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I've been in this relaxed and reflective mood all day. It's the kind of mood you have when you feel like everything is all right, even if it isn't. I've been a bit more introspective this weekend than usual and I found some interesting things. I found something that I need to work on: Personal expression. If I don't want to talk about something personal, and someone wants to really really bad, I can loose my temper pretty quick. It's not a very positive quality, I must say. I think it springs from the fear of me being soft and not standing my ground. I do that from time to time. Or it can also be related to pride. I remember last year I said something I shouldn't have to this girl and she got upset and she wanted to talk about it, but I was pretty hurt to begin with, and I didn't want to face her... So like a coward I sat there next to my phone while it rang and rang and rang and I didn't answer it. I just sat there and played my guitar. That's about the lowest form of cowardice I've resorted to. I did eventually talk to her though, but the damage was already done. It would have been ten times better if I had just based up and talked to her.

The other thing I was pondering was hate and social analasys. I can look at people and make a quick analasys of their character by how they dress, how they carry themselves, their voice projection, and who they keep close to them. More often than not, this suprisigly ends up pretty accurate. But here's where social analasys gets tricky. It's easy to analyze someone you don't know. See, the more you know someone, the more complex analasys becomes. There are so many factors involved and so many causes that you might or might not be aware of. All of the sudden you're not dealing with just an object that serves no more than a mere stage prop. You're dealing with a human being relatable to yourself. This all ties into hate. You can hate someone walking by on the street. That's easy. That's why you find that serial killers are more often than not, sociopaths. They lack the social development of the concept of other people as being a reality. But to hate someone you deeply know... that takes something else. You know why they behave the way they do and you feel a sort of empathy for them. So we hate what we don't know because in essence we fear it. It is unpredictable as to its influence on our way of life. Marie Curie is attributed with once saying that "Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood." An interestind and applicable concept indeed.

So now I face another week. It is only a half week as Fall Break is just around the corner. Speaking of Fall, the weather has cooled down wonderfully. I'm enjoying the coolness. I just want to sit outside by a fire and ponder things for a while sometimes. But on campus that's a little less than possible. I'm going to have to say that I'm happy right now though, as I continue on that seemlessly neverending trail to manhood. Hope all is well. Peace and love.