Working Hungry

I worked today... That pretty much sums it up. I worked from 2 o'clock to 11pm. And not only did I work that long, but the entire time I was craving all sorts of weird food. Now the last time I checked, I'm not pregnant, but MAN, it really makes me question myself... ... okay not really, but I'm still hungry and I ate an entire pizza by myself for dinner!

Not much else has happened this weekend though. We had a cookout at the house last night and that was fun. I always enjoy going over to the house with the guys. Coming back here is just awkward for me. I'm almost positive that I won't be staying here another year, but I don't know what I'll do in terms of RA'ing again next year. I'm sure the guys will eventually grow on me, but it's more complicated than I thought it would be. They just act so different from the freshmen before them because they don't get mixed in with a diverse crowd. Therefore they feed off of this freshman mentality that won't die. I've just got to keep my end of the bargain and hold on. I also have to work on organizing all of those programs I said I was going to hold. Honestly though, the fire in me has died down a bit since the beginning of the year. The reason being is that I had expectations of what this year was going to be like, but they just weren't met. I guess that's more my fault than any. But I'm learning. That's the important part.

I don't know what it is that I want to learn this year. There isn't one driving subject that I'm just dying to grab ahold of like there usually is. And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but what it is is a learning experience in itself. I think the most important thing I've learned since I've been here is how to take care of one thing at a time and not look at the future as what WILL happen but what COULD happen. I have goals and ambitions, but those are more or less just a means by which to help me sleep easier at night. I cannot assure that any of those things will actually come to pass, but what I can do is focus on what is right in front of me. That is what I have control over. Now with ambitions I might move in the direction of a destination, but what happens between now and then remains unkown. I've already changed course voluntarily or by force so many times since my freshman year. But basically all I think I'm trying to say is that it is healthy to have ambitions and direction, but it is not necessary. A more important skill is being able to face each daily situation with clarity and drive. And who knows, you might just get to where your heart was set out to go, but if you don't get there, you will be just as well off if you can deal with the present.

As for tomorrow, I'm not sure what I will set out to do. I'll have to give that good thought when I wake up. But one thing I would really like to do is go swimming. I haven't been for a good swim in a while. I just think it would be nice to do soon because the weather is, afterall, cooling down pretty quickly. Fall is fast approaching and I'm probably more than less ready for it. Anyways, I've got to get some sleep, but I'll try to talk to you again soon. Peace and love.