well, what a great day. i went to all three of my classes and finished them off quite flawlessly. as for exams i only have three left, one of which is optional and can only help my grade, so you'd better believe that i'm going to be taking that. tomorrow i have an eight o'clock class, but that doesn't bother me because it's the only class i have all day, so when i get back i'm going to sleep and i'm not waking up until i feel like it. when i do, i'm going to do some laundry and call for some jobs and that's about the extent of that. this week is starting off great. i can't think of a thing that could go wrong, but trust me, i'm not thinking too hard. right now i'm winding down listening to some irish folk rock and then i'll probably head off to sleep. i'll try to think of something philisophical though just to take up a little more space. i hate when i have such short journals because i feel like i'm cheating you out. so... what should i talk about... let me think. hmmm, well i am coming home in a week from today so that's something to consider, but then again i did consider that last night. i don't feel like i have enough time to write on my thoughts on relativity and absolutes, so that's out of the question until i get an abridged version. how about this. i'll talk a little about relationships between people and me. maybe, just maybe if i'm tired enough i'll open up on a public journal, but don't count your chickens before they hatch. secondly i'd also like to re-address that i mention no names of any party in these types of entries because the details are no one's business but the ones who already know and they don't need names, so speculate as you wish, but it will get you nowhere fast. anyways i think a common discussion between me and some of my friends here is what to do with yourself when someone breaks your trust or when you get hurt from a romance relationship which can be greatly related. i myself tend to be one of those people who finds it very hard to trust others. i guess the textbooks call people like me skeptics, but from my experience i have many times put trust in people at an early age who have let me down drastically when i least expected it. i'm sure it happens to everyone, but for me it stuck and effects me to this day. i know that it's not scriptural that i should act this way so i am working on it, but it is a difficult struggle to deal with. something positive that has developed out of it though is a highly developed sense of empathy over the years. this little attribute helps me to decern whether or not i can trust someone in less time than it would ordinarily take. i can spend some time around people and tell what their motives are and what makes them tick (for the most part... still developing) but here's where it ties in to relationships. when i was in middle school i remember telling my school friends everything that would come to mind, which often times would be very personal. a few years later they used the information that i had given them to turn me in to a joke so that they could use me as a stool to get more popularity. from this i took learned that i should be very cautious to who i give personal information, and it did happen more after that too. high school relationships, for example, taught me alot. i remember giving a girl tons of personal information about me and pouring out my heart and leaving myself vulnerable without even considering the fact that she was not doing the same to me, so when time came for that to end, i was left out to dry. again i trusted someone who didn't trust me, which hurts in any kind of person to person bond. girls also do crazy things to close friends who would turn against one another at the nearest sight of a pretty smile and nice eyes, but i've heard girls are just as brutal towards eachother. that's just another expereince, but what i have learned thus far in a lesson that is far from over is that many things can break in life such as arms and expensive posessions, but they can be replaces. when trust is broken, however, it is almost impossible to mend. broken trust leaves scars... ya know, come to mention it, this whole scar analogy got me thinkin the other day. i have scars all over my body from "battles" of younger days, but there is one on my face in particular that i got when i was very very young. i don't even remember how old i was when i got it, but when i see that scar a vision flashes through my mind and i recall the exact events of what happened on that day. it was trauma and the scar will always be there to remind me of it, but a scar can teach you one of two things. it can teach you to fear what you did, or to learn from it. i, by no means, became afraid of falling in life, but i took up and learned, resulting more scars and broken arms. now-a-days i'm one of the hardest people you'll come across to knock on the ground even though i'm small. infact, if you ever get me on ice skates, it's quite theatrical to watch me flail around if something happens to threaten my balance, but i NEVER fall (atleast not hard). basically what i'm trying to say is that we are scarred by other people breaking our trust and we can do two things. we can become afraid of fealing pain again so we seal ourselves up and never trust anyone again, or we can face the fact that life, from waking and putting on cloths to undressing and going to bed every day, is a risk and experience is often times pain. i'm not perfect. i'm still afraid of commitment to an extent, especailly to someone whom i'm liable to overcommit to (such as women), but God willing i have atleast one more day left to grow and learn... now i hate more than anything these catch phrases that people say because they like the sound of it rolling off their tongues like "no pain, no gain" or my (least) favorite "time heals all wounds". i say what i say and you can take them how you want. this is the life that i live and i'm not about to deliver some catch phrase to you that has lost value because of overuse, but maybe you're like me and you understand without a catch phrase. that would be kinda neat i guess. whatever you take from this thought though, one thing is for sure... i'm going to bed because you made me think too hard;) peace and love my pretties.