Oh No... I Guess They ARE Serious!

i was immersed in class today and i came to an important realization. my summer of spelunking is over. i am going to have to pick up study ethic once more and i'm going to have to get organized. not that i'm not organized right now, but i have to organize in a different way. it is the organization of papers and pencils and assignments that i must achieve. i am not disappointed in this realization though. it seems to be a nice change in pace that i shall be thankful for when my long lost, sun drowned intelligence returns to me. i will be able to function once more as a civilized human being, able to hold intelligent conversation with the occasional sly and witty remarks about how bad the caf food is. that being said, i went and had my first caf meal this week at dinner. i now remember why i have staved the caf for all this time, as my pizza was desicrated by cold cheeze and overly sweetened tomato sauce. my first week here i was almost excited by the proposition that the cafeteria might just have had an overhaul and we would be getting decent meals consistantly throughout the year. boy was i the fool...

another subject that has come to my realization lately is the fact that i haven't really had a deep thought in quite some time. as this would normally have me worried, i can look back to my summer at the pool and be able to give an immediate excuse as to why this is. not only was i working in the sun all day every day, but the environment wasn't exactly thought provoking nor profound. so here i am among higher education just waiting for that moment when something ground breaking enters my mind so that i might share it with all of you.

i suppose i could adress the issue of preperation tonight though, being that it is a suitable subject for the beginning of the unkown (such as school and a year of new responsibility). i was reminded by the viking today that i should not expect things to get worse, and he is absolutely correct in his thinking because when you expect things to go wrong, they usually do. instead we must prepare for things to go wrong. there are numerous age old sayings that go along with this proverb such as "never count your chickens before they hatch" or "expect the best but prepare for the worst". we tend to look at these sayings and then wander away with a feeling of contentment simply because the words seem to flow together, but we don't always give the words close thought. they do not SIMPLY mean anything because the meaning is often times very hard to practice. we can so easily get caught up in expectation that we forget who is in control, and this mentality can often lead us into sticky situations that we only wish we knew where to go from there. maintaining focus on God as the one in control is key, but sometimes that is even hard to do. i get caught up in my plans and my goals and then when something does go wrong, i get angry with God. so then i have to remind myself where the universe came from just in case i forgot that i didn't create life as we know it, and then it doesn't really seem so grim. why? because understanding that God has the best intentions for you is also a key to sane survival, and this can't be understood unless you are absolutely willing to stray from what you want and seek out what God wants from you. this is a lesson that i learn day to day, month to month, and year to year because i know what i want. that's easy. but knowing what God wants for me is a little harder said than done. it takes focus and discipline, and not just an agreement to be a christian. don't get me wrong, the focus and discipline aren't essentials for salvation, but they are a result. no man who says he is a christian remains stagnant. the rest of his or her life will be spent persuing the goal of becoming more holy, not because he or she must, not because he or she should, but because he or she truly loves the One they follow. if you truly loved someone with all of your heart, soul, and mind, you would do what they asked of you not because you feel obligated, but you desire it. that is the embodiment of the true Christian. salvation is the beginning and the road that follows is the battle for purity. this is one of the many things that sets christianity appart from every other religion. that and Jesus being the only one to die in my place.

so if you've read all this and you just can't get over how cheezy and cliche it all is, you might be expecting an appology, but it's not going to come this time. cliche or not, it's concrete and that's pretty much all i got to say. take a look at James though if you want more about such topics as these. James is one of my more favorite New Testament books. but anyways that felt pretty good. i haven't been able to think that clearly in quite some time. well, i'm off to bed all. i hope you all are facing life well. until later... peace and love.

What's There to Learn This Year???

so again i have failed to remain faithful in writing my journals. i immagine that i have lost many of my readers and for that i am sorry, but there has been so much going on lately, i just haven't had time. i shouldn't even be up right now writing in my journal, but i feel compelled to inform all those who do not know of how life is for me right now. this semester has started out ever so interesting. i have a pretty comfortable schedule, as well as good relationships with friends and (cough cough) others. the RA position has proven to be quite exciting, and my responsibilities with Phi Mu Alpha as RUSH chair are also turning out to be less intimidating than i first thought. this is all still the beginning of the year for me though. the brunt of the storm hasn't even blown its first gail.

my class schedule is absolutely wonderful. on mondays i only have two classes and the first one starts at 11... so you can pretty much count on me sleeping in till ten on those days. my next class is at 12 and is only 50 minutes, so after that, i have an entire day ahead of me that can be used for whatever my mind desires. wednesdays are exactly identical to monday, but thursdays i have a lab at 5, so that's a little bit of a change, but not much. as for tuesdays and thursdays, those are my pain days. those are the days that i have 8 o'clock classes and labs. in total i have about three classes on these days, and one of them is math... so you can pretty much guess that i'm not having fun.

as far as dorm life itself goes. i'm almost entirely situated. i still have a biology book to buy, and i'm waiting for my printer to get here that i ordered online, but other than that, i feel content in all that i have. i suppose i do have a tooth ache for a digital camera though, just to be able to take pictures of life here to send to folks, but that will just have to wait. maybe i can do another medical study to get some pocket money for one of those. anyways, all of this has been going on all at once, and i can only look to it as completely God sent. the blessings i have received this year have been abundant and satisfying, but i still must be cautious. times like these are always followed by trials and tests of all kinds. each of these periods also tend to get a little harder and longer as time progresses, but i see it as God molding me rather than misfortune. i take seriously the saying "that which does not kill you makes you stronger." anyways i'll try to find time to write more, but i can make no promises... peace and love...

The Finer Times in Life

ahh, now this is what i'm talking about: classical music after a strenuous midnight workout which was preceided by a wonderful day. what can i say about such days as these. there has been so much going on since i last wrote, and i appologise for not being faithful and keeping you posted, but i have been absolutely consumed in the best way for the past few days.

training was difficult but bearable, and now that i look back i'm glad i did all the things i did instead of going with that temptation in the back of my head that kept whispering for me to sneak off to my room and sleep. the big day, though, was saturday. that was the day that all of the new freshmen all over campus moved in, and let me tell you, there were ALOT of them. you would think that a day like that would have been bad, but i tell you no lie: it was outstanding. there was absolutely no stress factor because everything ran like a well oiled machine. all we received all day was praise from the parents and the bosses alike. the dorm had finally changed from a lifeless closed in space, to the home that i remember pembroke being.

while all of the freshmen have been attending orientation meetings of all sorts, we RA's and upperclassmen have been doing prep work of our own. i speak only of shopping and all that it entails. i don't know how many times i've been to walmart in the past few days, but i know it has been alot. i've bought everything from mouse-traps to new shoes. the mouse traps became a necessity because i have an unwanted visitor who seems to be less prevelant now that others have moved in, but his name is alaska pete, and he shall die by my hand. the new shoes had to be purchased because unfortunately i had a death in my apperal family. my flip-flops passed away the other night as i was climbing the steps of hail hall with chubbs my boss. i was deeply saddened because they have served me loyally for many months, but alas they are gone now... and i have new shoes to replace them.

"but what have the real pass-times other than shopping been around here?" you might ask. i've been doing alot, and enjoying every minute of it, this i can assure you. i've gone to get sushi with the boys from the hall, as well as watch movies with them. i have also been creative. for instance yesterday to fill in for my missing shoes, i had to make some shoes out of duct tape. they were quite marvelous little contraptions that i found to be almost comfortable. they were made out of socks, hemp, card board, and of course, duct tape. it's just been a great week for meeting up with all of the friends though. i really forgot how much i missed this place.

the workout i just finished was great and i feel really good about it, as there was alot to think about during that process. i ran a little over a mile at around midnight and did some push-ups, sit-ups, and bench dips. i reached my physical limit, but again, there was alot to think about to keep me motivated. see, i'm the kind of person that doesn't like to let anyone down, so when i'm working out alone like that, i like to close my eyes and think of the people who i would least like to let down as watching me in anticipation, sort of rooting me along to push just a little harder. coach morris has always been one of those folks i visualize whenever i reach my limit. it's weird sometimes driving around my town. sometimes i catch a glimpse of what looks like him, and my thoughts for a split second are to tell him what all i've been up to, but then i remember that he passed away. sort of a downer for me, but he always pushed me to work harder, so whenever i feel like i can't do any more, i think of him and i usually can go a little further. there was a little more than that on my mind though. it wasn't by any measn bad, but it does require though (as most things in life do). but the time now calls for me to write in my private journal (which will be much longer than this one;). i must also take a shower and attempt to go to sleep a little earlier tonight because classes start tomorrow. hope all of you are thriving in your respectable situations. may the Good Lord be with you. peace and love.

Sometimes I'm a Jerk... And Here's Why

So if you know me, then sometimes you know I can be an absolute jerk... but I'd like to think that it's not too often. Anyways there are several reasons why this is so. First of all, and the part that is largely responsible for my jerk attitude today, is the fact that I don't deal too well with being tired and constantly mingling all the time. I need some time alone to defuse. The being tired part wouldn't be a problem if only I could take a nap during the day, but right now I'm about five days off as far as sleep is concerned.

The second reason as to why I can be such a jerk sometimes is this. I have always thought of myself as an unemotional person, lacking in the department of compassion. My mom, however has this crazy notion that I build walls more than any other person she knows because I am compassionate and I actually do care. This hypothesis got me thinking, especially today as I seemed to isolate myself from larger crowds in attempts to regroup my thoughts and focus. I was wondering why I was one of the few people there that had to do that. I mean, I most certainly was not the only tired and ticked off person there, but I was one of the few that had to get away. So basically I had to call myself down on the carpet and admit that yes, I was indeed escaping, but again, why? As I continued along with this thought process I was led to the conclusion that I get away because I don't like to snap at people. As cheezy as that sounds, it's true. If I am feeling short tempered, I will most always quarantine myself away. I mean, it's rare that that actually happens, but this week is definitaly an acception. But anyways... I'm tired and I think I'll finish tomorrow... peace and love

Almost There... I Think...

Today was similar to yesterday in some ways, but not in others. I started out more tired than I have been thus far and believe me, it showed. People always think I'm angry when I'm tired, but it's not that... my face just looks angry, but that's the face God gave me so folks are just going to have to deal with it. Other than that though, I was having another day of fluctuating from feeling discouraged to feeling extatic. It's strange though. I'm not worried about it... but at the same time I really am. No, it's not RA'ing and it's not the national deficite or ozone, but it is something potentially cool or potentially crappy... and that's all I'm really going to say about that... (hehehe I'm such a stinker aren't I?)

We started the first official day of RA training today in the sense that the stuff we learned was actually applicable and concrete to our jobs. Some of us went away a little intimidated, but I still have complete confidence in my Pembroke guys. This year is going to be great! But anyways, meetings carried on until around just before dinner and that's when I went back to the dorm and took a nap. It wasn't long, and it wasn't silent (cuz the guys were watchin tv in here which is cool), but it was everything I could have ever wanted wrapped up in blankets and tied with a dream... After waking we expediently finished off the day's business, went to support our residents at their soccer game, and then went shopping at Walmart... yet again... I beefed up on my food supply and some mouse and ant traps while the other guys got their individual little diddies. Anyways... that mouse is gunna DIE. I mean I don't really mind having them in my room as long as they don't eat anything... or poop on anything... but he did BOTH!!! And that just will NOT fly! Other than that, the ants are just annoying, so they have to die too.

When we got back it wasn't but a few minutes passed when the Viking (Jeremy Stephens) came back from his summer away. The Viking, for anyone who doesn't already know, has been nominated King of Pembroke for his loyalty and valour, and among other things... his total awsomeness! We all helped him move in and then we immediately commenced on our hall decorations. All in all it's been a pretty busy day though, but it wasn't bad... especially tonight for more reasons than one. I just hope I've got enough gas left in my tank to get me to Sunday. If I can make it to Sunday, I can make it to any day. Peace and Love

Sometimes You're Up and Sometimes You're Down... But Not In Nottingham

"Every single town

Has it's ups and downs

Sometimes up

And sometimes you're down

But not in Nottingham"

Ahh, the favorite lyrics from an all-time classic. The old Disney cartoon of Robin Hood was a building block of sorts in my life. It taught me a few harsh truths about about the real world which were, sometimes you're up, and then the next day you can be down just as fast... but not in Nottingham. Fortunately for me, I don't live in Nottingham, but in Nashville. That pretty much means that I will remain on the fluctuating up and down pattern of life instead of Nottingham's continuous downward trend. Today was one of those days though. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes, but I think the majority of it is just shear tiredness. Anyways, today I was going up and down mood wise in a mere matter of minutes. No I'm not having mood swings, but it just seemed like I would have an awsome experience followed by a rather discouraging or confusing one. The most of my discouragement comes through the unecessary competition between myself and others. The specifics of this I will not divulge in a public journal, but it seems like somthing potentially great comes my way and just on the other side of it is choppy water. I will NOT compete with someone else to win anything, but I will be myself in all the things I do. Just what is "myself"? Well, It's rather hard to explain. In fact, it's taken me 20 years to figure it out this far, so I'm sure it would take an exhausting amount of time to explain it. The most abridged way I can think of myself as is one who observes, who has alot of himself to give, who holds high ambition, but who is relatively lonely. Sure I've got lots of great guy friends, but you know what I'm talking about. And I'm not one of those guys that chases after a girl for mere sport either, so if you've got advice on THAT matter, I ask that you re-evaluate it before you give it to me. But that's another thing. The whole ordeal with my last relationship was finally resolved this past summer and it was the bravest but most difficult thing I've ever done. Once again the details are only for the select few who know, but what I'll tell you is that it hurt much less than I thought it would have, and now I feel GREAT! I compare it to having a terminal disease for three years and then waking up one morning to find out that you are cured. So what does this mean? I suppose it means that I have alot of catching up to do as far as where my thoughts have been because for the past three years, many of them were preoccupied with one person. Now that I have all this extra thought in my hands... I honestly don't know what to do with it, but it feels great. Kinda like that feeling you get when you find an old coat or a pair of pants or something and you search the pockets to find $20 in there that you had forgotten about a few years ago. Yeah... that feeling.

I suppose an overview of the day would be called for though. Today was kinda cool with the RA activities that we got to do. Once again I met many new folks, and I'm getting in the role of remembering names, though I haven't yet mastered that art. The best part of the day was about the dorm hall spots. The whole theme for RA training this week has been "Got Community" based primarily around the bovine, and in so, there have been many cow decorations scattered here and there. For instance, each dorm hall had a special cow spot made out of foam with their hall's name on it... cow spots that we pembroke boys... (I mean men) stole and held for ransom. During the day all of the dorms were after our blood, but we kept a strong hold of their spotts. It wasn't untill Chubbs, our boss, got kidnapped that things climaxed. The girl dorms got a hold of him and they gave him a make-over with nail polish, blush, and lipstick. I mean this was the full shabang! We got him back in exchange for one sign but then we made all the other girl dorms give us a kiss on the cheek for theirs. Well... one dorm kissed us on the cheek, and the other, we kissed their hands, but we have photographic evidence of both. That's about it though. Now, since I can barely see straight I'm so tired, I think it would be best for me to go to bed. Peace and Love.

What Can I Say About Being and RA?

Here's what excitement came my way today. Other than having an absolute blast with my palls for the past few days, we, of course, have been performing grueling tasks. Chubbs, my boss, has been whipping us in to shape, but for all the better. In my opinion we have the best group of guy RA's on campus. We work well together, and everyone cares. Since Saturday this dorm has really come alive from what Mitch calls "a stem cell existence" to "something like a tissue cell existence".

For the past two days though, we've mostly been enveloped in leadership meetins learning about what we need to do and who we need to be to successfully lead in this community. I'd have to say that the biggest topic that influenced me was fear. I've always been one to commonly deal with issues of fear in my life. For the most part I'm very quick to label a fear as irrational and as an excuse not to do something. I would say that there are the few exceptional legitimate fears, but not many. Today though, I was a bit thrown off by the guy saying that he hopes we have some fear of our position and how the future will end up. I thought it was funny because this is one of the first times when I have assumed a large role and I haven't been afraid. I think it's becasue I have been blessed with such a great group of co-workers and an awsome boss. I don't think I should have to be afraid to be a promising RA.

Whatever though. I met a bunch of great folks today too, some of which were RA's that I'll be working with. I suppose I'd like to get to know all of the RA's that are working the North Lawn Community a little better because they'll be the one's who I will be working more closely with. But let me say this much (being that it is a public journal and all) I especially enjoyed meeting certian people... There... that seems open-ended enough to not come back and haunt me in the future. But seriously, I had a wonderful day despite all of the lectures I had to sit through. Responsabilities are still at large though and I have many more in the morning, so I'm going to bed. Peace and Love...

Summerz Up: Back in the Broke (100th Post Party)

That's right everybody, I'm back at Pembroke Hall in beautiful Nashvegas, and I must say things are going well thus far. My room has been one of my prime areas of focus lately. I like things to be perfect and they almost are, but all I really want are a few more posters and such... then I'd have to say that this will no longer be a dorm room, but my respectable bachelor pad. Outside of room decor... the majority of my time has been going into getting the dorm ready for the freshmen to move in. Let me tell you, this is HARD work! We've been lifting beds and moving furniture all day long, and we're all soar. Cameron pulled his back, Aaron sliced his finger almost to the bone, and Mitch, Bojangles, Chubbs and i have our minor knicks and bruises as well. On top of that, we've also been running inspection on each room and filling out loads of paper work.

Tomorrow things aren't going to settle much at all. Chubbs just had a meeting with us and he said that until Friday, he's going to own us and run us ragged. When Friday afternoon comes around, he said he plans to give us the day off to rest up for Saturday. Saturday... will be our Hell Day. That's becasue come Saturday we have to move every single freshman on our halls in. We are expected to work for the majority of the day lifting things like heavy boxes and fridges while still maintaining a pleasant composure to reassure the parents that their little angels are in good hands.

For the most part this week though, we will be sitting in training lectures. All of that starts tomorrow and sounds simply captivating to me. I can't wait to learn how to deal with confrontation (as if my life's existance hasen't already been almost completely focused on tight situations). I musn't have such an attitude though. If I am to be successful I must be optomistic. It's when you start letting those little innocent thought in that the big debilitating thoughts get there hold. I bet tomorrow I'll make new friends and I'll be more comfortable in my role as RA. Either way, I'm sure I'll get whatever I expect out of this training week. I have come to enjoy adversity though. I just don't feel like I'm earning the right to survive unless I have a regular trial or difficulty, and that's just one of many motivations that pushes me along. Sure I might not have the greatest attitude during stressful times (working at the pool all summer is a testamony of that), but I find joy from it when I go home at night.

So what do I expect out of this year? Well I suppose I haven't done much thinking on that. I expect, first of all, to maintain a steady journal for you all to read. I suspect that I shall also balance a healthy dose of work and pleasure as I did last year. I also expect that I shall gain more wisdom spiritually and physically, and maybe, just maybe somewhere in there I might earn the eye of some girl. The best way I could describe what I feel right now though, is confidence. I am confident that in whatever I put my efforts in, if it be a worthy cause, God will bless it and I will succeede.

To cap off this first of journals in quite a long time, I'd like to say that I'm really looking forward to see all of my friends move back in, and I'm exited about the year and what it might yeald. I just hope that the good times seem to last just a bit longer than they usually do. These are the times that the elderly look back on and long for, and I suppose I can see why. Well, until I write again, peace and love...