To Feel

Church this morning wasn't quite as thought provoking as it usually is, but of course, it was a different speaker. I disagreed with several of his points. First off, I do not believe that the purpose of the Holy Spirit living in us is to point out all the times in a day when we screw up. A guide, as he called it, doesn't rest on that function as its main purpose. A guide will direct and teach. Sometimes we are guided through correction, but He's not sitting in a chair behind a chalk board marking tallies. Second, I am always wary about sermons that bring up the topic of Satan. So many people automatically assume that because both God and Satan do not keep a visible form that Satan must also be omnipresent. Sure, he has powers that shouldn't be scoffed at, but he's not powerful enough for omnipresence. That's giving him too much credit. Besides, James points out that our sins are usually a result of the nature within us. I bring that up because generally, by our nature, we are tempted to cast blame on others, even towards the Devil if there is a convincing enough case to show that the shoe fits. I've always felt that if the Devil were to directly tempt me, it would be a great honor because the only people we know of who have had a person-to-being confrontation with Satan were of amazing significance. There was Adam and Eve, Job, Joshua, and Jesus himself. This is all opinion, but it seems to make sense to me, and from my experience, you can't really confuse demonic presence with influence from human sin temptation.

I just don't believe that demonic experiences are very frequent here. Why? I like to view it from a military standpoint. You have to pick your targets decisively and concentrate where there is the most threat. Demonic presence isn't much of a problem in our culture because we are already too busy fighting our own vices. We glorify money, posessions, knowledge, and time. These are man-made idols we are able to glorify within the physical rhelm which leads us to feel secure. I believe that this is the reason why there are very few interferences. The movie "The Usual Suspects" puts it very well in saying that "The greatest trick the Devil ever played was to convince the world that he doesn't exist."

Earlier today I did get the opportunity to ride with Brady on his new motorcycle. It was a lot of fun, but it gave me a better perspective as to how dangerous they really are. I'm good at creating simulations in my mind of exactly how something could happen. Riding that fast with nothing between me and the road but balance and some thin cloths added up to "maybe this isn't a great idea." Still... it was fun. Death always adds fun to the factor (atleast in the mind of a young adult male).

Now I feel sorta sick. I mean I've been sick along with the majority of campus since last week, but for some reason it got worse today. I got a pretty bad stomach ache and a head ache. I just took my temperature... it's normal. Ah, but tomorrow I'm going to be so busy. Schedules fill up pretty fast these days. I've got alot on my mind right now, and I need to find a way to work that off. That being said, I think I'm going to try and get back into the gym. I generally feel good after I work out unless I work out too hard.

What's some of the stuff that's been on my mind? Well... I have realized just how awkward I am around women now-a-days. I'm pretty sure I've earned the title of "creepy". You'd think that's bad, but what is really bad is the fact that I don't really care. So what happened? I used to be great around girls in middle school and high school. I'll tell you what happened. Living in a male dorm for three years solid happened. I've been so immersed in "man life" that I have completely forgotten how to relate with women. You know those girly girls that are so extreme that they really just freak guys out and most girls. I am the male equivilant to that. I've become so much of a guy that I just freak girls out. They don't understand me anymore. This is unacceptable. So what is my solution? I'm going to (as painful as it may seem) immerse myself in women. I'm going to meet new women and get to know them and retrain myself to be sensative towards our differences. I am going to be... a gentleman again. I've got the guts, but I don't know if I've got the finesse. I have a feeling that this is going to take some serious time, dedication, and motivation.

I'll let you know how it all goes. Hope everybody out there gets to enjoy the weather this week. I hear it's going to be pretty nice. If you read this and go to Belmont, don't forget to come and see our show next Saturday at the Curb at 7 o'clock. We picked the band name Matt's Automan today (sorta kindly poking at Mike's Chair). The truth of it is, Matt doesn't actually have an automan. Oh, and finally, can someone tell me how to get a good night's sleep? No matter what I do and how much sleep I get, I wake up in the morning and I feel like crap. My joints are stiff, my eyes hurt, and my bones are soar. This morning before church I experienced an early morning peace (at 10am) that I would really like to be a part of on a regular basis. I generally just don't participate because the process of waking up is so painful. I don't like doing it unless I have a class that forces me out. The funny thing is that it has always been like this. I tend to blame my heartrate. Most people have a resting heart rate of 55-60 but mine sits around 38-42. I'm not a doctor though, so I really don't know. I'll tell you what though. I wake up feeling fully charged if I take sleeping pills before I go to sleep, but I don't do that hardly ever because that's bad for you. Whatever. All this talk about sleep has got me in the mood. Peace and love.