"There are lots of strange things in my nose"

I make myself laugh sometimes at very random moments, mostly while driving in my car.
The title-quote came to me while I was driving down the road this afternoon after a long day. Seems like the harder I'm pushed, the more my sense of humor is built up to compensate. I'm glad I'm built that way. It's not something that many people understand, and most often they think that's weird, but I think that's okay and it makes me smile.

I worked at Brandon's dad's warehouse today from 7:30 - 4:00. It was harder work than I've done in a while, but I feel satisfied... soar but satisfied. We lifted really heavy boxes and inspected chairs all day in a non-airconditioned building. It was definitaly a change of pace. After that I went to the Boggs' house to mow their lawn. I finished just before the sky opened up and ate High Point for a good few minutes.

Last night... or rather the past couple of nights have been very rough on me. I haven't been able to sleep very well because of dreams I've had. They're so vivid and stirring and I remember them so well. Most of the time they are good, but last night... Well, I haven't had a dream that bad in a long long while. I was at war (again), but instead of being heroic and strong like most of my dreams, I was just the opposite. I was allowed to leave the front lines on furlow for a few days after seeing several of my friends die. I remember lying on the cold hard wood floor in an emotional collapse while my family was trying to talk to me, but there was no comfort, just screaming immages and the reality that shortly thereafter, I would have to go back and probably wouldn't survive this time. I woke up all sweaty with my heart racing to Brandon who was telling me to wake up and get ready for work. The dream makes sense to me though. I tried that test that viking took on personalities and I am supposidly a leader motivated by the fear of failure. In the dream, I definitaly failed. I was a weak cowardly failure. I was my worst fear.

Yesterday though, I had an awsome time. It was one of the best Fourth of Julys I can remember. I went to a pool party and had a good time with my friends and I ate ALOT! I also went to another friends house and watched them launch over $1,000 of illegal fireworks from the road in their front yard. It was better than the city fireworks, but I still watched those. We all climed up on their roof with drinks and watched the city works from there. It was pretty amazing and made me think about how life used to be. So fun and so simple. I like to re-live it whenever I get the very brief opportunity.

Not long now though until I return to Nashville. I'm pretty excited because I've got all of these new great ideas about the upcomming year. The down-side is that I'm taking 17 hours this semester on top of work, not only that, but I might end up having to hold down two jobs. That won't be very much fun, but life isn't always fun anymore... atleast not until I master these new experiences and learn how to make them fun. That might take a while, but I'm ready.

I am ready, but I am a bit lonely. I used to want relationships for half companionship and half physical fun, but now I don't care about that. I just want a good companion. I don't know why I'm writing about that though. I don't really feel like telling the whole world about my romantic problems. They'll go away if I ignore them... or atleast I'd like to think that. Honestly though, I'd like to just not have to ever think about that kind of stuff. I don't like thinking about being lonely and not having much hope. I mean I know I have hope, but it's not really visible right now. I just have to trust that it's there, and that's not easy. But look at me, I'm still yakkin. I'm done talking for now. Peace and love.