Think Ahead

I haven't written in a while, and I suspect that's because I haven't had much to say lately. It's been another one of those weeks that you just float through I suppose, but this weekend has yielded me some time to think, and for that I am greatful. I'm a little curious right now as to what I'm going to do when I get out of here... Belmont that is. I know I have aspirations to start my own business, but where do I begin? It's an intimidating subject, especially considering the fact that it's music business, and starting anything in music business is difficult. I think I need to talk to people that have actually opened up their own studios or record labels. I need to see what their advice is. But reguardless, I want to do it just to say that I tried. It's in my blood, the entreprenurial spirit. If I fail, I can do something else, but I want to give it my all. First off, I gotta think location. Sure Nashville is a great place, but do I want to live here for the rest of my life? But then again, I talked to a guy who owns his own record label and he said that at first he tried opening up in South Carolina, but he just couldn't sell there because there wasn't NEAR enough talent. But here, not only do you have a huge pot of talent to pick from, but also the credeblility of having a label in Nashville. I also have to wrestle with the issue of leaving all of my friends behind if I were to leave, starting a new life somewhere else all alone... again. I suppose I could do it if I had to, but it's not on the front burner of my desires. So that's just the decision of location. Then there's always the big bite which is cost. The music business costs TONS of money. The mixer in the basement alone costs around $500,000. That's just the mixer. That's not considering the building, the mics (which can cost up to $5,000 or sometimes even more a piece), and all other miscilaneous equipment. I don't want to be paying off loans for the rest of my life, because if I were to fail, I would be left to deal with the bill on TOP of my private life expenses.

So that has been on my mind. Not to say that my aspirations are hindered at all, but they are intimidated. It's sort of like when you walk into a broken down room that's a HUGE mess with the task of not only making it spotless, but making it beautiful as well. You pan from the left to right to make an assessment and then you just get overwhelmed as to where you should start.

I'm also wrestless because I still want to do something exciting and wreckless, but my situation does not permit it.

I need to take up reading. I've hated reading my entire life, but I feel like if I could learn to be patient enough, I would benefit not only in knowledge, but in a calm character as well.

I take joy in a realization I made this week though. I have realized that I'm not that tourmented soul that drug himself across campus every day last year. Considering the situation, I'm really alot less burdoned this year than both my freshman year AND sophomore year. I still face my problems which, relatively speaking, still seem pretty difficult, but in the long run... not really. I just need to stay out of trouble.

But speaking of which, an interesting sub-point in the sermon this morning caught my attention. He said that guys get so emotionally overwhelmed that they just turn off their emotions completely. That's something I do alot I've found. I don't get emotional about stuff because with just about everything I can just hit the off button. Mitch pointed that out to me the other day. He said it must be nice to not get stirred up about anything, to which I replied "No... it's really not." He said that he can tell when he's talking to me and when he's just talking to a Nathan shell. I've never really liked that about myself, but again... where to begin?

Related to that, I was thinking about what makes things beautiful and I came up with an opinionative answer. In order to see beauty, you have to have experienced ugly, otherwise beauty is simply what you have been told. It sort of came to my attention when I heard a guy singing John Lennon's "Imagine". I said that it was a song of hopelessness and Mitch corrected me saying that it was just the opposite. Thinking about it though, I concluded that we were both wrong. It's a song of meaninglessness. The only reason peace seems so pretty is because we live in ugly. If everything were peaceful and perfect, where would meaning be found. There would be no beautiful if everything were beautiful, there would just be ordinary. This is just a reaffirmation to me that everything indeed does work for the Glory of God. All of man's actions gives us just a glimpse of either who God is or who God isn't. Beauty and Ugly. Peace and love.