the onslought has begun. i am writing my journal at mid day today because i fear that by the end of it i won't be coherant. all aspects of life have begun crashing in to me after a wonderful weekend. see, i wrote and recorded two new songs this weekend, but they're not on my sight yet because i'm not done fixing them up completely. i may wait until my condensor mic gets here to redo the vocals and then post them. other than that i'm not afraid of what i have to face to finish off the year. my actions greatly contributed to most of these circumstances so i'm not bothered. i get myself in tight situations all the time. the fun of it is getting out of the tight situations and looking back to see just how close you were to failure. it's sort of like that same rush i got as a kid playing with a garage door. i'd close it and then wait until it was dangerously close to closing and then i would scoot under it. note that this was BEFORE safety devices were invented to cause a door to stop closing if it were to crush a little child. i calculate my risks quite similarly today whether it be driving, school work, or any kind of deadline. i rule out failure simply because i've failed at very few things. i suppose i fail my self quite often, but that's a different kind of failure. it's more of a disappointment to fail yourself. i remember my taekwondo instructor failed me on purpose once when i was getting my red belt. he went through the stack of boards looking for something that would be impossible for me to break to pass my testing, and he found it. i almost remember breaking my arm on that board because when it came down to the final blow, which is where i put forth the most effort, i did indeed put forth my greatest effort and failed. it hurt my hand, but it wounded my pride. i still remember to this day what that felt like and it has given me a greater sense for success. i weigh my battles though. i never involve myself in something that i know i will fail at, but i don't consider there to be many obsticals out there like that. i might fight someone bigger than me and realize that i have no chance of winning (like big kev down the hall in yesterdays wrestling match), but that's a fun kind of failure. i guess women are about the only obsticals that i have a hard time allowing myself to "battle" for. i've failed there before to in about all the ways you could fail in a situation like that. this is beside the point though. right now i'm late for my business class so i shall be going now. peace and love.