i don't really know what to tell you about today. i woke up and it was pouring rain and i found it oddly humerous that instead of having no water, we had an abundance of water. that's right. they couldn't work on what ever it is they were wanting to work on today with the water pipes because of the rain. now i don't know about tomorrow. we might just have a suprise shower shut down, but i think i can manage one day without a shower, as nice as they are here. now i must inform you that i have killed another mouse. yes poor kracker died last night after being caught in matt and cowboy's room in a cracker box. matt got him in a paper bag and brought him to me. we decieded that we didn't want to end his life violently again like when i beat that other poor mouse to death with a hammer. that wasn't very fun. instead i got the bright idea to euthenize it. so i went about searching my room with something with a decent alcohol content that i could stick in the bag with the mouse to get him high and then ultimately put him to sleep for ever. what i found was lysol and hairspray. lysol has alcohol and ethonol in it and hairspray has alcohol in it as well. now i've heard that teenagers sniff this stuff to get high and quite often they die from it so i concluded that it would have to work for a mouse. we opened the bag and sprayed it on in and just waited. poor kracker didn't really enjoy it too much. it was actually quite sad to watch him search around the bag looking for a way out, but eventually he did start staggaring around drunkenly. it was then that i decided that i could save his life. i thought it would be possible to keep him as a pet of sorts in a soda bottle with holes poked in it, so i stuck him in and went to the showers to wash him off. well, this is what did it. the water that i washed him off with settled at the bottom of his feet and he went nuts and started drinking it. yes, kracker drank a good bit of lysol hairspray cocktail and died a few seconds later... convulsing. i am convinced that he didn't feel anything because... well... he was pretty drunk, but atleast i'd like to think he didn't. as for today, classes were drab. i've got a speech due next week and i don't know what i'm going to give it on. i've got papers to right and work to go to tomorrow. i've basically got all sorts of stuff to do. my appetite has also been down lately partly because the caf has been falling way behind. i've got a cupon for a free wrap saved up, but i'd really like to save it for a sunny day when i can have another solo picknick in the quad. yes, solo picknick. a wonderful transition in to my next topic. i think i have once again chaced away any hopes of meeting (and by meeting i mean spending excessive time with) a girl. how? i don't know, but i'm sure it is for the best. i am meeting (and by meeting i mean introducing myself to) more girls lately which i must say is quite nice. it has made me realize just what it is that makes girls so special. i mean i love my bro's, but often times there is only so much of them i can take before i get a little bonkers. meeting girls is like a breath of fresh air i suppose. anyways, my new song is now on my web page, but i don't know how long it will be there. i may just have the recording blues or something, but now when i listen to it i am well below impressed. i do admit that it was a good learning experience though because i learned alot, but i just have to keep on thinking. see, the thing about my music (which is one of the reasons why i don't want to be famous) is that even if the rest of the world likes a song of mine, but i don't, i won't play it anymore. that's just the way it goes. anyways, the rest of this week is going to be busy so i need to get some sleep. as far as women are concerned, life is short... or long... or... i actually don't really care, but i know there is more to experience than that... like eating more for instance... that's a great idea! peace and love.

if you see me tomorrow, i'll most likely be wearing a hat. why, you might ask? ahh, i'm glad you did because now i can tell you it is because belmont wishes to shut off the north lawn's water tomorrow. yes, no poopie, no peepee, and no showers for a good portion of a day. are classes cancled? no! they are NOT cancled. i will be continuing on with my schedule tomorrow as if all was right as rain. so, agian, why will i be wearing a hat? the answer is this. because the showers will not be functioning tomorrow i had to take one tonight. now i am about to go to bed and my hair is still wet and therefore will be impossible to shape in any fashion tomorrow. i will have hair sticking out in every direction. simple solution: hat. now about today. i wrote music today for the first time in a long time. my creative juices were flowing and i used any and everything in my room that i could turn in to an instrument. it's a ground breaking song for me. i even like the lyrics, but they have yet to go through the deciding process which is a night's sleep. if i wake up in the morning and i still like the lyrics, then ca-ching! i'm keepin em. now i was recording and my parents called in the middle. i stopped it and answered, but i accidentally hit the off button instead of the on. sorry mom and dad. i also had a ring in my recording which didn't really bother me because i had lots of weirder stuff than that in there, but it accidentally got erased. now i'm going to bed. if i don't get enough sleep for tomorrow i'm going to die. i really would like to start off the week well instead of chaotic, which tends to happen on a regular basis due to my habbit of ensamnia (don't check the spelling). oh, and that reminds me. i looked at that psychological quiz and the different personality types and it said that a certain characteristic of the one personality type that i supposidly don't get along with is a person who can't focus past the exterior of a delivery to see the bigger picture, a.e. correcting my spelling when it doesn't really matter. that drives my contrasting personality NUTS! so if you are my contrasting personality and you have noticed that my journals are full of mizspelz and you have actually endured this far to read... then sorry. i'm sure we'll learn to get along some day... but not now. now i must go to sleep and thing about things much higher than not having running water tomorrow (as if i couldn't tough it after my mission trip to mexico four years ago... guatemala and africa: running water. mexico? no running water and dust every where) maybe i'll go crazy tomorrow on purpose and do something really excentric. to all my loyal fans, you will just have to wait and see. anyways i hope to dream tonight about what to do about my relationship life. i fear that i may no longer be able to publish it in my journal anymore. they're watching... they're always watching... but i am really vexed right now and i don't think it is totally necessary... whatever... goodnight my pretties.

finally, a saturday where i can relax and not have to worry about a thing! that's right, not a thing. last night after i got off from work and a couple of guys were having a boxing match in the lobby with hockey helmets and hockey gloves. i had a little bit of agression i needed to relieve so i picked a fight with the biggest guy on my hall, and maybe even in the entire dorm. i thought to myself that i would be able to do well being that i was a national champion sparrer in taekwondo, but i soon remembered why that was. i'm a kicker, and this fight was just taking blows to the head. you couldn't even hit to the body, so i was at a bit of a disadvantage needless to say. i got a few good hits on him, and i wanted to kick him so bad, but he rocked my world. the only thing i really had going for me was endurance. i took a good 10 blows to the head by a 6'2" 210lbs man, but the good thing was, despite an almost black eye and a few concussions that are still giving me a headache, i felt alot better. now the concussions lead in to the rest of the story because when you get a concussion you should never lie down soon after, so i had to find some stuff to do to keep me up. the guys were all watching "so i married an ax murderer" so i joined in and had a few good laughs. after that we decided to go to walmart. i really did need to go even though it was one in the morning, to get some groceries because i have to catch a ride since i don't have my own set of wheels. if everyone else goes at 1 am, then so do i. well, we got there and we did our shopping thing. i decided that it was time to purchase some cleaning materials as it is getting to the end of the semester and i'm going to be doing alot of that soon. i also bought a few snack foods, and i got a shower head... yes, a shower head. see, the shower heads in our bathroom really really stink. there is awsome water pressure in the building, but the shower heads mess it up. these were only three bucks so i bought one to test it out and sure enough, it's amazing what you can do if you don't depend on belmont to do it for you. i'm thinking about going up and down the hall to take donations so we can get new shower heads on all of the showers because that would be just swell. anyways, today i woke up at 1:30 pm. usually i feel bad when i do this because i've wasted half of my day. this is true, but sleep really is an essential to me right now and today i enjoyed every minute of it. as soon as i woke up i tried out the new shower head and went out side with my fellows to play monopoly and smoke our bubble pipes that we got at walmart for a dollar. we had our group of lady friends near by doing their lady things, and one of the ones i was kind of looking at that i told you about last night was there too. i leaned in to a huddle with my guys and i asked 1) if she was seeing anyone and 2) if any of them were interested in her already. to my relieved ears she was not seeing anyone, but (and there is always a but) to my dismay one of them already had his eyes set on her and i don't do my friends like that so i backed off. BACK to monopoly! i played with skill and percision but i didn't win. i was doing really well though, we just had to call the game after four hours because i had to go to work. right now i am working. you don't know how much i just wanted to stay in the quad, even by myself if i could have, just enjoying the spring air, but alas i must make money and all of my jobs here at school are in doors. but with a little bit of dr. thunder by my side, some cheese nips, and my frat bro clayton going to wendy's to pick me up some double stacks, i think i'll be just fine. it is kind of nice to be able to type journals while i'm working. it helps time go by faster even though the clock only says eight minutes have passed... i'm pretty confident that it is wrong and i am right. those ladies i was talking about are going country line dancing tonight though, but i can't go because once again i'm here at the desk. but i should be thankful. i'm making money here so i can stay at belmont and observe this phenominon i call "woman". who is she? what is she doing here? and why can't i communicate audibly with her? these are all answers that i am determined to get to the bottom of. college education is just a means to an end. to understand women is surely the true lesson here. why else would they make us pay so much to get it? it is obvious! i can't believe i never saw this before! okay, is there anything else i could say that is of some importance (as if that last little bit was)? well, i'll be coming home in a few days (about two weeks i guess) and i'll be 20 at about that time too, so there's lots to look forward to. the only down side is that i'm behind in history so i'd better be thinking about how i can make up for all that. i'll talk to y'all later. there's not much more i can say and typing this journal is getting kinda old. peace and love

do you ever spend a bit of time thinking about the past and how you did stuff that you just can't believe you did? the mindset that you would have to have to do something like that, you just can't believe that you had it. i think maybe i've been thinking alot about it lately because i've done so much changing since i've been here. there are things that i did last summer that i consider stupid and childish, but i don't think about it in a sense to bring myself down, but instead to consider where i've been. when you can look back and see where you have been, there generally is a trend in, though not perfectly clear, where you are going. i was looking at psychology, more specifically typology, tonight while working the desk just trying to get to know myself a little better. at first i thought those things were stupid like those quizzes in seventeen magazine, but when i look at other people and myself according to the discriptions given, there is some truth to it. for instance, if you know who likes who in your special environment and those folks have taken the jung typology test (which is a real psychological analasys test that you'll learn about in psych class) at http://www.humanmetrics.com, then you can just take a look at who they are defined as and who their "companions" are most likely to be, and it aint too far off. it's atleast worked in two seperate cases and i'm still working on a third. so who cares right? i don't know, but i think it's time to change the subject. today was fast and friday, which is always a good thing. this morning i got excused from first period so i could go sing at morningside nursing home with phi mu alpha. i sang my rendition of "when a man loves a woman" but i was soarly dissappointed because my time was off and i messed up the words. i really don't like failure at music. i can roll just about anything off of my shoulder, but when i mess up in music it means that i'm neglecting one of my favorite things to do. speaking of which, i'm serious about exploring a new shape of music. i've been listening to alot of bright eyes lately. he is an outstanding lyricyst and composer but i wouldn't recommend listening to him if weakness to possibly depressing music is a characteristic that discribes you. a downside to his music is he can't really sing that well, but he's got the kind of music where i can just sit there for a good long time and pick it appart in my brain. it doesn't even matter that he's got a shaky voice. infact after a while you begin to enjoy it. continuing with my day though... it was just a beautiful day; warm and sunny. i had a real hard time going to class but i got through it. after that i sat in my room and played guitar for a while and then i went on a walk with the viking down to an old book store. it was pretty neat. i had never been to a used book store before. there were all kinds of really old books that were in really good condition, but the problem that remains in the light of this discovery is that i don't read recreationally. i almost, ALMOST, regret it, but then again i'm in college and i still get by pretty well so who knows. i suppose, since i have tons of time, i'll talk about ladies. yes, spring is now upon us so it is only fitting that i should be noticing the fairer sex. i'm starting to hang out more with ladies now than i have before and i've actually met some here that i'm kind of interested in despite my previous notions. now i will never mention names. i'm pretty much fine with telling almost everything about myself on line, but i can't say the same for other people, but here it is. it's a funny story occuring last week. a bunch of my hall guys went to centennial park to play capture the flag at the world's fair monument with some ladies from a neighboring female dorm. there was one girl on my team and two on the other, and we go this bright idea for that since there were a bunch of couples walking around the park together that the other team started to ignore, that girl and i would act like a couple and walk around the park to look for the flag. we held hands and had our arms around eachother and would give fake hugs for reconossance. there were even close calls where we would FAKE (and the key word here is fake) kissing so that the suspicious "enemy" would disreguard it with the subconscious idea that it would be too extreme to go to that level. well, y'all back home know me and know that i don't really have a strong constitution around the ladies so i was shivering the whole time. i told her it was because i was cold, but i was actually way nervous. she's a really nice girl though, but i think she is seeing someone, so that's automatically off limits. now there's another girl that has been hanging out with my group of fellas lately too, and she is very nice as well. i'm going to hang out with her a bit more to find out more about her, but i probalby will end up doing the same thing i always do. i tend to rationalize away my attractions because i'm afraid of them, so i think of really good reasons as why i shouldn't get involved. now this methodology has saved me alot of trouble in the past, but there's got to be an end to it. i just don't know when it will be. but who cares right? i'm in college and i don't really need any of it anyways. i'm still a bit young to be thinking about stuff like this. i should just have fun and not worry... by now you might be in agreeance with me, but this was just an example of my rational. i don't know, i'll get over it someday. i'm sure if a girl just looks at me a certain way i'll be fine, but as of now lots of girls come up and talk to me, but when i open my mouth they make excuses as to why they have to go. on a closing note, girls when you all make excuse, it means the same to a guy as you just flat out telling the truth, so why don't you? peace and love

have you ever gotten tea in your ear? well i did today. it was a beautiful day outside so i decided to have a one man picknick in the quad. after i finished my wrap i lied down flat on my back under a tree and just hummed to myself for a while just before i got another bright idea to try to drink my tea flat on my back. it worked at first, but then i got a little too fast and confident and i spilled it all down my face and in to my ears. but it was far to lovely outside for me to care, even though i did it in front of almost half the school, so i just laughed. i also got payed today from vandy for all my hard sufferings and passings out on the floor, so financially i'm secure for now. now i have to pay off debt though which should be fun. two minutes later i got in a fight with my roommate. we haven't really talked to eachother all semester and things finally came to a head today. the details are not important, but i've only yelled at two people outside of my family in my entire life up to this point. i think genetically i am predisposed to be stubborn in arguments. my heart knows i shouldn't continue but my brain far too enjoys the adrenal rush i get from verbal fights. this is why i generally like being nonconfrontational. it's not because i'm afraid of confrontation, but because i would get addicted to it if i let myself to too far. i know that sounds weird, and it is. i feel both exilirated and horrible at the same time when the dust settles. i realized how long it's been since i fought though. i haven't felt like that in a long time and now i remember why. i don't even think any of my best friends have ever heard me yell. my family has, but i think as far as actual yelling goes even they would have to admit that i don't do it that often. but later on i appologised to him and we made peace. we were both kinda in the wrong, but now i feel better about the whole situation. i also later tonight got to talk with one of my hall buddies about our Christian walks and our concerns. i can't think of a more satisfying topic to discuss one on one. even though i don't make the conversation quite as often as i should, i always feel a greater sense of understanding when i walk away. tomorrow shall be a new day. i have arranged a song for my fraternities music mission in the old folks home. it's "when a man loves a woman" by percy sledge, but i've taken the liberty to nathanize it to something that i can better express my style through. i haven't had any inspiration for recording lately though, but i think that might change with the weather. with every ray of sunshine i feel just plain better about life. i think i've been pressuring myself to write a certain way lately too, which is never good. i always get overly concerned about what other people would think about my music. that's what people who want to be famous do, and God knows i don't want to be famous. i just want to write music that brings back emotions or memories for me and maybe provokes serious thought from others. and just a tid bit of information for you, if you are displeased with Christian music lately, sadly enough, the church is actually at fault. there are so many rules and regulations that music must meet to get aired. it seems to only minister to the saved instead of the lost. music like that isn't accepted. it was dishartening to learn that it is very difficult to be an artist and a Christian musician at the same time and make it in the business. record labels want what sells and right now what sells is stuff that doesn't make you think too hard, stuff that can have no question as to its blatantly obvious meaning, and stuff pretty much reitterates the same concepts in the usual 1,3,4 chord progression just in a different key with synthesized drums, and keyboard effects along with the classic pop voice processors such as compression, auto tune (mics that actually make you sing on pitch... yes, anyone) reverb, echo, and fx unit sounds. that is why i've been discouraged lately as to whether or not i want to put my name to that or not. my only qualm is the rejection i might face if i were to wade in to uncharted waters. i'm just sick of comfort. i'm sick of traditional "turn off your brain" music, and the more i learn about it, the stronger my emotions become. i look at Jesus and i see a guy who wasn't the norm and who didn't come to save the well but the needy. the followers of the law and tradition criticized him all the time and eventually had him killed. so i guess the question isn't "should a change occur?" but instead "why should i be afraid of rejection?" food for though... peace and love

so i haven't done a new journal in a long time. i'll give you that. there's just been so much going on around here. first off, last week was one of the worst weeks of my life, but i'm not complaning, and you'll hear why in a minute, but i really need to juice this thing for all it's worth before i say anything else. for starters i had two exams last week as soon as i got back from spring break. that was just a shame. i studied for 11 hours in psychology and got in there to take the exam and felt horrible about it. i felt like i had studied all that time in vain. next on the list is dissappointment. i found out last week that two of my friends, one of which talked me in to coming here in the first place, can't come next year because of money issues. i clearly understand the money issues. i don't think more than 20% of the students that go here actually go here comfortably, but it sort of bothered me that they were indifferent about it, and it bothered me that all the plans i had for next year weren't going to come to pass. the next news on the agenda was money related also. the school decided to up and take $1000 of my scholarship money with no reason sent to me. it was here, now it isn't. i wasn't quite sure why they would do such a thing. i mean i have done way better acedemically than anyone, myself included, expected, and i've kept up with all my credit hours. related to thisk, i was told to consider finding another school, prefferably one cheaper than belmont, to go to to finish my studies. i looked at montreat as far as their music business program goes and decided against that. i'm not even sure if they have their own music studio, let alone the connections here in nashville. and the program itself, or as far as the music part is concerned, is completely up to the student to learn. well, from taking music business courses already i've learned that there is no way you can teach yourself the business in four years by yourself, so i thought, if i leave belmont and i want to stay in school in the south east, i will seriously have to consider changing my major. i though, maybe i'll change my major to just business and go to chappel hill... but that thought ended up depressing me, but atleast they have a phi mu alpha chapter there. finally, the last straw on the cammel's back was my schedule. i had no time last week for anything, so i decided to make time. i really just needed to blow off steam and i can't really do that around lots of people, so i quarenteined myself to my room for an afternoon and just kicked back. it was nice and it got me back on track a little bit. as for the ra position, i had pretty much decided not to get my hopes up on that because my interviews and participation didn't go as well as i knew they could have gone, and there were plenty of people there that were perfectly capable of doing a fabulous job. anyways, sunday was my last day of darkness. i was skeptical of monday, but i just prayed for a while sunday night for my situation. i prayed that i would know where i would be by the next day. now these kinds of prayers are particularly hard for me becuase my faith is small in receiving something so huge within a time limit, but it was genuine. the next day i went on doing the monday things that i do waiting for the ra news to come and it did. i went down to open the letter and what did i find? i got in, i'm going to be an ra here at pembroke hall next year which means that i won't have to pay for my room, which means i'll have enough $ to stay. that's a prayer being answered in my book, and miraculous at that. needless to say, this week is going a whole lot better, and i've learned alot, both about myself physically and spiritually. hope all of you are still awake after reading this, and if you are, have a great day. peace and love

ok ok ok, i'm back now and i know i said i'd fill you in as soon as i got back... but i'm just too tired right now. on the long drive home i also realized just how much i have to do still to finish off this quarter strong, and believe me, it's alot. tomorrow is going to be a full day of work and organization for mr nathan, but hopefully by wednesday i'll have some spare time. i really do have lots to tell you and show you though. i plan on altering my older website to feature only my spring break photos and the stories that go along with them. when it's ready, i'll simply place a link in that journal entry and you can feast with your eyes all you want. for now, i've got to figure out some way to get food. i'm kinda broke, but i get a pay check tomorrow i hope (gulp). if that doesn't work out for me, i've got a year supply of ramen to last me until the caf re-opens. just to let you know, this spring break has introduced alot of new thought in to my mind about myself. lot's of new questions asked and new characteristics realized, so i've got my hands full if i'm going to be able to mix all of that in with the physical aspects of the trip. i probably could write an entire novel on it if i wished, but i won't... i guess i can't just leave you hanging for today. hmm... what should i tell you. okay, i'll tell you what i did today. we all woke up in orlando at about 7 this morning eastern time to clean up. after we got the sheets all washed and put back on the beds we were out of there by 9 and were on the road for a good 11 hours. during that time we went through countless cd's. i slept for most of the first quarter of the drive, but that was good because i ended up on the driving shift through atlanta. would you believe that there was a traffic jam?!? oh yeah... wait... atlanta, right. a funny thing happened though which went quite well with a sub-theme for the trip. two girls were driving by in a car. they were feeling very flirtatious and decided to take a picture of me. then the felt all shy and embarrassed which flattered me quite well. however, on the trip, i was flirted with by many girls. they would smile at me and come up and talk to me, but then after a few awkward silences, they would loose themselves in the crowd never to be seen again. this provides me with one conclusion. i must be decent for eye candy, but once i open my mouth, it's another story all together. i guess the "almost strong silent type" isn't in anymore. oh well, you all know me and what a crazy foo i can be if asked the right questions. until tomorrow ladies and gentlemen, peace and love.

okay, so i'm at disney world right now. i want to tell you all about everything, but at the same time i also would like to spare david's phone line of any long and drawn out immagry that i am tempted to use. i promise that i will give a full report of my trip and the ideas that have flowed through my head while i've been down here. first thing is first though. the trip down didn't seem long at all. i think that's because we switched off driving responsibility between the three of us. on the way down, i'd say about 40 minutes out of atlanta, we ran in to an accident that had just occurred. there was an suv that had come from the opposite way that was turned over in the median and had thrown all the passangers out. though we didn't see it happen the wheels were still spinning and no ems had arrived yet, so we stopped to help. it was one of the first outside of my profession emergencies i've ever had to deal with. at the same time though, it made me feel helpless. the victims were three girls, probably seniors in high school. i could do nothing to help them immediately because i suspected possible spinal injury. two of the girls were laying down including the driver while the other was able to stand but was very shaken about the whole incident. the driver was totally unaware of where she was, what day it was, or what her name was. she had serious trama to the head and was complaining of back pain. the other girl that was lying down was aware but when i asked her if she could feel her toes, she said no. in all the chaos there were people there that were both trained and just nosing around. there was alot of chaos that i and a few of the other certified folks around were trying to calm. one of the people actually called the parents of the driver and let her scream in pain into the phone some unaudible sentences. that was horrible. i couldn't immagine what it would be like to be a parent and to hear your child crying like that on the other end. it was also that girls birthday. after the ems got there, there was nothing more we could do so we packed up and went on our way. we got to our destination about 1am eastern time. it is beautiful down here. it looks just like a village off of pleasantville. the weather is suspected to be clear for the entire break down here, it's just the right temperature (80's), and i'm thus far having the time of my life. i hope all of you are having a wonderful spring break as well, and agian. i'll keep you posted on my return to belmont wednesday night. i also suspect that i will be updating my pembroke website before school starts back with all the pictures from here and the fraternity. i'm going now. we're about to watch joe vs the volcano after a long day at mgm. peace and love...

i'm back from the hostpital and the check is in the mail. yes, it was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it, and that somebody was me. The $900 the job payed is mine also as a little side note, but that money is going to tuition despite how tempted i am to spend it on something else. yesterday's stay was alot easier than the first time. i found out that the first time was when i got the medication so i think that might explain why my heart was extra reactive. it was still above average today, but not nearly as emphasized. the test routine was the same. do nothing for 25 minutes and then run the pupil sizing test and the brain awareness test for five minutes and so on for 12 hours. i think part of the reason it went faster this time though was because they let me watch movies. it was information that i wasn't given the first time. it turns out that they have a whole movie archive, so i watched tarzan (the cartoon one), forrest gump, part of meet the parents, rush hour, and chicken run. i could only watch part of meet the parents because that movie is more depressing than funny. so much bad stuff happens to that poor guy, i just can't stand to watch it. anyways, the hardest part of the whole day, as i believe i said last time, is taking off the ekg pads. those things are sticky. this time i took a shower to get them off so even though it hurt, i was able to better manage the pain. now it looks like i have hickies all over my body, like i made out with a big mouth bass. i have one on each boob, one below my left boob, and two to the left and right of my bellybutton. i did manage to find a good use for the spots though. when my nurse brought me my night time snack i found that the sticky spots made for good holders, so i attached my bag of potatoe chips to my left pectoral and reached in at my leasure to get some chips. now i'm home, and i'm packing for disney world because i'm leaving at 2:00. as for the immediate present, i think i shall shower off to get rid of the hospital smell. anyways, i'll fill you in on my trip. peace and love.

okay, so i'm trying this out. for the very first time i'm writing my journal way early in the day. not because i'm going to bed right now, but because i don't expect anything else noteworthy to happen today. mostly today was pretty nice and incredibly short. i went to my first class and got out in no time, took a nice long hot shower and then went to my second class. this was music business, but my professor was on vertigo medication and he was really strung out. it wasn't much of a lesson because he was merely rambling and asking deep questions with a slur in his speech. i thought it was funnier than most things in life, but he did manage to communicate one thing. our class is supposed to find some guy/girl musician/songwriter from anywhere, record them, build their album, and then get them signed to a major label. sounds pretty cool huh? well that's not all. after we were told this little tidbit of information the professor left and we were left to organize. it was then that my class elected me as the president of this committee. i'm excited about it. i think it will be fun. besides, this is what i'm going to be doing for the rest of my life, so i really want to test the waters. i may even start my own publishing/recording company over the summer depending on how successful i am at this. we'll see. anyways after that class ended i went to vanderbilt to pick up the viking from his medical study. he let me drive his car which was nice. i always enjoy a nice car ride every once-in-a-while. we got back to campus at about one, so since i was already late to my history class i decided just to skip it and get some other important stuff done. laundry was on my list of things to do today because i'm going to be in the hospital all day tomorrow finishing up my medical study so i won't be able to pack for florida at all after now. anyways, i'm going to watch a movie now and fold cloths so i can pack em up. i plan on only wearing pajamas tomorrow so i won't have to get anything else dirty before spring break. as for tomorrow i plan on being thuroughly board, but i'm going to try to do two things. i'm going to try to study for psychology, and i'm going to try to play my guitar even though i'll be wearing about 18 different wires. well folks, that's all for now, and maybe even all for until after spring break, we'll see. peace and love.

i really need spring break, and as spring has been in the air lately with this lovely weather we've been having, i've taken notice to a few new things. today's topic is going to be tanning. tanning beds have become ever popular lately, especially around college campuses. there is a point, however, when tanning becomes more than just tanning, but another way that people start to vent their low self-esteem. you can see em around campus with just a quick left to right pan across the quad. THERE are the two groups related to this topic; those who buy thier tan, and those who do not. there are distinct differences between the two, though often times the controlled tanners get away with just being lightly shaded and still manage to fit in with the "do nots". what i see when i look around is the occasional... let's say... about 10% of the student body that has taking tanning to what i think is an unhealthy level. and the thing is is that you could probably get away quicker with convincing me that you made your store bought apple pie from scratch at home before you could convince me that a tanning bed tan is natural. it's just that the tanning bed tans look so bronzy and orange and exactly even all over the body. i don't know if you've noticed or not, but there are certain parts of the body that should naturally stay a little lighter shade than other parts. for example, the sun naturally tans the upper part of the arm while the underbelly, though shaded slightly, usually stays a proportionately lighter color. also, if when you have a dark tan, there is no color distinction between your face and say... your armpit... you probably are going to be spotted as a fake. also, if you get too tan, you tend to look like a well beaten saddle bag coated in a dark orange. see, i was pondering over all this at breakfast this morning. i noticed my self looking at some ladies and wondering what they would look like without their tans, and i started to like this idea. i know that they probably just want a nice tan before spring break so that they look good in a bathing suit, but as with most things, i think there is a line that can be crossed. i am, of course, not the one to judge. back when i lifeguarded at the city pool all summer, i didn't wear sun screen and i pretty much went trans-race. i was DARK! but it was a natural dark. you could tell by looking at me and the way that my tan was shaded that it was a sun tan and not a booth tan. my dermatologist sure did notice. a few years ago during the summer i went to see one and he said that i looked all good after the check-up, but that he would see me in thirty years for skin cancer. my basic summary or moral from all this speech is this: strive to be comfortable with your natural beauty. anyone can put on tons of makeup or bake in a tanner for hours on end and look good, but when you overkill like that you advertise your lack of self-esteem, and in so doing, you loose the respect of others, more so at a subconcious level, but never-the-less it's not there like it should be. ladies, what good is it to have the eye of every guy when none of those guys respect you as a person and just want you for one thing? i'd say that the best bet for both teams is to be confident with yourself first and foremost and be patient and humble. the divorce rate in america is so high today mainly because people aren't confident so they go out and flaunt themselves all over the place tryin to make the opposite sex notice them. they then lead to exploiting willing person after willing person to continually feed their confidence lacking provoked addiction of being "liked" "sexy" "desireable" "femanin" or in guys cases "manly". it is after this that they meet who they think is their "special someone" and they get married. time passes and they realize that they can't give up their addiction, so they return to their "nomadic" lifestyles leaving in their wake nothing but heart ache, and broken homes. this is what is acceptable today in america. it won't be long now that the majority of people figure out, "what's the point of getting married if it's not going to last. all i gain from it is one more tax fee." i mean, look at where our culture is going. it's sick to think that this actually makes sense, but it does in the eyes of society, it's just not noticed yet. why is it all like this? because once again we cannot possibly live up to the american dream. it is unattainable and this is why our economy works so well. think about it. "well nathan, i've heard this ALLLL before so why don't you just go to bed and stop wasting my time!" okay fine then! i will! but don't expect to get an invitation to my birthday party! peace and love...

i like to make a habbit of giving my overviews of monday because quite often mondays seem to reflect the rest of the week for me. as you may know, this is spring break eve, so the week is probably going to go by a bit slower than most, but that's okay. now i'd like to start off talking about morning. this morning i decided to wake up early and get a shower and breakfast in before my nine o'clock class. now usually i just get up, don't even throw on any cloths other than my pj's, my slipper, an undershirt and my strongbad boggin cap, and go to class with my stank morning breath. i don't know what possessed me to get such a good start this morning, but i'm glad i did because it made the rest of the day feel pretty good. when i got to speech though, i was late and the door was locked. it was then that i realized that our new informative speech sessions had begun. my heart jumped in to my throat because i haven't even picked out a topic yet so i was going through my mind ready to ad-lib a six minut speech with no visual aid on a topic that i pulled out of nothing that is mouse extermination. thankfully that was not what unfolded. i found out that since i went first last time, i'm going last this time which means that my speech is due the 19th of this month. i am very releived at this news as you may immagine. now after classes, which by the by, my history class let out early which was nice, i went back to my room just to veg for a while. i got to talk to one of my lovely ladies from back home, brittany, about the goings on there, and she sent me some senior pictures of her this year. if you know her and haven't seen them yet i highly recommend it because they are quite amazing. for example; i usually keep my door open, and while i was looking at them deciding which one i liked the best, several guys came in and became extremely jelous upon learning that i actually know this girl. anyways, later on i got a bit nostalgic as i tend to do sometimes and i went through some home pictures. i pickup up my scrap book that my wonderful worship team made me before i left for here and i read all of their letters to me and looked at all the pictures. i got to thinkin that i have probably not been living up to their expectations of me. i guess i've just been going under so much change that i havent kept a tabs on what has been changing about me. i'm not THAT drastically different, but i still don't quite feel the same in areas of my life that i probably should still be the same. oh well... what else must i discuss. okay this thursday i'm going in for my last medical visit for the testing and stuff. remember to pray for me because... i don't really want to die (sarcasm don't worry about it) but it would be cool if i didn't pass out again. though it was a neat experience the first time, i'd rather not have a re-peat. i mean when they started carting in the heart defibulator and i woke up laying on the floor, that freaked me out a little bit. okay well, i'm gunna do whatever before i go to bed. i'd also like to announce that i will be coming home for easter for four days, so i might have the pleasure of seeing some of you then. ttfn, peace and love, the whole shabang...