Another Conjecture About Love

I don't talk about love very much, because I usually walk away with this sick feeling in my gut when I do. But something I've noticed here, in this messed up world of higher learning, is that love is one of the most misunderstood and mistreated human atributes that college students face. I was lying in bed just now, drifting off into sleep when I was interrupted and awoken by this blurr of a vision. That's not to say that it was a blurr as in "unclear" because it was very clear, but it was a great deal of information to swallow in a few milliseconds. I'm basically writing this journal to document what I just experienced, and that's it.

The love of a woman is the only thing in life, atleast that I have discovered so far, that you can search your entire life for and not find. Love is more likely slap you in the back of the head than it is to punch you in the face. Love is mutual. It is based on two people being equally selfless to eachother. There is no master between men and women. Your love is not an item that you should leave sitting out for people to come by and inspect like an item at a grocery store. Left like that, it will become used and rotten. Instead, your love is yours until someone comes along who is designed to win it. Until then, it should be locked up and guarded as something incredibly valuable to you. But then, i suppose there are many different types of love. There is the love of friends, the love of family, the love of a woman (assuming men are reading this, women can substatute the word and it will still work), and the love of God. Each of these different types of loves are unique, but similar in that they all come from God and God is love. Therefore, an obedience and love of God would bring light into the understanding of all other forms of love. Other than that, I don't really know much about love...

I've made enough mistakes to know what love isn't. I once convinced myself that I was in love, and that lie stayed hidden for a while. Turns out, I was in love with the idea of being in love. I put all of the traits of spirit and soul that appealed to me into the shell of a girl I dated. The love I had was synthetic and, despite my attempts, was never meant to be. I'm what you would call "thick headed" I suppose. I say that because it took me quite some time to place value on my love and not to just hand it out so easily. Turns out that girl was right when she said "You're not in love with me." It's also a shame that I allowed myself to be damaged for so long because of my ideas of how love sould work. If ever someone tells you some magic formula for love, they should be placed on the same pedistal of idiots who have a magical formula for the stock market. It is easy to buy into that because it makes love seem safe and risk-free, but love isn't safe. God isn't safe. C.S. Lewis said it best through Aslan when he said "I am not safe, but I am good." So we shouldn't walk in pretending like we know what we're doing, but then again we also shouldn't hide from it. Better yet, don't think about it at all. Just let it happen when it happens.

I guess this all has been coming to mind lately after watching my sister and her newlywed husband. She is alot different now than she was three years ago. But they have found love and were patient enough to wait for it. That seems like the best idea. So to those who think they have been stabbed, cheated, and stomped by love, take heart. You will heal. While and when you do, live your life and don't think about what should happen. When it happens, it happens, and you will know.

Peace and love.