Tune Out Your Heart and DO YOUR JOB

What are the sweeter things in life without the bitter to enhance their flavor? I am so restless these days in attempts to make it through this final stressful point and on into the next transition. Tonight I shall start by getting more sleep as this morning I was called to work (though I was not signed up to) the check-out desk for seven hours. I did not expect that at all, but I managed to make it through alive... exhausted, but alive. On a more positive note, I did get payed today which was unexpected, but then again... I hate money. Once I get payed I pretty much wave the money on through to other holders such as my phone company and the gas tycoons. For the most part though, my temperment has been short the past few days. I would not admit to it in person, but for some reason I will now. I am having a real hard time with this whole moving out thing. I really don't want this year's social life to end, but I just have to realize that things must move on and that next year isn't necessarily going to be bad. I just have to come to grips with reality. My heart is still pretty tired though... And on top of that, I'm really trying hard not to think about the things that really cause my heart distress... That's what I want to type about right now, but I must be fair and sensative to others. Maybe it is best that others not know how I feel, and how I will miss them so much and how I'm literally sick to my stomach with the thought of such distance, such time, and such illusions. So I suck it all up and walk around with a stern look on my face. Where it all goes from there I have no idea, but I know no one wants to see it or know of its existence. It's a hideous thing to behold, but just as a parent can love their ugly child, I feel like the only one that sees beauty in the way I feel. The only time it will ever get out into the open is under strict guidlines that it be masked in such vagueries that no one would notice it nor think twice about it. Such a difficult burdon! But I guess home will be the best thing for it. Work and my personal life never interfeer though so I will still be able to function as long as I am doing something official or as long as I have enough friends around me to drown out my own train of though. So I guess the next thing I'll do is finish off this week as best I can while pretending to be on top of my game in hopes that no one figures out how I really feel... except for you... I guess you know now, but most of you aren't here... if ANY of you are, so I guess it's safe to tell you all. I vent to my journal with no thought of its potential readers, but with the desire to spill over. Anyways, the only people that read it are the people who care about me, and those are the people that I trust. To you I say, "Peace and love."