The Garden

I waited a while to go to dinner tonight with the guys. I'm still in this funk, faced with something I can't identify and it bothers me. I haven't had much to say for the past few days, and everything seems rather serious, but I've had my fair share of laughter lately. Dinner was good, but I was bothered by all of the noise for some reason. I think it's because I couldn't isolate all of the conversations in the room and just pay attention to one. The funny part was when we had to leave though. I had to use the bathroom so bad, but I was going to wait until I reached to solitude of Pembroke before I went down that road. After waiting almost an hour, I have never had to use the bathroom so bad in my life. I don't think it to be appropriate to share a new record on my journal, but I'll let it rest at you knowing that there was most definately one set.

Last night I expressed a lack of knowing what to do today with all of my free time. I'd like to say I was extremely productive, but I wasn't. I did the whole workout thing, but most people don't really consider that to be productivity unless it is coupled with several other activities. I was the first to work the desk this semester which is an accomplishment that would probably give an elementary student a sense of achievement like being at the front of the line, but working the desk really has no luster at all. What I DID do was look for a secondary job, and I may have found one. As funny as this sounds (because this is completely not in my nature)I am going in for an interview at a modeling agency. I figure it might be a little extra cash in the wallet.

I really want to write some music and I just can't. I'll sit and write and write and write and nothing comes out so all I can really do is try and write some more. I think Nashville puts an artistic fog over my brain. I can't think creatively because everyone's a critic. I lack the confidence that anyone here would enjoy the music I make, so I sit on it and keep it for myself. What a waste. I'm determined to get over that and to get over what other people think and really work hard at getting my music out there. I'm just curious to see what happens.

Other than that, I really have nothing more to say. I'm working on trying to wiggle out of the mud right now and until then I'm not going to seem very interesting. I really just need to get over this unhealthy obsession with struggle and sit back in my chair, maybe watch life go by like clouds... or traffic. I could stop complaining about adversity. I could do great things. I could meet new people. I could be a strength to others instead of consistantly self-absorbed. Here's to the new semester! Be strong and patient. Seek true spiritual wisdom and live like you've never been hurt by the ones you love. Peace and love.