a romantic at heart. That means that I have a passion for every part of my life to be larger than life. I'm a visionary who walks into a room and sees the things that could be made better and works hard to make it happen. But it's one step at a time. I've never looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Years from now I'd like to be _____."

I'm also a strategist. I think in terms of taking action while minimalizing risk. It's not a scientific train of though really, but more of a sensing, on-the-fly judgement. I think my lack of long term planning is a result of my feeling of confinement in doing so. Parallel to this is my lack of commitment to one thing. What if I find something better but I've already made a commitment to this other thing? Strategic thinkers are opportunists and find it hard to be tied to one train of thought.

In relationships I think that such a line of thinking is bunk. You might just be able to, and in all probability you will find someone "better" if you look/wait long enough, but what about time? I think it's best to find someone who you can grow with, realizing their faults but failing to see them. You see that person as the best because of this insane emotion called love that teaches you to unite with others through the honesty of yours and their weaknesses.

After giving this some thought, maybe I'm the kind of guy who doesn't really need a dream. Mitch told me that he and I would never have to worry about success after college because we're both men of action. It's a rarity these days. More and more college students, upon graduation, bounce from restaraunt to restaurant instead of using their education. I will do something and more than likely it will end up being big. I didn't come to college with the intent on becoming an RA, a member of the Community Conduct Board, or a president of a fraternity. I merely was given the opportunity.

Well, I'm ready to get to the week. I've done a little sorting and I'm feelin good. Peace and love.