Test of Metal

I made it through the weekend, another test of my metal over open flames. I was busy from the get-go Friday morning and it all ended just a couple of hours ago. I'm pretty tired. Pretty sure I'll take full advantage of the six hours of sleep I plan on getting tonight. Tomorrow is the start of a new week that I expect to be no easier than this. I'm confident and alert.

I got a few pics in an e-mail today of the showcase I worked last night.The first one is of the spread. I told you it was a pretty big production. The second one is of the crew. I like that pic a lot, and again, all of these guys were good fun to work with. From left to right there's AP, Anthony, Paul, Me, Lil N, Chris, and Cameron the owner of the company. I was stationed as a grip at the catwalk part of the stage. That job consists of me being able to wrap cables the right way (over-under) really fast so that the (Lil N) doesn't trip over them while he's getting his shot. I also serve as a buffer zone between the crowd and the camera because he's not able to pay attention to his surroundings. It's a simple job, but fun. I didn't really expect more responsibility than that. Camera work really isn't my speciality.

Oh but again, I'm beat. I think I'll have enough energy tomorrow to finish the week off. I've been consecutively positive about everything even though I've managed to hit a few large pitfalls on the way. I'm just excited about the posibilities of tomorrow.

Oh yeah, the fraternity also sang at a nursing home today. I really enjoyed it because they enjoyed us. I really just like to minister to people with my music. I had one guy come up to me afterwards with nothing but praises. I watched him a lot while I was singing and I could really tell that a lot was going on in his mind. I must have reminded him of someone from his past.

Well, I'm out. Peace and love.

Punch Cards and Patience

And suddenly, my life became busy. For the past two weeks I've had it pretty easy. My schedule looked relatively empty so I didn't do much of anything. Many people can't stand to do nothing, but not me. I've been doing so much for so long, I really don't feel bad at all when I just sit on the couch for an undetermined amount of time and soak in the radiaton from my tube television. Ah, but work has caught up with me. It's not so much school work, so I don't really mind. I think school has finally withered to it's death in my life, which seems okay by me at the moment. Outside of school, however, has picked up quite suddenly. I'm working more shifts all of the sudden and I'm doing odd jobs and favors for people. The fraternity is also exploding with activity for these last few days.

In all of this I feel relatively positive. I get tired now and then, but my spirit is still high. Today, for instance, I worked the Best of the Best showcase at Belmont. It's a huge concert comprable to that of any large stadium filler, and I was on video crew. My legs hurt because I was pretty much on my feet the entire day, but I enjoy working with that crew. They're great guys. The experience isn't bad either. You can learn a lot in that atmosphere, especially why wireless clearcom doesn't work when the audio crew decided to use all wireless in-ear monitors and wireless mics. There were so many frequencies flying around in that room, there were bound to be some problems. But over all, we did a really good job. It isn't often that people will come up to a production personel after a show and thank them for the job they did. That honor mostly goes to the band. But I got several "good jobs" out of several people.

Tomorrow is another busy day. I have to be at church at 7:30 to run sound, I'll be going to the nursing home to sing later in the day, then I'll be going on a field trip to pick up a piano that we, the fraternity, will be destroying for a fundraiser on Monday.

The only thing that really bothers me about being this busy is knowing what I'm doing and when I'm doing it. I don't like knowing what I'm going to be doing every second of my day, several days in advance. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.

Oh, and I've got a few new ideas brewing in my mind. I'm not going to announce anything until I've got my thoughts into a more concrete medium, but that shouldn't take too long.

Peace and love.

Will Work for Food

I need to be looking for a job right now. I'm pretty much wound down with classes for the rest of the year. All I really have left is a decent performance on my finals and then I'm done. After that, I've got plenty to do, but none of it requires that I go to class, which will be a refreshing change in pace. I'm sure I'll miss class eventually, but for the time being, I'm quite greatful to be leaving it behind.

Making money is the new agenda. I need a decent job to help pay the bills, preferably something that pertains to my major. I feel a lack of confidence though. I don't feel like I'm hireable, at least in Nashville. I really would like to go on tour as a sound guy for a while, being that I am young and not married. I don't even know where to begin though. I don't really know anyone in the live sound industry, which is bad. In Nashville nobody gets anywhere who doesn't know someone else that's already there. I might just have to settle for a temp job with some label or publishing company. I'll do their dishes and maybe every once-in-a-while get to look at their sound operations. Then I might be able to work my way up the ladder.

Who knows. I really have more to figure out than just this. I need some sleep for sure though. I'm going to be busy for pretty much the rest of the weekend. Non stop. Peace and love.

Not Yet but Soon

Classes are really winding down right now and I'm really excited about that. I've been holding on by the skin of my teeth all semester and now it's almost over. I don't know how to feel exactly. I know I'm going to have to change my entire way of thinking. My mind won't be so divided anymore which might be a good thing, or maybe not. I'm excited to find out either way. All in all, that's really how I feel right now. Excited. I don't know what's going to happen to me and I'm anxious. I've always loved adventure and uncertainty to an extent. I don't like letting go of the things I love though. It's a paradox because adventure almost certainly requires that you give up something you love. So the question still haunts me as to where I want to go. Do I want to leave? I don't know. If I stayed where would I work? I dont' know that either. Certainly I wouldn't want to work at the hotel. I would want to use my degree. What I do know is this. Many of my questions will need answers in a very short amount of time.

Yesterday I went to hear Mitch sing in a chamber singers concert. It was amazing. I wish I could go every day. While they sang I just closed my eyes and bathed in each note as they bounced off of the cathedral walls. The cathedral was incredible. I had never really been in one before. I used to think they were just gaudy and unnecessary, but now I understand the significance. Just being in the room inspired reverence, a state of conduct that is rarely practiced in this day and age.

Right now I'm in a transitional state. I feel like I'm standing at the door of motivation, like I'm about to stumble upon something that I can put my passions behind and really put forth effort. Probably a great deal of that has to do with graduation. I know I still have one class this summer to take before I am truly free, but it's sociology, a gen ed class that I really don't consider to have much baring on my degree, so I consider myself to be graduated. It's not like the class is going to tax my thoughts a great deal this summer. But I look forward to having initiative again. I know that I have so much more potential than what I currently put out. I've just always felt too divided among things that held no value to me. I don't really care about some of my classes, I'm not ultra excited about running cars, all of it together tends to limit me. It all costs energy.

So from here out, I don't know what's going to happen, but I know I'm going to do what it takes to walk down the path that God has marked out for me. And beyond that, I'm looking forward to stretching out to my full potential. I want to see what it is I'm made of.

Peace and love.

Feeling the Sun

For a while now life has been cloudy, but it's funny how sudden and unexpectedly God can shoot a beam of light through the clouds. I'm up way later than I should be, otherwise I would write more, but things are going well. I feel almost 100% better and life is gettin good. Peace and love

High Steaks

Yesterday was not fun at all... I ended up having to go to the hospital because of food poisoning. I was throwing up from about 1am-12:30 pm every hour on the hour. By about four I had gotten up all of the steak that made me sick and from that point on, I dryheaved and/or threw up stomach acid. When I got to the hospital, they whisked me through triage and put me in the ER. It didn't take long for them to get an IV in me so that they could get me rehydrated. They also gave me a dose of anti-nausia medicine, and morphene. The morphene made me really gorggy and I slept most of the day because of it, but they ended up letting me go at around 9pm. When I got home I took a long hot shower and then went to bed. It was really hard to sleep as my morphene started to ware off. All of the medication had a strange effect on my mind. I had this really stressful dream about stocks and bonds and finances. I can't explain it other than it was a constant feeling of being in over my head and no matter how many times I woke up, I would go right back into the dream if I tried to sleep again. Right now I'm suffering from a wicked hangover. My entire body is soar from throwing up so harshly, especially my chest and diaphragm. My head is killing me too, and I'm not quite mentally 100%. I can't even see straight yet, but I'm going to try to go to classes anyways.

Butterflies and Taxes

I just had a startling thought. I wonder how much bad food I've eaten in this house. I must be completely honest. A house full of a bunch of guys isn't very well suited at keeping an eye on what's fresh and what is bad. I mean there are things in that fridge that have been in there since we moved in. It's not so much that we want to get sick, it's just that cleaning out the fridge hasn't found its way to the top of the priority list in a long time.

But today. What about today? Well it was an interesting day full of firsts, and they were all seemingly very precisely interconnected... and I don't know how to explain it other than my failure to fill out taxes led me to a free opera ticket which led me to befriend an intersting girl completely at random both of which lead to me filling out my taxes much later in the night than i had anticipated, but alas, I do believe I get a refund from the government. What bad happened today, you ask? None good peoples. None.

As for the rest of the week? I did just find out that I have two physics test this week and my project in maintenance has to work by one o'clock tomorrow... uh... yeah.

Here's to finishing classes, a strange sense of confidence, and a horribly filthy house!

Peace and love.

High Point Easter and B-Day

I've been home for a few days, Easter break and all, and I realized that I haven't written in my journal in a long time. I left on Wednesday mid-afternoon for the long drive. I generally stop in Ashville whenever I can just to split things up, which is what I did. Andy was having rehersal with his band and it was really inspiring to be around such a creative circle. We were bouncing ideas back and forth off of eachother and I enjoyed just watching as they practiced. Later that night I fell asleep on Andy's "couch" (which is really the back seat of a minivan propped up against their wall) and I had a pretty difficult night's sleep. When I woke up, I stole Andy's bed because he and Kevin were on the way to play in Chapel. It wasn't but ten minutes later, though, that Andy was shaking my shoulder to wake me up. Turned out that their guitar player got sick and he was wondering if I could fill in with just two minutes to spare. I agreed (because I've done crazier things), threw on a shirt and a pair of pants, watered my face up, and got down to the Chapel. As soon as I got in the room, I picked up a guitar and started playing. It was a lot of fun and I did well enough I suppose. I met a lot of interesting people anyways.

When I got home I spent a lot of time with friends and family. I brought in my 23rd birthday with the visitation of my nephew Josiah. He's a bit of a porker right now, but he's going to be sturdy. He already shows signs of a champion. Easter day was good too. I went to church and saw lots of friends, went to my relatives house to see family and then went and had hotwings with the guys. I've eaten a lot.

Church was interesting though. I saw my ex-girlfriend from a distance. We always see eachother from afar on holidays, but we don't speak to eachother anymore. It's not that I don't want to, but it's the best thing. It was funny also to think about how she and I don't really know eachother anymore. What would we say, even if we did speak? I don't know. That part of my life's past will always be a mystery to me. It was the first time I really learned a woman's true power over a man... only... we both lacked maturity and wisdom and that usually just equates to a big mess. I suppose I still don't regret it though. I mean it changed my perspective on life a great deal, both positive and negative, but along those lines, I learned some valuable lessons.

I'm not going to class tomorrow. I think it's dumb that Belmont makes students have to travel back to school on Easter Day, and being that my motivation to go is already at an all-time low on it's own, I just don't feel like following through. Class will have to miss me tomorrow. The drive will not, however. I'll be on the long trek as soon as I wake up. Wish me luck.

Peace and love.

Just a Few More Weeks

I'm going home tomorrow. It'll be good for me. I didn't really get much of a spring break and the last thime I was home, it wasn't really for fun occasions. I'm pretty caught up on my workload right now, but things are shakey in relationship life. Things were great for three years here. I complained here and there about stupid stuff, but mostly just annoyances more than anything. Now, on the last semester, things get blown to hell because of... well... God knows I just want to tell everybody, but I can't. I still hold hope that things are salvageable. I'm not sure if proximity is the only thing keeping things together or the only thing causing the rash. I just want change. I HATE being stagnant. I HATE it when things just stay the same without change. That's one of my blessings and it's also a curse. I've burned many bridges because of my ill appreciation of stagnance, but I've also opened up a great many opportunity at the same time.

But when I go home, I'll have plenty of time to think about what I value. I'll have more free time in general from now on. I just finished my Economics class and I just ended my term as president of the fraternity tonight. Those are two less responsibilities that I'll have to worry about.

Ah but just pray that someone doesn't come along and push me. I've been handling my adversity so well lately, but I feel thin, like I'll blow up in the next face of the person who gives me good enough excuse. I guess I can't think of too many scenerios where I would blow up, but there are definitely a few.

Peace and love.