Sunset on the Dock

I don't have much time to talk right now. I'm at a hotel in Morehead City and they have a 30 minute guest time limit. Why am I here? I've been working on a job with my dad down here for the past two days. We are installing a floor on a beach cottage just off of the sound. Behind the small one story house is a 500 foot dock with an amazing view. For the past two nights I have seen the most amazing sunsets from that dock. If you could close your eyes and immagine two shorelines streatching out in front of you like arms streatching to the sky but the hands don't quite connect. Between the hands is the ocean, and just above that, the setting sun. The whispy clouds are painted gold and red and orange and green as the sun lowers into the outstreatched hands. The water is painted a glassy color whith random birds scattered about. Those are the kinds of sunsets I've been seeing for the past few days. They're the kind that make you think about life, where you've been, and where you are going. They're the kind that push you into the presence of God as if to say, "This is the closest to heaven you will ever be while still out of the grave." So here are my thoughts.

I've been out of control a few times, which is generally healthy. I've been involved in situations that haven't exactly had "tv endings". That is also healthy. It's a casual reminder that life doesn't work the way we want it to all the time... not even some of the time... mostly it just works on its own. But what can I say about that sunset and the music I was listening to at the time? I have made close friends with Sufjan Stevens during the past few days. His music is truly inspiring and beautiful.

I haven't written much over break though... partly because I don't have the internet at home, but that doesn't mean that nothing has happened. I feel a little more like sharing about myself unlike the last journal. Someone asked me why I do it, and that got me to thinking... I suppose it's because I don't have much shame for who I am. I know I'm messed up, but in my world, acknowledging the existence of mistakes and ugly only makes beauty that much more beautiful. I don't feel like covering things up (unless it infringes upon someone else's personal space) is necessary.

But if one thing I have come to see over this break is that maybe I could do something wiht my music. Lots of people have enjoyed my latest stuff, and I'm seriously thinking about kicking it into overdrive and throwing it out there. I've never been the one to seek fame, but I do seek adventure.

So what can I say for the way I feel now? I feel pretty stressed out. You ever think "What if I missed out on a sweet friendship with someone over greed?" I'm thinkin that right now. It's all in the other person's court though, and I'll probably get what I deserve, which is nothing but a lesson well learned. Things don't work like they do on tv folks.

For the rest of the break I'm going to relax, get some small stuff done, maybe write some new music, give up control and get my motives straight before I start the next semester. I promise that one of these days my head will fit on straight, but until then... have a wonderful day. Peace and love.