This Week will Destroy Me

if i live through the remainder of this week, i'll be much ablidged to fill you in on how. what is about to take place is the most action packed week of my summer, and i don't say that in a good sense either. i've got no time on my side to learn this song i have to play and sing at church sunday morning and at work, the water slides are opening this weekend, our biggest weekend of the summer, and i just have a really bad feeling about it all. i'm also havin to pull extra weight until my brother finds a new job because his old one let him go. things basically just aren't peachy right now, but it is still at a level of stress that i can manage. it's weird though. when i get a day off, i don't really know what i can do with it and i just can't relax because i've been so consistently busy, and usually i end up working harder on my days off then on my days on. quite frankly i'm exhausted. i also just found out that i'm going to have to fix up my car which takes a huge chunk out of my summer funding. i hate and love cars. it's a weird relationship that cars and i have. i'm exhausted right now though so i'm going to bed. next time you see me, i'll have a little bit of hair on my chest. peace and love...

What Can I Say?!?

ya know, this summer has been kind of a bit lacking from what it started out to be. everyone was here and there was always something for me to do after work... but now everyone is working or gone and i have nothing to do. there's alot of personal undertakings going on in my life, but y'all are going to have to miss out on those details being that this is a public journal. all i can tell you is this. there are some things that a man has to do in life even though he is afraid to do them. that's just the way it has to work. today i closed the pool becaus of rain and all of us took the day off. i'm learning to be a little more assertive in my work, but i really don't enjoy it. i consider it to be good ra training though. i've got to learn to be hard sometimes. for my day of though, i didn't really do much which was a nice change of pace. i went to the bank and wrote some music down by the lake. i was kind of flattered when i found that i had drawn a bit of a crowd of not just people, but fish and ducks alike. but after that i just went home and layed around. about 9:30 i decided to go to the book store to look around and i ended up getting some german language learning cd's. i've always wanted to learn german and now is my chance. anyways, not much else is going on. i don't know how i feel right now, but i know i don't feel like myself. it's been weird. for the past couple of days i really haven't felt like me and i think it's because of that whole personal issue. i'm really interested to see how that turns out, and if you ever catch me in person i might tell you, but that's NOT a promise. don't worry too much though. i don't mean to make you hang in anticipation, but that's just a big part of what's going on right now. speaking of which, i went through my private journals last night and it was a huge eye-opener on how much i've grown in just the past few years. my attitude is WAY different now, and it was kind of re-assuring to discover. oh yeah, and today i also went to play disc golf on the back nine, and i could have sworn that i played with bill gates. this guy asked me to join his group. he was with another woman and a man and they both reffered to him as bill, but he introduced himself to me as william. he looked like bill gates... he talked like bill gates... and he was wearing a huge microsoft t-shirt. he wasn't that bad at disc either, but they were playing from the hard pads and it through my game all off. oh well, i'm sure i'll go back again tomorrow after work. i'm going to bed now though. i have to wake up at 8 to be at work by 9 because of swim lessons. but before i retire i'd like to give a special shout out to cowboy for responding to my journal. that tickles me pink y'all... it really does. so to ye all have a grand night and i'll see (or maybe not see) you all in the morning... peace and love...

Rainy Day = Good Day

the title is pretty self explanatory. today it rained us out of work at about four o'clock so therefore, i got off work early. i then went to show this new family that might be moving down here and coming to our church around town. we went to eat at chilli's and then went to putt putt. their kids are a bit younger than me at 12 and 16, but age has never been much of an obstical for me unless i really think about it. certain ages like 10 and under kinda freak me out. mainly because most kids that age really like me and i don't understand why. i know i'm not the most unlikeable guy, but still, they attract to me like magnets. i also don't know why they weird me out so much. is it because they're unpredictable? i know it's not because i don't remember what it is like to be that age because i'm one of the most nostalgic people on this planet, but the reason still alludes me. maybe it's just because i don't feel like i can act like myself around them. i bet that's it. i don't want to hurt them, but i also don't think acting like myself would be as entertaining to them. considering all this, i don't really like acting. i can act, but i feel fake when i do, so i really just don't like it. now for some reason this reminds me of another issue. i've been having a bit of trouble with one of the guys i work with. this is his first year at the pool and he is young. i also think this might be his first job, but there are just some things that he does that employees don't do. first of all, in rank i am his superior, but i don't like to hold that over people. i consider myself to be pretty layed back when considering most of the people i have worked for (which is alot). anyways, he seems very argumentative as a person in general, but he gives a big attitude when i tell him to do anything that he doesn't want to do. this is not the way the work force operates in the real world. when an emplyee that is over you asks you to do something, you do it without question. that's just the way it works. but with him, he always gives lip. like today for instance the girls in concessions were pageing me by walky-talky and he started fighting with this girl over who was going to answer it. i told him to cut it out and give it to me because it could have been an emergency and he got this big attitude with me about throwing my weight around as an assistant manager. now i'm the kind of guy who doesn't like to be agressive, but if i must be to get this guy to cooperate, i will. i think the majority of it is just immaturity that he will grow out of, but it bothers me all the same. i think that he thinks that since he's worked there for a week that he's a pro, but he's got another thing coming. first off, he's never made a save before. note i do have full confidence that he can do it, but it changes your perspective on the job when you make your first one. second, he has never worked the 4th of july and seen just how crazy that place can get. finally he's never seen the wrath of our head boss, and once that happens (and it will) he will be a new man. i will continue to work with him though. it will teach me patience and boldness, and maybe mature him a little bit. course i remember how i felt at that age. i knew everything and more. it's only when you go to college and stop living at home that you realize just how little you know. but oh well, such is life. everyone must jump through that hoop i guess. another something that got me thinking today was this girl that i work with who told me that i look sad and alone when i walk around. i immediately told her that that was just how i looked and i really wasn't sad, and i guess she was foolish enough to believe it. i guess i try to fool myself sometimes, but i really do wish i could find my soul mate. i think God has put such instinct in all men close to my age becasue this is the part of my life where it isn't outlandish to start thinking about the big M. it's kind of like getting your driver's license. when you're 10 years old you start thinking about how liberating that day is going to be, but when you're thirteen, you start actually saving up for a car and getting ready for driver's ed. on top of that, i still have to try and forget what's-her-face even though i hear about her almost every day. one of my co-workers dates her younger sister. so all of these things lead me in to a state of silent sadness and lonliness. usually when i'm not exhausted i'm pretty good at hiding it, but sometimes it shows. i think though, that it is a step. in order to be forever happy with your soul mate, you must first know what it is like to be lonely. as for me right now, i'm going to watch peter pan (yes, the old disney peter pan) and then i'm going to bed. hope to talk to you all tomorrow. peace and love...

Locked Out

okay, i need to just calm down a bit. i've had a weird day in that it was both nice and relaxing, but also a bit hectic at points. first things first. i went to work this morning and they told me i could have today and wednesday off so that was cool with me. i just went home and tried to catch up on life being that it was my first day off. after all of that i went back to the wolffis's and watched gladiator. i really like that movie... but anyways, then andy came over and we went to play disc golf. it was a good run through because i finally got my swing down, and i found a new fantastic disc. so my new high schore is 22 over par. yeah, i know it doesn't sound like much, but it is for me. i'm just a beginner. so after that we went to the store and bought some ramen noodles and then rented the third matrix movie from that new family movie store in town. they let me have a free rental because i cut up a blockbuster card. don't bother me much though because i had two of those copies. even if i did cut both of them up, i could just go back to blockbuster and get some more. whatever though. i really doubt that place is going to be able to put blockbuster out of business, but i don't blame them for trying. so brandon and andy and i all watched the movie and then they left. this is when it got a bit crazy. see, my only responsibility here while i am house sitting is to feed the animals, so that i did. i walked outside, closed the door, and went to feed the dogs. it was when i got back that i realized, "hey, you locked yourself out you big moron!" so after lamenting for a second, and then wandering around pointlessly for a few minutes, i made my way over to the neighbors who gave me a ride back home. it was there that i got my dad to come with me to get the door open and he did. now all i have to worry about is the minimal damage that was inflicted on the door, but that was my day today. as for work tomorrow, i'll be going to it and... uh... working... then i predict that i shall be cleaning up this house for todd's return. peace and love...

Sorry About the Delay... Lots to Fill You In On

wowzers, it's been a while since i've written anything. i just figured people had stopped reading my journal, but viking reminded me to keep devoted (yeah, he rocked it out by actually replying to one of my posts!). this is crazy though. i mean where do i start? i guess i'll tell you about work. it's been grueling since we've opened, but that's part of what makes it so satisfying. we work our tales off in the hot sun all day and then go home and relax, and i promise you it is the best relaxation i have ever experienced. looking at the staff this year, most everyone is a new face, and young at that. it's a little tricky to deal with, but i find it most educational trying to perform around so many different people. the best news i have in the work department is that i finally got that assistant management position that i've always wanted and with the promotion last week came a rather nice pay raise. i also have a set of keys that came with it. i've always seen the amount of keys someone has as the ammount of responsibility they have (or maybe they just collect keys). anyways, work is going well. i made a save the very first day the pool opened, and just today i helped a little boy who had hypothermia. why did he have hypothermia you might ask? that's because people still do go swimming in cold weather just because the pool is open. also as you might suspect, the five-year-old's parents were at home and his twelve-year-old sister was watching him. good times though. lots of stories to tell. another exciting even that happened this week was me and my friend andy were walking my dog when we were all of the sudden chased for no reason by two crazy dudes with a pitbull and a gun. needless to say i ran home and called the cops (yeah, i outrand a pitbull). andy, who works at a vet clinic tells me that pitbulls have around 3000lbs of pressure per square inch in their bite. that's alot of pressure! casey probably only has about 700lbs so i didn't want her to stay and fight. she wanted to though. she doesn't like it when people or dogs threaten me, which is comforting to know. right now i'm house sitting for some friends of the family while they are away at the beach. it's cool because it gives me a little independent vacation where i can live life sorta like college again. as for my music, i'm still writing. i seem to have lots more ammo to write about when i don't box myself in and think about what other people think about my music. i seem to be a hopeless romantic though. i'm constantly writing about relationships with women, but i don't think it's necessarily bad. i'd like to think that maybe my songs might somehow speak to people in similar circumstances, or encourage them, or maybe just entertain others. whatever the case be, i'm looking forward to improving in any way possible. i have found a secret to that improvement too. the secret is to be madly in love with music. when you think about it, it is quite similar to a relationship between a man and a woman. it can be discouraging at times, but when you press through that discouragement, it's absolutely worth every drop of sweat. i'm going to go to bed now though, but i'll try to keep up writing the best that i can. peace and love...