It Comes and Goes

I don't know why I'm writing right now. It just happens every once in a while I guess, this feeling I get. I've been doing relatively well the past few weeks, and I haven't much reason to complain. It's just that I remember stuff at awkward times. This year I have done well at putting my desires for a relationship behind me. Most of the time I'm satisfied with being single and free, and the memories of the pains of a relationship are at the forefront of my mind. That being said, girls come and go and draw little attention from me. Maybe I should rephraze that by saying "most" girls. But then comes those times where I remember what love feels like and how much I'm missing out. That's where I'm at right now. But going back to most girls... It doesn't matter how attractive a girl seems to me. Attraction helps, but it's not all that counts. I see amazing looking women walking around campus all the time, but they don't have "it". "It" is what I've come to know as this essense a woman caries around her that is specifically attractive to me. It's not something I can see or feel, but I know when "it" is there. The girls I've dated in the past had "it" but then ended up not having other compatabilites. The problem I run into now though is that there might be one out of hundreds of girls who posses "it". Now I've met a few here at Belmont, but most of them are taken. Guys say to me "why not still try, you don't know her boyfriend." No, I don't know her boyfriend, but I've been hurt as the result of a the type of guy I COULD be before, so I refuse to put any human being through that. And then there are the girls who aren't taken. Well, I've taken a step back to analyze how relationships start. They generally start in friend environments, and that is where the problem lies. I'm a pretty open guy when it comes to hanging out with people, but most of my closer friends aren't. They are very selective and have no tolerance for people who aren't extraordinarily similar to them. That being said, the only girls we DO ever hang out with are nice girls n all, but I probably wouldn't date any of them. Now I would never negate the fact that my friends love me, and likewise, but the type of girls that I do like and that posess the "it" quality aren't really liked too much by my friends, and visa-versa. To put it shortly, I'm never in an environment where I could meet those kinds of girls. I want purity, I want compassion, I want insight, and I want a beautiful girl that loves the Lord, also, someone who can get offended. See, I'm not an easily offendable person which is why I think it's so easy for me to make friends, but I need balance. I think it would be good for me to be with someone who did get offended by certain things because sometimes I honestly think I should be offended by stuff that often times passes undetected. Here's what will have to happen if I'm to find a girl like that at Belmont. Either most of my friends will have a change in prefference of girls, something miraculous will happen and it won't matter what the environment is like, or I just won't find a girl while I'm in college. See, I used to meet most of the girls I liked at church, but a popular view among some of my friends is that church, and all girls that go to it, are the shallow snobby biggots. That's not true and I know this because I've been to several churches and I've seen all kinds. But it's so hard to get involved in church here with such a busy schedule already, otherwise I probably wouldn't have a problem. Man, all of this stuff is making my head hurt. I'm just going to have to be satisfied with a plate full of "it's not time yet" and go to bed. Peace and love.