I don't know why I'm so nervous about doing well on exams. I really don't care at this point how I do. I'm just excited to be done with it all. I aslo can't believe how long I've kept this journal. There's an estimated 1000 plus pages of my thoughts and happennings found on this site. I can't believe it.
Internally I'm having a rough time though. It's hard when you have opposing interests, a problem that I seem to confront quite often. Making mature decisions can cost a great deal and can be quite difficult to execute. One should almost expect that if a decision is easy to make, it is, in all probability, the wrong choice. No one ever got to the top by resting on their laurals, laurals that I don't really even have.
I don't really want laurals. The constitution of life is becoming more clear and valuable to me by each day, and that means so is what I do with my life. But being well known no longer rests on my list of satisfying accomplishments. I want success, certainly, and I want relationships, but power and money mean nothing to me. What money and power I've ever had seemed void of any satisfaction. Maybe it was satisfying to others around me that I had these opportunities, but to me they ment very little. If it is my design and my purpose on this earth to lead other men or to have hightened wealth, I will do it and be greatful and hope that one day I might learn the true fruits of my purpose. But for now I will find it quite difficult to settle on a single passion. I'm young and full of ideas with very little understanding of limitations. Because of that it might be some time before I truly understand the meaning of passion and satisfaction. We never stop growing.
Peace and love.
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