To Create... Not to Manufacture

i haven't written anything in the past week. that's probably because i've been so busy that i haven't really had time. it has been really hectic trying to get the pool ready to open, but tomorrow all of the preperations will be complete. tonight was also the completion of my recertification for CPR. it's all out of the way and i am tired. this isn't college tired though. mentally i'm as fine as i possibly can be. physically... i'm far less than par. it's good for me though. i've been needing to get back in shape and all of this hot out doors work is really paying of in that aspect. in other aspects, i'm still poverty stricken. i have yet to get my first summer pay check, but it will be quite satisfying when i do. i've been getting home alot earlier these past few nights though... ten and eleven o'clock. i still don't go to bed until one, but i am indeed returning home earlier. the reason being is that i spend so much time on my music. i reached a short slum in my writing, but now it is showing signs of picking back up. i've been recording and playing and writing and singing and going insane. i haven't gotten to the point of writing worship music yet though. i really want to, but it is more complicated than that. for me worship music must be my very best creation. i don't want to offer a song up to God that i manufactured for a demand. i shall take as long as it takes to write the perfect songs that don't say the same thing that all the other worship songs say. i want them to say something new, and in a new way. i think alot of people find something wrong with this, and dealing with other people's dissappointment in me isn't easy, but it is manageable. i would consider it far too easy to just write a bunch of songs that would take advantage of the church and make me lots of money like many "Christian artists" do, but as an independent song writer, i feel compelled to be different and artistic. whenever i am ready, i am ready, and the words will come to me no earlier. right now i'm tired though and i don't think i can stay up... much... lon...ger... ... peace and loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... zzzzzz... zzz... zzzzzzzz...