Until the Wedding

Until the wedding, I am a slave child to my mother and sister. It's difficult really knowing how I should feel about this whole process in the thick of so much endless work. I'm more prone to hopefull thoughts of the wedding soon being over, but I think it will be a much more realized feeling on the actual day of the wedding. Alot of stuff just doesn't make sense to me in the midst of happenings. I don't feel the way I think I should feel. After loosing Phillip, I don't feel like he's dead, but rather my mind catagorizes him as being on a long vacation. Maybe that's because I hadn't seen him very often after we both went to college, but it still feels weird. I know logically that he is gone, but my emotions don't seem to agree. Maybe that's because death has never been real to me before until now, so my emotions don't really know what to compare it to. It's been on my mind since I pulled over for a funeral procession on Eastchester today. The last time I saw one of those, I was in it. Brandon and I talked about it a little bit last night too. We both feel pretty similar and weird about the whole thing still. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away.

But I need work. I've got to make so much money between now and the end of summer it is rediculous! I've been praying for a steady job, but nothing has come my way as of yet. Thankfully, however, I've had several people offer me short-term jobs which have carried me this far through the summer, but with the wedding and all, I haven't been able to take all of the offered work. I've been super busy dealing with this. I just want to get eloped after all of this mess. I hope my wife doesn't want a complex wedding, but if she does... well then she does. I understand that it is a much bigger deal to women than it is to men. Women think about their weddings from the time they can walk upright. Guys don't think about their weddings until the day before, and by that time... why bother.

Oh, and it's a funny thing that communication and aggrivation rhym. I'm gunna stop there with that problem though so that I don't say anything stupid. I'm just suffering from lack of sleep, abundance of business, and very little opportunity to express myself.

Hope you all are doing well. Peace and love.