Summer Move

Moving is never easy, especially when you have aquired as much crap as I have. But considering how much time I've actually spent on it, I must say that progress has come relatively quickly. I'm almost completely moved out of the house now. I'm going back in the morning to get the last few boxes and other random items lying around, then I'll clean, then I'll be done. I like my new room. It's carpeted and a little more acoustically dead than my last one. It's also got a bed. That's nice. The move in was really easy. I always have had an eye for placement, at least... I think I do. But I always decorate the room first before I place the furniture. It helps me bring more of a sense of symmetry. I've got some pictures here of the finished product. You can't see the really cool part because it's behind my computer, but you'll get the basic idea.


I got to the point where I just started throwing stuff in bags. I was getting frustrated that I had so many loose papers and other little items, so they remain in those bags and will until I feel compelled to organize them into the trash can.

So my new roommates consist of Mitch, Alan "Cowboy" Fey, and Jason Dyba. I don't know Jason very well, but Mitch and Cowboy and I go way back. Oh, and I can't forget the pet rat. I don't know his real name. I know he's got one, but I just call him Mortomer. Seems to suit him well, but he sure does carry a strong odor about him. I've also noticed that outside there are two cats that roam the area. They love the attention of people, but they also enjoy tormenting the small white yippy dog that the landlord owns. So this is the new house. More details as they come.

I've decided that I'm going to miss the old home, but as far as the house is concerned, I would burn it down if it were really up to me, the spiders, the mice, the mold, the lack of insullation, all of it would burn. Then I would have pastors come out and pray over the land, so that if anyone ever rebuilt there, they wouldn't be consumed by the curse. I will always remember the great times we had there, and the lessons learned from renting crappy houses from bad landlords.

Well, I'm done writing for now. Time to go read. Peace and love.

Thoughts Returning

Well, I just had a wonderful weekend. Several of my friends from High Point came to visit me on Thursday and they just left tonight. Karl, JJ, Katie, Denise, Heidi, Megan, all good people. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to move out of this house. It might take a little more work than I'm giving it credit for, but who knows. I'll take it one step at a time and figure out the difficult parts hopefully before Friday.

It's funny how now that school is over I'm really starting to develop a sense of appreciation for the world around me. I guess I just get so busy during school that I forget value outside of that bubble. But now I'm getting new ideas and new inspirations. I'm still a bit shabby at managing my time, but that'll get better once I get rid of my TV. Reading more is definitely on the list of things to do. I want to spend more time writing as well, more serious and formal writing, unlike this journal.

Sometimes I feel like I waste a lot of space with my journals. Not all of them. Sometims I really do look back and appreciate what it is I have written. But sometims I feel like it's shallow, unoriginal, bland, any of the above. Sometims I feel like I could spend just a bit more time thinking out what it is I want to say. But these are really the best I have for now.

Ha! I just caught a larger brown recluse scurrying around me as I was writing. I didn't kill him though. I have decided that I shall keep it for a short while and study it. I want to know how fast it can move, when it prefers to stay dormant, and especially how it kills and eats. I'm going to find a bug in just a few moments so I can put it in the jar. Now I've poked air holes in the jar so the spider can breath, but they're not big enough for him to escape through. This is the lady I'm talking about. You can't see her color because the picture isn't that great, but I'm not about to hold her for a better view.

It's funny. I was just telling my guests that I hadn't seen a brown recluse in my room in almost a year and a half. That's true, I wasn't just trying to comfort them, but I find it to be a little ironic. I suppose it decided that with all of these extra people and things lying around the house, it would have a little more room to go unseen. Not to be the case. So I'll study it and then, when I'm done, I will kill it. I have very little mercy on such loathsome nightstalking vermon.

Hmmm... It appear she lost a leg during my apprehension. I say "she" not to be steriotyping, but because chances are it is a female. They grow much larger than the males. But I think I'll call her Nubs for the time being.

Now I'm going to find a bug, feed Nubs, read, and go to bed. I have work early in the morning. Peace and love.

Jobs and Dating

Creatively, things have been better for me. I've been pretty dead to the world for the past couple of days. I don't know why. Ah, but I was able to go to the pub tonight for the first time in a while and talk with some of my friends about good solid stuff. I always forget how starved I am for solid deep and meaningful conversation. I am partly to blame for the lack there-of. I don't take initiative and sometimes I don't allow myself to be vulnerable. But maybe that's why I feel so out of tune. Maybe I'm just not aprehending a more meaningful time spent. I watch a lot of movies and I sometimes play games, but deep down I'd rather be working on some neat hobby or reading or talking philosophy with friends. Basically what I'm trying to say is that my mind could be spent on more usful activities than what I normally allow.

I'm getting closer to the motorcycle though. I'm so excited about it. I've been reading, practically memorizing, the DMV motorcycle manual. I've been talking to everyone I meet that has a bike asking their opinion on things like safety, gear, and their favorite kind of bike. I've actually made a few new friends along the way. Two guys I met at church. Their namese were Brad and Josh. They've both been riding for about five years. One of them really likes the mechanics of how the bike works and the other one comes from a motocross background. They were both pretty interesting and had a lot of good advice to give. I think one of them might be interested in selling me some of their old gear for dirt cheap. I'll try to follow up on that. New motorcycle gear is a little bit too expensive for me right now.

I've also been going over to my friends' new places. They're all pretty nice and they're a bit cheaper than this house. It's encouraging to know that I could get much better for what I'm currently used to paying on rent.

Oh yeah, I'm still waiting for the bank to get back in touch with me. I'm going to do a little walk-in follow up tomorrow just to make sure I apply a little bit of gentle pressure on my application. I want them to know that I'm serious about the job and I think that enough time has passed to go ahead and check things out.

You know, it's funny how similar dating and applying for jobs are. Yeah I could apply for a crappy job and get it for sure, but I want a job that will take care of me and that I won't want to leave after a few months. Let's see if I can find one.

Peace and love

Oh yeah. If you have the podcast, listen to this weeks sermon at my church.

Brief Update

I've been working my butt off all week. I was meaning to do chores today, being that it is my only day off until next Saturday, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted to loaf around and relax before I have to kill myself tomorrow. I'm not complaining though. I don't want it to seem like that. I'm enjoying the work and the money I'm making from it. I'm still hoping the bank calls me back on my job application, but I'm doing alright at the hotel right now, so I can stand to stay a little while longer.

In the mean time, at home, things are still quiet. Viking gets back tomorrow night sometime, so that'll be cool, but things are still under rapid change. I welcome it though. I think it can only be a good thing at this point. I'm in the process of moving out of the house, as is every one else. It was a good house as college houses go, and many good times were spent here, but it's time to move on.

I'm trying to keep my mind in a good place while all of this change is taking its toll. I tend to get rid of things and people that I don't feel comfortable with anymore. I'm not so worried about the things as much as I am the people. But sometimes internal change can't help but promote external change. As the interrior changes, sometimes so does the exterior. We'll see what happens.

Oh, I did also win some free airline tickets yesterday. I won a putting challenge at the resort golf course and I got two free tickets to anywhere in the continental US. I think I'll be taking Mitch to Washington State to visit Brian, but I'm not quite sure yet. That's just the tentative plan. I also got a free back massage which was really nice and informative. Turns out my back is all out of sorts and full of knots. She said that me not sleeping on a bed was probably the largest problem. Whatever. It doesn't keep me from working or playing, so I'm not in a hurry to change that little issue. Arg. I'm fading fast. I've gotta go to bed now or I'll never make it tomorrow. Peace and love. Oh. PS. Karl and some of his friends are coming to visit me this week! Yay!

Oh Christ, Remind Us of Your Love

I must have missed that part of the Bible where Jesus and his disciples marched around bashing homosexuals and making their ideals into government laws by backing the right politicians.

"But they do it to us! We have to protect ourselves!"

No! What did Jesus do when Peter tried to protect him from the guards by cutting off his ear. He chastized Peter and fixed the guards ear. Christ doesn't need us to protect Him. He protects us! And how many stones did Steven throw back at the men who had him stoned? None! I mean if all of this political slamming coming from my Christian brothers and sisters is a new means to convey the love of Christ, I really must have missed a few chapters of the Bible, because the only time I ever recall Jesus raising his voice or going into the offense was when he was dealing with spiritual lawmakers and those who would choose to capitolize off of God's commands.

Christians try to hard to define a clear cut enemy these days. Homosexuals. Perfect. Let's pull them out of this fallen miserable world and place the majority of the weight on their heads.

But weren't we all born into sin? Weren't we all destined for the same place? It is easy for us to cast judgement and blame instead of love, but how dare we forget where we came from. Whether it be homosexual sin or heterosexual sin. Embracing it is wrong and punishable. But we're so distracted with anti-gay propoganda that we fail to be light.

"They sing about vengance like it's the joy of the Lord." -Josh Ritter

I can't go on talking about it because I have to go to bed. But I look at Christ's life and I see a man who loved society's wretched and condemned and a man who even tried to reach out to the spiritual legalists of his day. They seemed to be the hardests to get through to. They understood God only with their minds. They never once took a moment's time to know Him. That is why they did not recognize his son. They fell in love with making laws because through law comes control and power. Man feeds on power like fire feeds on wood.

It is a hurtful time indeed to see so many who claim to emulate Christ, slap down his children.

And what do I think about Jerry Falwell? I think that there is evidence that he was a well intentioned man. I fully disagree with his insistance that Christians should strive to be political lawmakers because I see no evidence in Christ's life that we were ever called to such a task. But I believe that he did a great deal of good in this world as well. Unfortunately it is debatable as to what was amplified as the loudest.

I might talk more about this tomorrow. I'm really tired today, but these issues have really been hitting me hard lately.

Peace and love

Two Wheels, Countless Questions

I'm really disappointed right now. I was nerely done with this huge and informative journal and then firefox decided to freeze up on me. Curses! Oh well, let me try again.

I've been fitting back into the summer routine. I have a new freedom that I'm trying to familiarize myself with though. Being (ultimately) through with classes has brought me to ask new questions about where I'm going. Work, of course, is at the forefront of those questions. I'm comfortable with my job as a valet, but not satisfied. That sounds contradicting, but it's really not. I can do my job with my eyes closed, but it's just not paying the bills. Today was point in case. I got there and we were way overstaffed which meant very little money to be made. I can't afford to be overstaffed. But just as I was starting to feel a bit frustrated, my boss told me to get changed and pressure wash the garage entrance for hourly pay, which is a great deal more than base pay. So I took him up on it and he bought me lunch and I worked for nine hours, not even finishing. I'll be going in tomorrow to get the job done, but all the same, what should I do? I think it would be best if I continued looking (of course that would be best), even though I don't know if I'll even be in Nashville in a few months. Things are pretty up in the air right now, but I'm fine.

I'm getting excited about motorcycles right now. My mom once said that it was just a phaze, and that might be so, but it's a phaze that has lasted for over ten years. I've always been captivated by the thought of having a motorcycle. Sure there is danger, but there is also freedom. I'm trying to be as level headed as possible about the whole idea of getting one, but the learning part is so exciting.

I've started by narrowing my list of bikes down to three types. Then I've been doing research on how they're built and how well they perform. Then I've been going in to see dealers and asking them questions about owning a motorcycle. Harley Davidson, just down the street, was the most helpful. Brian was very informative and helpful in answering all the questions I had about insurance, licenses in TN, the class, and what the inner workings of the bikes were. He showed me this one. It's definitely pre-owned (the only way I could ever afford a Harley), but it's just the right size. My concern was how long it would run if I bought it with 12k miles already on it. He said that Harleys run for a good 50k before they need any serious maintenance. Hmmm, I thought. How long do I want a motorcycle? How many miles do I expect to put on it? Good questions.

So then I took that information over to the Honda dealer. I was originally looking at this bike from the very get-go. It's called a Rebel and it seems small enough not to be too powerful for me. So that was the first one I took a look at. Yes... it was quite small. The salesman Cyle said that it would probably be hard for me to drive since I have such long legs. The handlebars would bump my knees on sharp turns. The speedometer also wasn't very promising. The bike tops out at 65mph. That's fine for low-traffic environments. I could probably get away great with a bike like that in High Point, but I would need a bike that went just a bit faster in this city so as not to get run over. Something bigger would also be more noticable on the road. These are important details for me to consider.

So then I took a look at the bike I really wanted. It's a Honda Shadow Spirit and it's awesome because it's black. The bike engine is about 550cc's which means it is still not overpowering, but it is larger and fast enough to handle dumb Nashville traffic. My only concern is, do I want to get this bike for more expensive than the Harley, but as a new bike vs a used? I don't know all of the answers, but I plan on using these two similar bikes in a barter war between the two. The guy said he'd also keep an eye out for me for some used Shadows to come in. I told him it would probably be a while yet before I came in to buy, if I came in to buy.

I say if because I've got to keep my head about me. Sure it would only cost me $15 dollars to go the same distance as $40 would get me in my car, but safety is an issue for me. I'm definitely going to be taking the safety class. Who knows. I could get on a bike and feel pretty freaked out. I'd just rather find out on someone elses instead of one that I bought. I also want to learn about the safety protocol and maintenance. Also, if I take the safety class, my insurance will be deducted, which would be awesome. But yeah, first I'm going to take the class before I make any huge decisions. That's not all though. I've got a great deal of financial business to take care of before I can even think about getting a bike. I've got to find a job that can support me with benefits, enough money to pay my priority bills, and then maybe I'll have some left over for stuff like motorcycles.

Who knows. It'll be fun figuring all of this stuff out. I like having this as a goal. It has been a while since something has motivated me this much. I miss the feeling. I just have to promis myself that I will make mature decisions, namingly, that I won't exclude God in making this one.

Peace and love.

Make: Moves, Decisions, Money

I'm back in town, Nashville that is, but the house is a little more baren than I left it. Matt has mostly moved out and Stuffy grabbed a few things as well. I was using his computer desk, so now my computer sits on the floor by my bed. That's fine though. I won't be here too much longer anyways. I figure I'll start slowly moving out starting tomorrow. Viking will be leaving for Oregon on Wednesday for a business seminar, and Matt will be almost completely moved out, so it will be just me here in the house for several days. I'll be working a good bit of that time, but when I'm not working, I'll probably be packing or trying to get back into the gym. Maybe I'll pick up reading again. That would be nice. I don't read enough.

That's another thing with not being a full-time student anymore. I have time for things like reading and maybe even exercise. I'm excited about that. I'm also going to be looking at new jobs though. I might go up to Bank of America and check to see on teller positions. I think I'd be good at it and, though the scheduling might not be as flexible as it is at the hotel, the pay will be better and more consistent. I need consitency right now. My goal in all of this, of course, is to get leveled out on my bills and my insurance needs. I've got to become completely self-sufficient before the summer is over.

Finally, I've got to clear my head. There's a lot going on right now that could potentially bother me a great deal. Some of it is concerning my friends and the decisions they are making. It's all concerning stuff that I've been through and that I know isn't a good idea, but why tell them. It's not as if they will listen. Some of it has to do with a more deep and personal level, but again, not much I can do about it. I've got to really sit down and grapple with what I have control over and what I do not have any control over. You can worry about things you have control over because it is a motivator, but the things you have no control over just eat up your time with useless thought. As cliche as it sounds, it is best to just pray about it because you must recognize that God has control over both, that which you can control, and that which you have no control over.

Peace and love.

Spending Time

It was an interesting day. I actually had options of things I could do this Saturday. Now usually I spend my free time in a very consistent manner. I watch a movie, take a nap, or a combination of the two. But I didn't want that today. I wanted to feel useful. Stuffy informed me that he was going to help Mitch build stages for a play production and I decided to join them. I haven't had much use for a power tool as of late, and I'm a little rusty I must confess, but it was good satisfying work. After that we went out and had a little dinner at the local Mexican joint and ended up running into almost everyone we knew from Belmont. The meal was good and the conversation was stimulating. Then we went out hunting with Mitch. He's getting ready for an 80's theme prom tomorrow night, so he needed to get some thrifty material to make his grand getup. Let's just say acid wash denim jacket with a Thundercat's t-shirt. I think that'll pretty much do it.

I learned a few new things about spiders lately also. See, we have a brown recluse problem in our house, and it's starting to pick back up again. So when I get nervous about something, I study it with the expectation that my fears are mostly irrational. That seems to be the case with the brown recluse. Here's what I know about them. They are tiny and brown and have a fiddle shape on their back. They grow to be about the size of a silver dollar (legs included). They are night predators with poor eyesite that don't build webs, but instead, scavange the floor looking for insects (preferrably dead because it's less work for them). They like hiding under things and travel in dim lighting at a very slow pace, sometimes picking up speed in quick spirts. They are mostly shy of human beings and will run when they feel threatened, but if they are pinned down, they will bite. Their bites are mostly painless, but very poisonous, though in most cases, not extremely harmful. Most bite cases have merely caused moderate swelling and itching. Some bites, however, may cause moderate to severe necrocis (legions of dead tissue on the skin) which will eat away at the flesh in a radius around the bite. The worst cases have required plastic surgery to mend, some bites have even caused death. The most seceptible to the venom of a brown recluse bite are infants and the elderly.

I actually have most likely been bitten by one already. It wasn't that bad. It was a swolen spot on my hip that was about the size of a quarter and it itched pretty bad, but it went down after a few hours and didn't bother me anymore. More than likely, it was probably hiding in a pair of pants when I put them on and it tagged me. But knowing more about them helps me rest easier at night which is what I'm about to do now. Peace and love.

What is Important to Me

I don't know why I'm so nervous about doing well on exams. I really don't care at this point how I do. I'm just excited to be done with it all. I aslo can't believe how long I've kept this journal. There's an estimated 1000 plus pages of my thoughts and happennings found on this site. I can't believe it.

Internally I'm having a rough time though. It's hard when you have opposing interests, a problem that I seem to confront quite often. Making mature decisions can cost a great deal and can be quite difficult to execute. One should almost expect that if a decision is easy to make, it is, in all probability, the wrong choice. No one ever got to the top by resting on their laurals, laurals that I don't really even have.

I don't really want laurals. The constitution of life is becoming more clear and valuable to me by each day, and that means so is what I do with my life. But being well known no longer rests on my list of satisfying accomplishments. I want success, certainly, and I want relationships, but power and money mean nothing to me. What money and power I've ever had seemed void of any satisfaction. Maybe it was satisfying to others around me that I had these opportunities, but to me they ment very little. If it is my design and my purpose on this earth to lead other men or to have hightened wealth, I will do it and be greatful and hope that one day I might learn the true fruits of my purpose. But for now I will find it quite difficult to settle on a single passion. I'm young and full of ideas with very little understanding of limitations. Because of that it might be some time before I truly understand the meaning of passion and satisfaction. We never stop growing.

Peace and love.

The 88s

I'm extremely tired right now and it's causing me to become vulnerable to frustration and self-centeredness. I really could use a solid night's sleep, but I must say that the amount of work I have been doing has been satisfying. I was up early for class this morning and then I went to our fraternal anual piano bash. It was good and I hit the piano several times with a sledge hammer, but I did also have the pleasure of cleaning it up. Pianos are heavy and after already pulling a muscle in my right forearm yesterday at church while lifting a speaker cab, well... I was more prone to injury today. I have cuts and scratches all over and I made the pulled muscle even worse. My body aches, and I suspect it will for a while, but at least I'm getting exercise. I haven't been in the gym for a while. It's a little more inconvenient when you live off campus.

Tomorrow will be pretty intense. I'm up at 6 to go to work until 2. After that I have lab that might extend to 5 which will lead me directly into my Music Publishing final. Once done with that I'll be setting up for the formal our fraternity will be having with Sigma Alpha Iota tomorrow night. Then I'll go home and slip into my tux, pick up Whitney, get some dinner and go dancing. It'll be fun, but I might have to have cafinated assistance to make it all the way through the day.

I'm still happy though. I know I'm busy right now, but I'm still happy. I'm looking forward to the week being over so that I can conentrate more fully on my future plans. I don't know how much time I'm going to take off between the end of this semester and the beginning of summer session, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. As I see it now, I'll probably need to go home twice in May. I'll be singing at Rose's wedding and then at the end of the month I'll be going to Charleston SC with my family to see where my sister and brother-in-law are moving.

I talk to much.

Peace and love.