Why Am I Still Up?

why am i still up tonight? everything seems to be right in the world for me at this very moment, so why am i still up tonight? it's because i can't help but look at the trends of my present and speculate on the future. who knows even if there will be a future? that's God's department. i just feel like i'm setting myself up for a big drop. i've had these emotional highs and lows lately, some of which have been very hard to control. and all of these times, whether high or low, i have been confused because i don't know how to handle my emotions very well. i have also been under many great temptations that wish for me to let my moral fabrics slip ever so slightly. it's all good fun isn't it? we'd like to believe that wouldn't we. but we all know that when our morals are sacrificed once for smaller things, they will be sacrificed again later for something bigger. but that doesn't completely answer my question. why am i still up tonight?

i was talking to a local friend just this morning and he confided in me his relationship problems. he told me he was head over heels for this girl, and he was pretty sure she liked him too, but there was one problem. sometimes they would be together and the would have a great time and he would walk away feeling like a million bucks, but then outside of that, at any other given moment, he pays her attention but she pays him very little. this guy, just to fill you in without getting him too mad by revealing his identity (you know the rules of my journal), has alot to give, but i think the girls underestimate him. he's brave, he's wise, he's smart, he's skilled at many useful arts, he's successful, he's a christian, and he ain't all that bad lookin either. he just needs a girl that will cherish him. he needs someone who wants to be with him just as badly as he wants to be with her. the girls he's been with in the past have trampled him, either subconsciously or consciously, taking advangtage of him and giving back nothing in return. i don't really know this girl very well, but i could almost guess that she is suffering from past relationship failures. i would guess that she is afraid to get too involved with this guy because she wouldn't know what to do if she fell for him. that would be an insecurity too great to face. it cuts both ways though. it's not just women. i know men who do the exact same thing and who have the exact same insecurities. i was bitter towards women for a few years due to my past, but that doesn't justify anything. no one said life's decisions would be easy, and often we miss out because we're too afraid to do anything about it.

but mostly i was thinking about the girl cherishing the guy. i can't see a better example than my sister. she calls her boyfriend, takes time out of her day to listen to him when he's feeling down, and she comforts him. she gets him things that he needs but is too frazzled to get for himself. she sacrifices for him, and he does the exact same for her no matter what. that is something that i think all guys desire to attain. yes they want to and will fight and sacrifice for their beauty, but they want her to do the same in a way. maybe not quite as drastic. i don't think guys like being fought for, but they want to feel significant. they want to feel desired. so dude if you read my journal, which i don't think you do, but if you do, don't feel bad about how you feel. you should feel that way because you deserve a girl who will cherish you as much as you do her, but you gotta give it time man. God will reveal to you the direction you need to go and the strength you need to get there, and all you gotta do is trust Him and be willing to take leaps. i can't stress it enough though when i say DON'T RUSH IT. also don't hide behind your pain. give that to God too. don't let the girls in the past ruin you. they should not have that kind of power over you. finally, if you truley believe that God will reveal to you your future wife, and i know that's how you feel, then it will happen in His time and not yours. just be patient man and know that you got folks prayin for ya.

as far as anything else is concerned, tomorrow i have an eight o'clock class so i must be getting to bed. it always feels good to write out my concerns though at the end of an event-filled day, and that is the REAL reason as to why i am still up. i don't like sleeping with things like that on my chest. if i have advice that i feel like i might burst unless i speak it, or i have concerns that might hinder my sleep, it is my greatest joy to transpose those from my brain to paper (electronic or not) at night so that i don't have to think about them anymore. if you read it, hope you enjoy it and can take something out of it. that would be even greater if by some chance my life's experiences were to help someone elses just through reading a journal. also, i don't know if i've introduced you to the little comment thingimabob on my journals. if you are isnpired, angered, blown away, or just plain bored of my journals, then click the comments link at the end of each journal and let me know. i love it when i have some sort of response.