Not Yet but Soon

Classes are really winding down right now and I'm really excited about that. I've been holding on by the skin of my teeth all semester and now it's almost over. I don't know how to feel exactly. I know I'm going to have to change my entire way of thinking. My mind won't be so divided anymore which might be a good thing, or maybe not. I'm excited to find out either way. All in all, that's really how I feel right now. Excited. I don't know what's going to happen to me and I'm anxious. I've always loved adventure and uncertainty to an extent. I don't like letting go of the things I love though. It's a paradox because adventure almost certainly requires that you give up something you love. So the question still haunts me as to where I want to go. Do I want to leave? I don't know. If I stayed where would I work? I dont' know that either. Certainly I wouldn't want to work at the hotel. I would want to use my degree. What I do know is this. Many of my questions will need answers in a very short amount of time.

Yesterday I went to hear Mitch sing in a chamber singers concert. It was amazing. I wish I could go every day. While they sang I just closed my eyes and bathed in each note as they bounced off of the cathedral walls. The cathedral was incredible. I had never really been in one before. I used to think they were just gaudy and unnecessary, but now I understand the significance. Just being in the room inspired reverence, a state of conduct that is rarely practiced in this day and age.

Right now I'm in a transitional state. I feel like I'm standing at the door of motivation, like I'm about to stumble upon something that I can put my passions behind and really put forth effort. Probably a great deal of that has to do with graduation. I know I still have one class this summer to take before I am truly free, but it's sociology, a gen ed class that I really don't consider to have much baring on my degree, so I consider myself to be graduated. It's not like the class is going to tax my thoughts a great deal this summer. But I look forward to having initiative again. I know that I have so much more potential than what I currently put out. I've just always felt too divided among things that held no value to me. I don't really care about some of my classes, I'm not ultra excited about running cars, all of it together tends to limit me. It all costs energy.

So from here out, I don't know what's going to happen, but I know I'm going to do what it takes to walk down the path that God has marked out for me. And beyond that, I'm looking forward to stretching out to my full potential. I want to see what it is I'm made of.

Peace and love.