It's All Over Now

Everybody is leaving. It has finally arrived again, that part of the year that you think you're looking forward to until it finally gets here. It's the end of this comfortability, and what makes it harder than before is the knowledge gained from the previous year where you know that it will never be the same as it was before. It's so much different than grade school though, ya know? Yes I am absolutely thrilled that school is over, but not so much that college is. I've got friends that are leaving, and everyone else but we few RA's are moving further away from contact next year. That makes it a little hard. I also, despite my intentions not to, have been thinking about it, and I'm really going to miss her alot. Set aside how course, rigid, and emotionless I adress the subject in conversation, I am greatly pained... But this pain has got to have some sort of purpose doesn't it? Won't it theoretically make me stronger? I can't pretend to know what will happen in the future where the knowledge of such things might come in handy, but this is what I face now. I also have been acting a bit strange lately. I seem outwardly excited about everyone leaving and I just want to pretty much push everyone out of the door. I think maybe the reason is because I'm pretty lousy at goodbye's. I just want to hurry it up and get it over with, but more as a process than an actual emotional situation. More or less... I suppose I just want to be as comfortable as possible through this whole ordeal. On top of this... I found out recently that my first girlfriend, Jill, is possibly married to a guy in the air force or something, and they live in Navada. Ya know... that's just weird. I feel so old now that all of these people my age are getting engaged and married and are having kids. I remember Jill, and though I did break off our relationship rather harshly and abruptly, that doens't mean I don't think about her quite frequently. I just can't start thinking about marriage. I thought it was a safe thing to do, but it's just gotten me into trouble and so I should probably change the subject to jury duty. I talked to my mom today and she told me that I've been selected for jury duty. Regularly that would be exciting for me, but unfortunately I will be out of the country during that time. Now I realize that jury duty is important, but honestly, this trip is more important. It seems to be yet another stumbling block on my path to get back to Ghana, but those are expected and common when you do things less for yourself and more for God. It is encouraging to think that the Devil considers my efforts worth steifling. Oh well... just a few more days to go until I come back home. That's always a bit difficult for me. I have to re-adjust my social skills to match a non college environment which is phenominally different from what is normal to me now, but I'll get through it yet again. But yeah... lots of weird happening around here these days. Not necessarily bad... but weird. Peace and love.