Hard to do the Right Thing

The show tonight was amazing and I felt really good about the band's performance. After that I went to the house and did a little bit of fire breathing. I remember now why it is that I don't do that anymore. It used to be exciting, but now it's just harmful. But right now I've crawled into one of those deep trains of thought. The subject at the moment is "doing the right thing" and how hard it is sometimes. I think that sometimes I get lazy or impatient and it brings me to desire the "easy way out", which often causes someone else to suffer. It is not my place to make another person suffer, even if it seems justifiable in my eyes. More often than not my eyes don't see too well anyways. So I did what I had to do tonight, even though I possibly could have used the opportunity and manipulated it and pulled some fleeting opportunity out of it. I'm waiting now for the peace to set in.

And so I guess I could just sit here and think about all of the things that I have to do before Monday. Worry worry worry. I'm tired of worrying. I miss not worrying about anything. God has this funny way of taking care of things on their own. Sure, you should work hard to accomplish your goals, but worrying about their fruition is not going to increase the chance of success. I need a massage. My back hurts from all my worries. It's getting worse and worse these days. I find myself having sharp pain when I bend down. I'm only 22. That's not old enough to be feeling "old pains" yet.

Sometimes I just long to slow down and breath. I realize that I work so hard to get through a day, and when it is all said and done with, I can only look back and wish that I hadn't been so careless with the time. I've had it good, but I was in such a hurry that I didn't realize it until much later.

I look forward to sleep tonight. I've been having a series of good dreams lately. They're the really interesting and vivid kind. Two nights ago, in a dream, I watched a tornado slowly form in the sky while standing on a pier on a harbor over rough waters. Sometimes I wonder what it all means, if anything. But most of the time I just sit back and enjoy them. Hope you are blessed with good dreams tonight. Me? I'm going to shut up and hit the pillows. Peace and love.