Christmas Eve

Interesting... very interesting. I'm just gunna throw this out there, but I enjoyed myself today. Let me tell you how refreshing it was to sing for a large group of people who enjoy the deeper passions of music. I stayed up pretty late last night. I think I got in and switched the light off by 1:30am which made today a bit more difficult, but I enjoyed myself last night, so everything has turned out fine. I woke up this morning at about 6:30. I layed in bed with the light on for a while and just looked at the celing, wishing that I could just hit the snooze button, but my cell phone (which is what I use for an alarm when I'm away from my house) has no snooze button. I should consider using my cell phone more often because it really checks my laziness. In the shower I went over lyrics in my head over and over again. As I bent my head down and let the warm water flow over my face, I closed my eyes and thought about how I was going to deliver my song, and I was worried about whether or not I could hit the high note in the other song I was supposed to sing. I just couldn't focus on the true purpose or contain within my being the trust that everything would be pieced togethere as it should be. I drove to church that morning and sang along with the track of Oh Holy Night to make sure I warmed up my voice enough, and when I got there I went to work setting up my computer to play the tracks I had recorded over the main speakers and do a sort of live/recorded hybrid performance. When I got my computer loaded, it wouldn't play the song. It just wouldn't do it. I had the same problem when I was there Wednesday. For some reason it just wouldn't play right. So I decided to take it as a sign. I was just going to play accoustic and leave it at that.

When all of the singing was over, I was full of energy. It was so refreshing to hear people express their enjoyment of my performance, but that's just not enough for me to be satisfied. My satisfaction came by a woman who pulled me aside to tell me how deeply my song meant to her. She was holding back tears as she told me that her brother-in-law had commited suicide earlier that week. She said that he just couldn't accept the love of Christ. That's what my song was about and it really ministered to her so much that she asked me to play at his service. Unfortunately I'll be in St. Louis when the service transpires, so I decided to fire my computer back up and burn her a CD. I gave her the original lyric sheet to go with it and she gave me a big hug and left. Later at the night service, she came back and told me how much my song had ministered to her entire family.

That is what I needed to feel. I'm thankful that God has not taken my ability to minister through music from me. I needed to know that I still had it.

Other than that I got several comments on how strong my voice has become and a guy even offered me an opportunity to come down to his church in Charleston in May to see their opporation. He asked me if I was interested in the ministry when I graduated. I said yes.

Maybe things will piece together for me this year, maybe they won't. Maybe I will find a job that I am passionate about, and maybe I won't. Maybe I will discover my purpose, maybe I won't. Maybe I will find love, maybe I won't. Either way, tonight, I feel encouraged.

Peace and love.