I'm so confused this morning. My dreams keep disassembling everything that I'm trying to hold together. I can't sleep well at night. I'm getting ready for work now while I contemplate the cowardice of perhaps if only work is hard enough I won't have to think about the things on my mind. I shouldn't be surprised. This is only what I asked for.
At my very core I want to be an honorable man. I want to be righteous, not because I feel that the Lord will be less loving of me if I am not, but because that is where the most full fruits of life exist. It's hard sometimes. It's almost as if that is my dark secret that if anybody found out, they would like me less. But I want to be shaped into a dependable worker, a faithful husband, and a good father. I think that is the basic desire of most men, at least at one point or another. I have a lot of fears that need to be dealt with though, and they need to be dealt with this week.
I'm going to work.
Peace and love.
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